Do I delete my friend and all of our memories?

[Nutnut68]

So, I had a best friend I never thought I’d be without. She was my soul sister and my rock. There through it all together nothing seemed hard? I honestly loved the woman! There was a falling out a year ago which still gets to me but is in the past. I miss her still very much but I’m also distraught that she hasn’t contacted me in this time. It was her in the wrong and I got a half arsed apology which hurt me more than anything. I would have swallowed my pride for her and begged for forgiveness and I would have expected the same. I am now sick of looking at the posts on social media. Seeing her life unfold and not being a part of it, I still get emotional about it all and miss her. I feel after a year of being left I don’t want or need her. But if I still cry surely our frienship was/is worth sorting? Both she and I still view each other’s “stories” on social media to check on each other? I just don’t know what to do but I do know it’s time to do something it’s bringing me down and I have to make a decision. Any ideas?

I had similar- someone who I thought of as a close friend said something hurtful to me and even more spiteful stuff behind my back (which of course got back to me!) I was in two minds about whether to try to patch things up, because I realised (in part due to her previous reactions towards others) that this was her way of behaving when she was under stress and feeling vulnerable. My life was going very well at that point and she had some money worries and other stuff.

However after weighing it up I decided not to extend the olive branch. I reasoned that a genuine friend doesn’t treat you like shit just because they’re having a hard time. Everyone has their ups and downs and the irony is, I’d always been a good support to her. I’ll be honest, At first I missed the laughs we had because when she was in a good place she was great fun. Several years on? Nope. You move on. There are thousands of other lovely fun people out there whose company you can enjoy and who can be good friends without turning on you.

You can look at it that life’s too short to live with falling out and not resolving it, but equally you can look at it that life’s too short to put up with people who treat you badly.

I would block her, stop the social media stuff and move on. Honestly a few years down the line I’m really glad I made that decision

Unfollow her, have some distance, focus on you, keep in touch. What will be will be.

If there is a possibility of extending an olive branch, try it. Give her another chance and if she doesn't respond, walk away for your own well being.

If it helps, I walked away from my best friend because I felt she betrayed me. I tried to fix it but she wouldn't discuss it. We have since grown distant, mainly due to me feeling hurt but I miss her all the time. Life is short, give chances but take the hint if she doesn't respond. At least you'll know you've tried your best.

What did she do?

I'm dying to know what she has done. This kind of fits in with a friend thing going on with me. Crikey!

Sorry to read this. It's a painful experience. Move away from the whole idea of who you thought she was. It wasn't real. And you don't need it.

Hi OP, I really feel for you as I've recently 'broken up' with a close friend myself and it hurts like hell. Only you know what she did and whether you feel you can get past it/ give her another chance. I think you have to jump either way - either reach out to her and see what happens or block her and stop looking at her posts. It seems you're in the worst of all situations at the moment, viewing her life from a distance which is bound to feel very painful.

The only other thing I'd say is to try as much as possible to work on making new friends regardless of whether you try to renew the connection with your old friend. That said I know it's not easy (I'm trying to do this myself at the moment) and it's very difficult to replicate the kind of deep connection you had with your friend.

When is history with a friend enoguh of a reason to ignore them hurting you?

A friend has don't something which has really upset me. We used to be close as teenagers then lost touch for many years but then I found her again. We barely message now and I suspect we won't again since she ignored my birthday. I'm upset with her but feel I'm having a tantrum by being annoyed with her while she has no idea I know what she's done and am hurt by it 🤷‍♀️

It's impossible to say without knowing what she did.

OP think carefully before you block her. I also fell out with a best friend just over a year ago. We stayed friends on social media until Xmas time when she blocked me out of the blue. I was bemused by that (she is a hot head) but I was also deeply hurt by it.
Something absolutely terrible happened in her family a few weeks ago. I called her immediately and we spoke for a long time. The friendship is not what it was but it is better. Life is too short. If you want her in your life reach out to her. Given what’s happened I realise the reason for our falling out was utterly ridiculous (and not my fault but I’ll let that go )

I was ghosted by my best friend, and it still hurts 5 years later, I have blocked her, and delete any 'timeline's that come up from Facebook.

She had her chance, she blew it - I hope she is happy (really do)

Is what your friend did unforgivable or forgivable? If the latter, then forgive!

You have had an apology from her. Maybe you'll hear more remorse from her when you two reconnect. I know you say you would have 'begged for forgiveness" but remember we are all different. Perhaps your friend had guilt/awkwardness which affected her apology?

The bottom line is you sound very distraught about this. Have you really anything to lose by trying to repair this friendship and get it back on track? What's the worst that could happen? Wouldn't it be worth the gamble?

The way I see it is you are very unhappy about this. You can either:-
(1) Put this friendship behind you, block her, get therapy to help with your emotions.
(2) Reach out and become friends again - bury the past.
(3) Reach out and it all goes wrong again. At least you know for sure there is no coming back this time and will feel stronger about the second break-up.

My advice must be considered in the context of what she has done, but if you can forgive, DO forgive.

Would you rather be right or be happy?

If after talking it through, would a more sincere apology be enough for you to forgive her? If it would then contact her again and try one last time. If not then stop tormenting yourself by following her activities. Rip that plaster off

My best friend really hurt me a few years back. It created a huge barrier between us and we distanced ourselves from each other for a while. We were still texting and gradually started texting more until it back back to how it was before the event. We never spoke of it but I forgave her and she forgave me. Years later when we were having a normal night in, she slipped into conversation how awful she had been to me that time and she looked really apologetic. I told her that it didn't matter! I'm sure I've been awful to her before and she's forgiven me without us needing to have it out. She is the first person I call when something happens and vice versa.
If a friendship is worth holding onto then hold onto it.

I hope this thread has helped you, OP. I know it's not easy. I had to drop a friend many years ago. She was abusive over a long period of time and I had had enough. I never got an apology though - even a half-assed one. I heard through the grapevine she missed me though .

Hope you find some resolution with this.

Obviously you miss her but who knows how she feels. If you have forgiven her for what she did and want to renew the friendship then text her saying you want to move on. Otherwise I friend her and move on so there are no social media posts which give entirely false view of her life now. People only put the nice stuff on there.

I fell out with my very best friend, and it was my fault. I was being a dickhead because I was struggling mentally. It took me about 3 years to get over myself and get back in touch. When I did I told her I had been a dick and that I missed her terribly, and I was gutted that she wasnt in my life. We are best friends again now.

What I'm trying to say is maybe she just isn't ready to admit what she did wrong. It was pride and stupidity that stopped me contacting her. If she had reached out to me I would have most likely still told her I was a dick and that I missed her. Perhaps try contacting her and see what happens.