How do I make him leave

[flabbymommy]

My husband and I have been together for 9 years married for 4. I have two children from before and we have a little one together. I gave up work to stay at home with our youngest. I had a flat of my own

Did you mean to post more?

Why do you want him to leave? Do you own/ rent the property?

Sorry got cut off. I have a flat from before we got together and I've just found that the council haven't added him as a tenant.
Things have just gone downhill the last year and a half and I can't take it anymore. I've tried talking to him and he says things will change but they never do.
I want us to separate but I know he won't leave. I tried telling him in the past to move out but he just stays. I can't live like this anymore. It's not fair to my kids to drag them from their home plus my eldest has his SATs soon.
I just don't know what to do. I feel so useless.

Can you explain the flat situation?

You say you own it?

What do you mean the council haven't added him as a tenant? On council tax, on the house or property you live in?

What's the situation with the house you live in?

This is a council flat in just your name?

Yes council flat. It's in my name. He is named as a resident but not a tenant.

As you are married and it's the family home, I dont think you can force him out. Regardless of the way the names are set up.

So I really am stuck? I don't know if I can survive another 3 years before I can get a job and leave with my kids. I know the council won't help because I would be willing making myself homeless.

You need to get some proper advice, maybe call shelter. If you’re marriage is over and you want to divorce you really need a solicitor.

You need to contact a women's centre and get some advice.
Sounds like your in an abusive relationship if he won't leave. Do what's best for you and your children.
Good luck x

If he simply won't leave I don't feel it's fair to call him abusive.

He's not abusive. He just won't accept that the relationship is over. Shelter told me I need to get him to leave or find somewhere private. It's just so hard because I only get children benefit and that is used to get the kids things they need. I guess I'm just being overly emotional and sensitive.

I would say that him not respecting your wishes is kind of manipulating. Obviously I don't know your whole scenario and just going by what you've said on here.

You haven't given any details of the problems in your marriage, so I don't know if this is appropriate - but if you divorce this will no longer be the family home and he will have to accept that the relationship is over.

As PP said, get some expert advice.

The big problem is that since the youngest came along he has been quick to anger and blame me when things don't go the way he wants. He's not abusive. He's never laid a finger on me or the children. I just hate the way he speaks to me as if I'm an idiot. And if things are really bad he talks to me like I'm worthless. I can't afford to get a divorce because I have no income at the moment. I only get child benefit and I need that to get the kids the things they need. The straw that broke the camels back was being given a lecture about being careful with money when I asked him to get more nappies. I don't get paid again till Tuesday and the little one has been unwell so needed a few more changes then normal this week. I know I should have budgeted better this week but it's been a difficult one.

Abusive dosent just mean him hitting you. Name calling, manipulation, withholding money ect is also abuse and sometimes worse than a slap.
Personally I couldn't deal with an angry person and wouldn't know what to do if I was with someone how regularly shouted.
Please just speak to someone and get some proper advice. I know it's hard to afford everything when your on your own but it is doable if it would make you happier in the long run.

Just make sure you don't let him share a bed with you. If you are still sharing a bed with him then you cant expect him to believe it is over. Also don't do any cooking or washing for him or his dishes ect…

Also you could try giving him something in writing so it is more formal. 'Written notice to vacate the property within 2 months or whatever'. I don't know what the laws are but you might even be able to just change the locks when he is out and take his name off the council tenancy (as he isn't the one named and paying right?).

*'within two months' or whatever not 'within two months or whatever' xD

Also:

I just hate the way he speaks to me as if I'm an idiot. And if things are really bad he talks to me like I'm worthless

Umm yeah, thats called abuse. It doesn't matter how 'bad' things are, you don't talk to anyone like they are worthless, let alone someone you are supposed to care for.

Hope you get rid of him soon!

Why do you only get the child benefits? Does he work, don’t you have access to the money he brings in? If not this is financial abuse, his way of talking to you is also abuse. You may get help with solicitor costs.
www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence

Yes he works and so uses his income to cover all the bills. I can ask for money if we need something for the home, groceries ect. He's very strict with money and so always have to hand over receipts to prove I haven't gone over budget. I wouldn't count me being a stay at home mom as abuse. We made that decision together that I would stay home with the kids. We share a bed because there is nowhere else for anyone to sleep, but we have not had a physical relationship since I got pregnant.

Handing over receipts to prove. Mate, this is financial abuse.

Don't just assume the council won't help. Your assuming barriers and that is your fear stopping you from moving forward. You need, in the first place, to actually find out what the council says about a non=tenant's rights when married? It is possible he has no right to stay even though married or that on legal separation he has no rights. Make an appointment asap. Check what benefits you are entitled to if legally separated. If he needs to be physically separated before you can claim. Arm yourself with facts not assumptions.

Sofa? I'd be kicking him out to that tbh and if he wouldn't go, I would.

All that aside though if you are dependent on him for income then that's a big spanner in the works. Think you'll need to get to job hunting. Perhaps you could find work that is different hours to his so that someone will always be home for the kids?

I suppose when he leaves he will legally owe you childcare for your shared child too but you can't pursue that till he is gone :/

Maybe try calling womans aid? They'll have a good idea of what is available for women who are leaving partners and need to know what to do and what is available to support them if they have been dependent on the mans income.

Also, don’t you get child support from your other two children’s father?

So you have a second property? Who is living there now?