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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What the hell is wrong with this guy???

32 replies

Itsjustmarley · 01/04/2019 11:40

Ok so basically I was seeing a guy, known him since October 2017. We were having a fwb situation recently for 4 months, I caught feelings, basically poured my heart out to him, he said he was happy I had feelings for him Hmm but didn't feel the same and said I wasn't the one for him. Ok fine.

Now, he kept kinda reeling me back in, we got into a bit of a fight. So I decided I can't have this toxic relationship so I decide to delete and block him from everything just so I can move on from it & so he can't get hold of me. Now he's created another account and now proceeds to just watch me and my stories through it.

Can anyone just shed some light on why someone who knows they're blocked and who doesn't even want you would purposely just watch you?

OP posts:
Jessgalinda · 01/04/2019 11:43

Cause some people are arseholes.

He doesnt want you? But doesnt want you moving on either.

He wants to maintain a presence. And a way of contacting you.

Bet you anything he tries to reel you in again. Probably with an offer of a relationship, then backs out.

Dont give him any head space. Why he is doing it isnt that important.

Moralitym1n1 · 01/04/2019 11:51

Cause some people like to do the finishing, not be finished with (many people in fact) and will do whatever is necessary until they feel they're in the position of doing the finishing.

TheStoic · 01/04/2019 11:56

You are good for his ego.

NameChangeNugget · 01/04/2019 17:21

There’s nothing wrong with him, you’re just different.

BumbleBeee69 · 01/04/2019 17:57

You are good for his ego

this

Duchessgummybuns · 01/04/2019 19:37

Block that account, and if he makes another block that one too. Maybe set your privacy to “friends only” so you can have control over he sees your stories and such.

He sounds like a prick.

lickencivers · 01/04/2019 19:42

I met a guy like this. He was all I wanted but he didn't feel the same, wanted to 'remain friends. Then would attack me for not being there and supporting him when things were bad, would tell me what a nasty person I was. I continued to distance, and he would contact Me randomly telling me he had feelings, did I want to see him - the first time I said Yes and arranged a date - he ghosted me. Then weeks went by and he went on to contact me and tell me what a bad person I was for not being there.

Some people are just cunts.

Sunshineandflipflops · 01/04/2019 19:45

Why aren’t your social media settings set to private? No-one can see anything of mine unless I accept their friend request.

Closetbeanmuncher · 01/04/2019 20:26

Presumably you didnt get the answer you wanted to hear last time as this at at least the second time you've posted this....

Not to piss on your chips, but no hes not secretly in love with you and doesn't want you (except maybe for a no strings shag)

Stop obsessing over nonsense, put your social media settings to private and get on with your life already.

😉

Original poster
Itsjustmarley · 01/04/2019 21:46

Well I don't want to put my account on private as I'm not bothered about people seeing it, it was just the fact that why would someone who you've blocked create another account to watch you when they don't even want you, like why go through such effort.

And no Closetbeanmuncher I have not posted this before because its only just happened Hmm trust me, no chips were pissed on & he won't be getting a 'shag' from me hence the deleting & blocking to yes...get on with my life. It was just a mere wondering of a guys thought process on doing this

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 01/04/2019 21:51

But you clearly are bothered about people seeing what you post, as 'people' now includes this bloke!

Either accept that if you don't have private settings, anyone can lurk (and don't give any headspace to who and why); or lock down your settings!!

Musti · 01/04/2019 21:58

Well that should put you completely off him. What a tosser

Singlenotsingle · 01/04/2019 22:00

He's a stalker.

mimibunz · 01/04/2019 22:01

He doesn’t have a thought process. He’s just a dick.

Bobbycat121 · 01/04/2019 22:49

Also sure I read this before aswell. Either way all sounds pretty immature.

Dexra · 02/04/2019 06:31

"like why go through such effort."

Well, firstly, I doubt it's such effort. Probably took him a couple of minutes and then looks at it along with other women when he's a bit bored. As to why, he was fairly clear about being glad you liked him but not feeling the same. It's a control thing. He's trying to stop you forgetting him and moving on because he likes the idea if you pining over him. Basically he's a knob who didn't respect your boundaries when you blocked him.

pictish · 02/04/2019 06:46

Who knows why he did this. I can’t imagine it’s because he harbours deeper feelings for you. You gave him the opportunity to expand on your fwb relationship and he didn’t take it.
It’ll be like others have said...he’ll get a wee boost from it because he knows you wanted him. You’re ‘the one who’s in love with me’.

Jessgalinda · 02/04/2019 06:57

I have 2 Instagram accounts. Both active. The second one took about 2 minutes to set up.

It's not a lot of effort.

If you are done, stop wasting brain space on his though processes.

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2019 07:00

Are you trying to convince youreself he secretly loves you and that's why he's doing it?

SexNotJenga · 02/04/2019 07:02

He's following you for clues as to when you might next be feeling vulnerable and likely to permit him to shag you. He's already used actual words to tell you he's only interested in sex, not a relationship. Block his new account as well and move on.

user1493413286 · 02/04/2019 07:03

Some kind of enjoyment that you like him? Boosts his self esteem? Either way just block the new account too.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 02/04/2019 07:18

Well done for a) identifying that you and this guy want different things from a relationship, b) using your words to communicate this to him and c) blocking and moving on with your life when it became clear you were never going to get what you wanted from him.

He is clearly not as mature or evolved - he is miffed that you blocked him so (like child) he has thought "I'll just make a sneaky second account. Ha. Showed her". It may be that he's playing head games - some of men know very well that doing something small and inexplicable is a brilliant way to wind up a woman they know to be in love with them. They make a small, ambiguous action and watch the woman tear herself apart trying to work out "what it means".

Don't waste any more headspace on this guy.

Allways123 · 02/04/2019 07:23

Because he needs to get a life..

Allways123 · 02/04/2019 07:28

You should consider yourself fortunate because this is often how abusive relationships start. Them doing things to hurt your feelings then saying sorry and doing things to hurt your feelings again. You said it felt toxic so trust your instincts and keep having nothing to do with him cos already he's giving you stress.

Nicolastuffedone · 02/04/2019 08:16

Yes, I’ve read this before too.....I remember you’d ‘caught feelings’