obviously worth nothing to him

[pinklemonade84]

So, I bought mil a mother's day card off h as I know he's useless and wouldn't have bothered off his own back. My own mum died in 2017.

I had dd in with me last night as she had a horrible cough, which meant that I barely slept and shouted him to come and fetch her downstairs while I had a shower to wake myself up.

I came downstairs thinking I'd have a nice card to open, but nothing. So as silly and pathetic as it sounds, I've spent the majority of the morning fighting back the tears

Every single Sunday we have to go to his mum and dad's house and of course today was no exception. I stayed in the front room while he was getting ready to leave and he made a comment about me being miserable and staying at home, so I shouted that I wasn't going anywhere because I wasn't going to sit there while he gave his mum a card that Id bought, while I was obviously worth so little that he couldn't be bothered to even buy a card for me.

He came storming into the front room, threw his work bag up the wall and started screaming in my face, and punched the side of the sofa next to my head before he went to take dd (who was screaming at this point) out of the house. I went and took her off him and said that she wasn't going anywhere while he was in that mood and he stormed off upstairs while I've sat downstairs crying and trying to calm down dd

He's calmed down now and taken her to his parents' house and I just don't have the energy to argue with him and create an atmosphere with his parents. So, I'm now sat here, alone on mother's day, wishing I hadn't opened my mouth, while mil gets to play mummy to dd

Abuse as well thrives on secrecy pink. How many people in your real life know the truth about your H here; very few I suspect. That is no reflection on you at all but it is true that abuse does thrive on secrecy.

How can you be supported into leaving, what do you need here from others?.

@AttilaTheMeerkat I think the main thing is not to feel judged by others for not being strong enough to pack my bags today

It will happen, one day. I can't promise it will be today or tomorrow. But, he scared me today, and I don't want this kind of life for my little girl

He's back now and getting ready for work and he's acting as if nothing has happened. I'm struggling to hold it together to be honest

Well done, pink - it sounds like you have started to think differently, just a little. Putting some money aside whenever you can is a really good idea, and so is reminding yourself that this is about protecting yourself and your daughter - it's a long-term, lifetime thing.

Apologies if you've already said it (I have RTFT but rather quickly) - do you work outside the home? Do you have a source of money other than what your husband earns?

Fast forward 25 years and it will be your DD writing this sentence.

This

@MontyPythonsFlyingFuck the only money that I have coming in separate from him is dd's dla as shes epileptic and not very well controlled at the moment, carers allowance and child benefit. At the moment I don't work, but I'm hoping to start training again towards working in a nursery

Dla is used towards activities for dd, then the carers allowance and child benefit go on anything dd needs like toiletries and nappies, and of course our weekly food shop

H takes responsibility for the majority of direct debits and bills otherwise

I get that some people won't understand why I can't bring myself to leave today, but I think the judgement and insinuations that I don't care about dd are uncalled for and are disgusting

People react to things in different ways and just because I'm not reacting to this in the way that some of you think I should, it doesn't mean that I deserve some of the comments

If that was directed at me, then I'm not insinuating that you don't care about your DD. I'm insinuating that your childhood most likely had an effect on your relationships now and your DD will be the same if you don't get her out of that environment.

@TacoLover no it wasn't directed at you

In fact the two posters who commented and tried to guilt trip me for having let dd go with him to his parents' house after he had calmed down

The thing is, pinklemonade84, with abuse, there's always a first time, when "he hasn't done this before".
Trust me, l've been there. lt isn't about "who would want me". lt's about keeping yourself and your child safe. lt will escalate. Do you want to spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells? Do you want your child to be in this situation in 20 years?

My (ex) husband was abusive to me. One of his first memories, when he was four years old, was of his 5'3" mother backed into a corner with his (very large, 6') dad kicking and punching her. And him trying to pull his dad away to stop him hurting her.
lt becomes 'normal' in your head. Not your fault, it's just what you accept as it happens when you're young, and you don't know any different.

You don't have to do anything today, pinklemonade84. But you can plan and get things straight in your head. x

OP go and get your daughter! you are her mother, no one else. and trust me, you are worth so much more than this. it doesn't matter how 'huge' you are, you sound like such a lovely, caring and beautiful lady! maybe some time apart would help, it you don't want to leave him yet? think it over, maybe it will give him time to realise his mistakes- or you can try to get him to sit down calmly with you and talk abou it? Wishing you strength OP, good luck! xx

I completely understand why you can't leave today. You may be pleasantly surprised at how much assistance you could get in the future to live independently. Its worth looking at and planning. As for 'who would want me'? This doesn't matter right now. Fwiw though I know several women who were told the same who have met decent men. I've also met women who have turned down the possibility of a relationship who find that life is more peaceful on their own and are extremely happy.

I've booked a few days away from him at the beginning of June, which will be the first chance I get as dd is 3 in a couple of weeks.

I need some time away from him after today

Ive also confided in an online friend that Ive met through Instagram and she's said to go and have a few days near her for some company and a break, so I've decided to go for it. Dd will have her children to play with and I'll have some adult company for a change

It's disgusting that your idiot husband tells you that no one else will want you. It's something he says to destroy your self esteem in order to be able to control you.
But even if it was true I'd rather be on my own than allow some idiot to abuse me in front of my children. You deserve better. The fact that some women have it worse doesn't make it good, and being abused once time is one time too many.

It's disgusting that your idiot husband tells you that no one else will want you.

He did not tell her that.
She says that she thinks that about herself.