For those who split finances, how are childrens costs and savings managed?

[AK86xo]

I'm considering splitting finances with my DH for a number of reasons. I'm thinking mortgage will be 50/50, then all bills and expenses e.g. energy, sky, groceries etc. will be as a proportion of our income. DH earns twice a much as me so he will be 2/3 and I will pay 1/3. Anything outside of this is ours to do as we wish. We intend to have children in the near future, so I imagine all child related costs would fall under the proportion of income section? And should we both be putting away x amount a month for their future (university fees, house deposit) in savings? In addition, should we as a couple be putting away an amount into savings for house repairs and holidays or is this not necessary and it is on us to save it individually and give it as and when it is needed?

We do all outgoings on a proportion basis. Roughly 50/50 at the moment for soon to be reviewed.

Ridiculous idea , all money on one pot, then equal amounts for “ spending money”.

How similar are you in financial outlook?
If one is more of a saver and the other a spender you definitely need separate saving pots that you both contribute to equally, otherwise when the boiler breaks, one person will have £2k to spend on replacing it, while the other will only have £200.
Kids costs come under everyday and are constant, you can say childcare will cost £1,000 per month but what about clothing, shoes, school trips when older, books?

Also you need complete access to money when you are on maternity leave, not running down your savings.

Disfordarkchocolate - if you don't mind me asking what do you do with the money after outgoings?

I do all the organising though. I set up the savings accounts ie holidays, Christmas, emergency fund. I decide how much we each save each month. It works for us as I can see everything and we have joint goals.

Don't get into a situation where you have to save for maternity leave and still pay the same outgoings or thinking that childcare is your responsibility - it is a joint expense incurred only when you are both at work. So many examples of women being taken advantage of financially when they have children on this site.

It's not a ridiculous idea- everyone is different!

We have a joint account where we pay a proportion of our salaries. This pays for mortgage, bills and anything that our children need. If something extra or unexpected comes up we will usually split it.

We have 3 savings accounts - 1 separate on each where we save whatever we see fit. DH saves more than me - I'm a bit of a spender and he's a saver. We then have a joint savings which we put an agreed amount in. This pays for expenses like car, holidays.

It's been working for us for 12 years

No, I most definitely will not drain my own savings during maternity. It is the same as when I see people contribute 50/50 with everything, but one person earns 5 times more than the other.

I guess it's best for me to set up some additional savings accounts for specifics like you've mentioned rather than rely on DH to just produce the money as and when I ask for it.

We worked out what we jointly spend out on - mortgage, childcare, food, bills, eating out, family gifts, cars, extras like kids clothes etc then split it proportionately. We then pay that into a joint account each month and live off it for the month - then any left is our own. But as OH does earn the higher wage he tends to pay out a bit more on top each month if we need it. It works for us.

Tomhazard thank you for your response. I think this is pretty much what I am aiming to do. So your individual accounts you can save and spend as you like no questions asked? Do you have any longer term savings like pensions or investments or funds for your children? Sorry if this is too personal.

Wow, can't believe how many people this method works for. Are none of you worried that if you both are individually accountable for your own money after expenses, that the other may not save for the future (retirement, children's university fees etc.) or a rainy day, and they are just frittering it away?

We split everything proportionally. We add all bills together - including mortgage and childcare then spilt it proportionally in line with our earnings. So DH earns twice as much as me so he puts in double.

Personally feel that when you are married it’s weird to have his and hers. All in one pot what’s his is mine and vice versa, that’s what the marriage vows say. My earnings fluctuated massively due to agreed decision I’m at home with kids for a few years so be pretty shit of dh to financially benefit from that..

Plus as you’re married if you split up or die doesn’t make any difference whose assets in which accounts it’s all on the table.

So your individual accounts you can save and spend as you like no questions asked?
Exactly. The joint expenses have come out and we are left to spend or save as we see fit. I suspect if we had one account only there would be a fair bit of eye rolling about what I spend on coffee and what he spends on gadgets! This way no one knows any different and we both just get on with spending on our vices 🤣

Do you have any longer term savings like pensions or investments or funds for your children?
Yes, we both have pensions through our work and we save £25 each into our children's ISAs a month- he does one kid I do the other. If there is money left over in the joint account then it gets split between the children's ISAs.

This model has worked for us for a long time and we are happy. It saves any quibbling about different opinions on what we spend money on and everything joint is accounted for as soon as we are paid.

