How did you know you’d met ‘the one’?

[JaneTheo]

Earlier today some friends and I were discussing the moment you realised that you were in love with someone and that they were the person you wanted to be with forever/marry. Some said it was more of a slow process of falling in love and realising it gradually. In my experience, it hit me like a train - after about 6 months we were on holiday in Rome, stood on the Spanish Steps at sunset and I just looked at him and realised - my exact thought was ‘oh crap I love you!’

I always find it really interesting when people say they knew they were going to marry someone as soon as they met - is that the case for anyone?

When I first met my partner I had a feeling that there might be complications. We swapped contact details - it was a pre-internet era, but I thought I wouldn't get in touch with him. I'd wait and see if he contacted me.

He did get in touch and we went out for a drink. We were just making small talk in a pub and I suddenly had this feeling that was more like being afraid. Quite spooky. I knew that I had a choice. Either I could decide never to see him after this date. Or I could decide to carry on seeing him. In which case my life would change completely...

We've been together over 20 years now.

@JaneTheo yea that’s true I suppose ! He had stayed the night on my sofa after coming back with a friend the night before . I made him a cup of tea in the morning amongst the chaos of getting 3 kids up and out and apparently he thought I was lovely and pursued me after that ! 15 years later and he doesn’t need to chase me anymore

We met online, chatted for a while then met in public. I loved how he talked about his family and I found myself wanting to be a part of that. That part didn't exactly work out as we're not all as close as I had first envisaged. But I digress. I thought I loved him but I only first realised I really loved him when something happened (won't divulge as outing) and I thought he was going to dump me (no, I didn't cheat!) Then I realised that I didn't want to be without him.

Thought my DS’s father was “the one”, we met through friends when I was in my last year of uni and I thought “this is a relationship I can see going somewhere” until 7 months later when I found I was pregnant. Never did a man bolt so quickly. He didn’t want to be a dad and didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore as a result. It really did feel like love at first sight when we met and it was the most giddy feeling, shame he turned out to be a prick. I did love him and I was crushed at his reaction.

My current SO was different. I had an 11 month old and was just trying to be a mum and provider when we met through work and a relationship with anybody other than my son just wasn’t important. So we became good friends and I was not feeling overly trusting but we started to date and I fancied him and it was good and whilst I didn’t get that same giddy feeling and it wasn’t the same sort of urgent, lustfilled love it was a sweeter more kind love that I really needed. I didn’t introduce him to my son for a good 5 or 6 months but when SO met DS I knew he was the one because he was so good with him. We got engaged 9 months after I introduced the two most important men in my life and now I’m expecting a child with SO.

I don't think there is a 'one'. I don't believe in fairy tales.

I met DP over 20 years ago and knew he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with from our first conversation.

We only got together 5 years ago though!

So mine is a bit odd.
About 10 years ago I was sat in a forest playground perfectly (or so I thought) content with my (8 yrs married) life. I had two kids, a new baby, a jelly belly, jogging bottoms covered in baby vomit, hair scraped up and not a scrap of make up.
On this day there was this nice light so we stopped in this forest clearing.
After a couple of moments a neighbour I'd seen around a few times stopped with his small child .He sat next to me and we started to chat. Small talk but easy conversation , I felt entirely understood in a way I'd never been before .(although I thought about this after.. It didn't occur to me at the time)
I can't understand any of what happened next, but I dropped the baby's sock and he picked it up to hand to me. As he brushed against my skin
(I totally know this sounds so cheesy like some weird erotic fiction beginning) but, a total lightning bolt sensation went through my body.
It was like the purest , most right feeling ever. I felt 100% safe, as though I wanted to stay there forever. And even weirder, he reacted as though he'd felt the same. This is a man I had never said more than good morning to 10 minutes earlier.
It took me actually months maybe years to process what I felt, I just knew I was so deeply deeply in love (yes, nuts!) and I was consumed with guilt , thrown into questioning my relationship, my sanity, my faith ....Everything . I never ever acted upon it. I even left the country to avoid the strength of my feelings.
In the end the husband I stayed faithful to turned out to be an aggressive, terrifying abusive bastard,( the red flags had been there from day one, but I married young and naïve) and I think my moment of pure joy had arisen as something like an early warning system in my body to protect my baby. Something really primal.
But that moment gave me total strength and clarity in the years that followed. I knew that there was at least one person in the world who had a similar motivation in life, who found relevance in things my husband had found ridiculous. I felt beautiful and desirable even at my lowest. And I knew that life can change in a second, for better as well as for worse.

@endlessfeasts so did you get together? You can’t leave me like that! 🤣

Endlessfeasts what happened?

How did you know you’d met ‘the one’?
I was about 34 and realised I didn’t have time to meet and marry anyone else before my fertility expired. Nor did I have men queuing up any more due to my age and health issues. So I realised I’d have to stay put in my current relationship.

