Do I delete my friend and all of our memories?

[Nutnut68]

So, I had a best friend I never thought I’d be without. She was my soul sister and my rock. There through it all together nothing seemed hard? I honestly loved the woman! There was a falling out a year ago which still gets to me but is in the past. I miss her still very much but I’m also distraught that she hasn’t contacted me in this time. It was her in the wrong and I got a half arsed apology which hurt me more than anything. I would have swallowed my pride for her and begged for forgiveness and I would have expected the same. I am now sick of looking at the posts on social media. Seeing her life unfold and not being a part of it, I still get emotional about it all and miss her. I feel after a year of being left I don’t want or need her. But if I still cry surely our frienship was/is worth sorting? Both she and I still view each other’s “stories” on social media to check on each other? I just don’t know what to do but I do know it’s time to do something it’s bringing me down and I have to make a decision. Any ideas?

What did she do op?

Maybe unfollow her so you don't see her stuff unless you go into her timeline?

Was what she did something that suggested she didn't care enough about the friendship? Not trying to fix things suggests she doesn't care like you do..

Yeah, why not text her and ask about letting bygones be bygones? Life is honestly too short!

Write to her, say you want to resolve things and arrange to meet up to talk it through.

I did and 10 years later I still consider it one of the best things I ever did. She was in the wrong at the time, but that really doesn’t matter when viewed in terms of the long friendship we have shared.

I think you need to step back from social media and step away from the drama. You come across as a bit immature. Friendships change, cool off, warm back up etc. Either put it behind you and extend the olive branch or delete on social media and move on with your life.

I wouldn’t say I’m immature Im often described as a complete mug. I know friendships change and people change that makes me think we have grown apart. But I would hate to remove the friendship if she is feeling the same. Positive vibes only please! My heart is bigger than my head.

Either make it up or get rid of her social media. Either is preferable to what you're doing now. You are getting the worst of both worlds this way. No friendship but not allowing yourself to move on either.

Well nobody here can really say, unfortunately!

You know her and you know what she did.

I don’t think you can expect an apology to be what you want it to be, that way lies disappointment.

Best case is that you talk and she sincerely apologizes.

But I think you need to prepare to never have the apology and decide if you still want the friendship without it. If so, contact her. If not, block, grieve, and move on!

I feel your pain OP. A couple of years ago, I lost a good friend. I have had to block my former friend on social media as seeing her posts is too hard still. There are photos on my phone that I need to delete as scrolling past them makes me sad. In fact writing this has spured me on to delete them. It might be worth trying to get your friendship back, but after a year it might be tricky. If it can't be remedied you have to delete for your own mental health.

I went through a similar loss of a very close friend and it hurt and I still think of her and miss her too nut.

Like any "breakup" you need time to get over it but you need to do things to help with that and one of them is to hide her social media, you can't expect yourself to move on without her if her life is in your face all the time!

You can still have a box with photos and mementos if you want because she was likely part of massive parts of your life and you will want to remember them but put it away and don't look at it anytime soon, you need time and space so it becomes your history and not your now if that makes sense.

I should clarify that although I miss her/what we had I have had enough time to have moved on from the pain of not having her in my life now and fell like it's actually the best thing as my life is easier without her.

Well, it depends on what she did.

You’d get different answers if she screwed your husband vs if she laughed at your haircut.

Reach out. You've literally nothing to lose if it doesn't work out.

What did she do?

I miss her still very much but I’m also distraught that she hasn’t contacted me in this time

Have you contacted her?

Without knowing what she did, it's hard to advise

Do you think that time has made it worse? Has it given you any perspective on whatever happened? You obviously still care for your friend but you've not mentioned her being in touch....

Have you tried contacting her or have you waited a year for her to contact you ?

Message her. What's there to loose ?

I had a similar situation

I had a best friend who suddenly ghosted me for no reason

I ended up just removing her as a fb friend, I was upset for some time but eventually moved on

Couldn't care less about her now

Life is too short! Contact her and arrange to meet and tell her how you felt about everything that happened and how hurt you was by her apology and how much you love her. What’s the worst that can happen?

what @honeylove123 said - if you want to rekindle the friendship, then reach out. If it doesn't lead to anything, then at least you know you will have tried. I don't see how you could be any worse off for having tried.

I lost my best friend to cancer a few years ago, and although we were close right up until the end, I think it has made me appreciate just how rare those kinds of friendships are. If you have that kind of friendship, then I would try to salvage it if I were in your shoes.

I miss her still very much but I’m also distraught that she hasn’t contacted me in this time. It was her in the wrong and I got a half arsed apology which hurt me more than anything.

Without knowing the details, it's difficult to know but I'd be thinking what you see as a half arse apology she sees as her having apologised and made the first move.

Look at it this way, imagine your friend had a cancer diagnosis today and was told she had 6 months to live. How would you feel about it? What would you do?

This happened to two friends of mine - almost as you describe in your opening post - with the person with the cancer diagnosis in the position of the half arsed apologiser. They did make up and the apologiser died. The surviving friend is riddled with guilt about the years they lost not speaking to each other.

I'd get in touch with her and see if you can repair this friendship.

I say it all rests on what the person has done. Even more so given the fact youre often described as a "complete mug" which would indicate your boundaries are off.

What did you fall out over?

I'm not sure anyone can comment without knowing what you fell out over.