@AK86xo
The joint in our house includes everything including savings. So as we earn roughly the same we put the same into each savings account. My account is usually left with more spare cash as the account his wages get paid into has more variable outgoings (petrol and entertainment) so I sometimes use mine for extra entertainment and savings. It works well because we talk about money every day or two so it's all open.

I'm much more organised then my DH so everything comes out of my account including savings for us and 3 DC accounts and childcare costs. DH then pays me his half by standing order. I wouldn't mind a shared pot but he doesn't like the idea of having to ask to buy something and thinks it would cause arguments.

We pay into a joint account proportionately. My dh pays in twice as much as me as I’ve only just gone back to work 3 days a week (usually our incomes would be roughly similar). All joint expenses including housing, food shopping, bills, council tax, childcare and any children’s expenses come out of this pot. That’s not to say we don’t individually pay for a day out or an ice cream or something from our personal accounts, but the usual costs are paid from the joint account (lessons, school trips, clothes, etc).

We also each pay the same amount from our personal accounts into our dc’s savings accounts. We’ve had that set up since before we even had the joint account, so it’s just easier, but you could have that come out of the joint account.

And savings, yes, ideally you should jointly save for joint emergencies, or just have a plan of how you would contribute to a joint emergency or house renovation, etc. We have small personal savings, but significant joint investments.

We have one joint account for rent and bills and food we both contribute to equally, and we have separate savings accounts and personal accounts for our discretionary fun money.

Are none of you worried that if you both are individually accountable for your own money after expenses, that the other may not save for the future (retirement, children's university fees etc.) or a rainy day, and they are just frittering it away?

Not at all as we have an explicit agreement we’ll both save a minimum amount per month (£400 each currently), he saves more than that because he spends less on himself and earns a bit more, but we are both completely transparent that that’s our agreement and if either of us wanted to change that or put less in savings for a month there’s an expectation we’d discuss it. It’s be a betrayal if either of us frittered away savings money as we’re both saving for our future. We trust each other so no, nothing to worry about there. But we do have complete financial transparency even though we’re not married just cohabiting.

I’d never put myself at risk financially by having all of my savings or monthly discretionary income in a joint savings account. Never. Not with any man. So many people end up up shit creek cos they thought they could trust someone and their account got emptied and they had nothing to their name anymore.

I trust him to always tell the truth that we’re on the same page financially and not to lie to me but I’m not putting my financial security and my freedom in anyone else’s hands, partner or relative or friend. None of this ‘just one pot’ for me.

Btw where did the use of ‘pot’ come from in this context? I only see it used when talking about couple finances and then it’s in nearly every post 😂

As for worrying about the future, I think if you have to worry about your partner being irresponsible with money, you probably shouldn’t be married and joining your financial futures together. But, no, no worries.

I have a pension (a very good one). My dh doesn’t at the moment because he’s self employed and those sorts of pensions aren’t great. We have joint investment accounts and other investments that short of total global economic collapse should mean we are plenty comfortable in retirement. I truly have no idea what he spends his money on and I don’t really care as we trust each other, but we’re both pretty responsible with money so not something I think about much.

Do most people not put savings/investments in ISA wrappers? ISA by the very nature can’t be joint.

Yes I’m married with two Dc and we pretty much keep finances separate. But we are open about them, we can “see” all of the money and how much is where it’s still “ours” just not all in the one account. Dh pays some bills and I pay others. I save, he saves, I know what is in his accounts,he knows what’s in mine. We use whatever bank card comes to hand first. No I pay for this so you pay for that etc. it works because there is trust. Just because there is a joint account doesn’t mean that you have more trust or transparency. For me based more on the relationship status not the bank account status iyswim

Maybe you ought to consider a financial adviser who can help you plan for your future?

We are married almost 20 years and have our own accounts. We have 1 joint account- opened for mortgage cheques to go through when we were doing an extension and handy for savings and cashing cheques from DM (I am Ms Biddypop mysurname, she makes them out to Mrs Biddypop DHsurname, yes even after almost 20 years!).

Dh pays the mortgage, I cover general bills and utilities, we both have savings (dh much better though) and both know where to look in the event of the other not being around. And we both cover the other if needed.

But it means I don’t grumble when dh buys more tech nor he when I buy more books as we don’t know how much of their own spends the other actually spent.

If you pay as a proportion of your income, and he earns twice as much, he will have twice as much "spending money" as you.

That doesn't sound fair at all, to me.

You should both have the same amount to spend as you wish.