I didn’t believe in love at first sight until the night I met DH. Honestly we looked at each other from across a room and the thought ‘I’m going to marry that man’ went through my head

@ccgirr
No :(
but I did learn recently, that he felt the same way in that moment. I heard it from somebody else.
But I think he met someone a few years ago .
The sad thing was that in the end my husband did something so terrible and unexpected to me, it destroyed me so much i had to spend the last couple of years recovering emotionally , and with lots of therapy. I could only focus on my children really, and on getting back what he'd taken.
It changed me forever... It just wouldn't have been fair on any of us to pursue something romantic.
I hope I'll find someone with such an inner beauty again.

Just after I left my marriage ,
I sent him an email to say i'd seen something he'd worked on , and how it really touched me. Would he like to meet.
He wrote back within about 5 seconds, telling me how much he values my opinion, and yes he would love to meet.
Sadly , it was just a few days after my life changed forever . But still the thought of someone nice in the world gave me the strength to get through it. I felt too damaged for another relationship though

The concept of “the one” is ridiculous with potentially 3.5 Billion people of the opposite sex on the planet. I think in reality there’s tens of thousands who you could potentially spark with at different times of your life.
I’ve been happily married for 30+ years but, think it would be preposterous to rule out that there’s a goat herder in Uzbekistan or a bloke called Bruce in Dubbo, who may be more or at least, as suited.
Just a coincidence that DH was my financial advisor in the same small market town in the SE of England

We’d gone on a weekend city break about 6 months into our relationship.

DH was always very reserved and sensible, whilst I very outgoing but equally self conscious (had dated ALOT of image conscious, pretentious men 😒)

Anyway- second day into the trip I got really sick. Like stuck in the bathroom unwell.

Poor DH saw far more than I wanted and I was mortified! Figured I’d ruined everything and he’d never fancy me again (I’d dated some really shallow arseholes 🙄).

DH was SOO lovely to me. He chose that moment to announce that he loved me for the first time (first time he’d ever said it to anyone) whilst I was in tears on the bathroom floor. Then he just held me for a while before nipping to the chemist.

• it’s actually a story we find hilarious now. He’s genuinely the most amazing man- but his romantic timing never improved!

I met mine online and because of diary clashes it took us about 5 weeks to meet in real life. When we did, I had an almost overwhelming urge to hold his hand (I didn’t because that would have been weird) and that was pretty much that. We’ve been together 4 years and it’s just so easy. We fit together like jigsaw pieces. He’s my rock in the sea of madness. And he’s a good man - honourable, kind, funny, strong, and he thinks I’m great. I really hit the jackpot when I met him.

I don't think there is a 'one'. I don't believe in fairy tales.

I dont believe in 'the one' either. But I do know that dp is the only that I have met that I ever had that 'bam' moment with. If we split it may happen again. Or not.

@Endless that was incredibly beautiful and moving to read - actually made me cry. Really love how you expressed your experience.

@milomonster Thank you- what a lovely thing to say. I never actually mentioned this to another soul before. It's quite cathartic to write it down!

I have no idea whether I have met 'the one'
I only know that 35 years in I've still not come across anyone I'd rather be with (in every way) than dh. And when we disagree, sometimes quite vociferously, there is always a point at which one or both of us check ourselves and make it clear that there is nobody else we'd rather be with and nowhere else we'd rather be.
'The one' could be living on the next street but I'll not be knocking on doors.
DH's 'one' could be around the corner but he's not looking either.

So we must be each other's one.

I don't believe there is 'the one' either. There are for the lucky few who stay in relationships all their adult life, that's great for them but it isn't very common. I thought my ex was 'the one' and he called me his 'soul mate'. He's now with another soul mate . So no...there isn't 'the one'. It's more like 'the one right now'.

I don’t care if there more than one ‘the one’. My DH is ‘the one’ I met and the only one I want. And it’s pretty common to stay with someone your whole adult life. In my and DH’s immediate family, all 18 couples of grandparents and aunts and uncles are still very much together (or died as a couple). These are people in their 60’s/70’s. In my generation of the family of the 17 married couples, 14 are still very much together. So in my world it’s extremly unusual for relationships not to last forever. Don’t know what the stats are overall but it’s definitely not rare.

I think pinkmonkeybird is correct, I think there can be various ‘the ones’ at different points in life. Some of us get to experience that and others don’t. I’ve had 3 long term relationships and felt at the time they were ‘the one’. What you can’t account for is the other stuff that affects relationships.

I knew within the first fortnight. I'd had a small bonus from work and wanted to do something with it, rather than buy a pair of shoes or fritter it away.

Before I knew it i'd invited him away for a weekend in about two months time. No hesitation, no game playing, no 'am I being too full on?'. I just knew i'd met my other half.

I met hubby in uni halls. They say never sleep with your flat mate - oops!
I was in an 'on the rocks' long distance relationship at the time. I couldn't deny the chemistry that me and hubby had. Everytime we got drunk we'd end up finding each other, even if we went with separate groups of people (never acting on it until I ended my relationship). He's the funniest, most entertaining, loveliest guy and puts me and our son first. Does do my head in a lot of the time but love him all the same. He's truly my best friend, my rock and my true love.

Although, I do believe you can have 'soul mates' in friends too. I'd be nothing without my soul sisters.