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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lovebombed/ghosted

37 replies

YesQueen · 30/03/2019 12:49

How do you deal with it? I haven't dated since I was at uni, am 35 now
Met someone, going really well and basically looking back on it I think he love bombed me. He's now ghosted me, despite the fact we work at the same place (different buildings/jobs etc) and I'm struggling
I miss him, and am going between anger and upset and feeling very burnt Sad

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 30/03/2019 13:32

Take it one day at a time. It'll get easier.

Dieu · 30/03/2019 13:42

Fucker.
I know it's hard, but don't for one minute give him the satisfaction of knowing that you're upset or even bothered.
It's really shitty behaviour, and I too have been on the receiving end.
Rant to us by all means, but you hang on to your dignity at all costs Thanks
And yes, it does get easier with time. Online dating is full of peaks and troughs, so don your hard hat and move on!
He is not worthy.

HarryVonSkintBats · 30/03/2019 13:45

Yep what ^ said

I had this happen to me last year, emotions were all over the place and mental health took a bit of a battering!
It's tough but you just have to give yourself enough time to get over this rough part and move on.

I found watching Matthew Hussey's videos on Youtube to be quite useful Flowers

Original poster
YesQueen · 30/03/2019 14:27

@Dieu wasn't even online sadly! I've known him over a year Sad

OP posts:
Dieu · 30/03/2019 14:47

Aww man, sorry, I just assumed. That is even worse Sad

Original poster
YesQueen · 30/03/2019 14:53

I've not said anything to him. Someone asked him about us and (these are the words they used) "he looked really down and said oh man, I just.. time and stuff going on and my head..."

Angry I'm very stubborn so I'm good at ignoring!

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 30/03/2019 14:55

Isn't it something lacking in them. Not being able to handle things in a mature manner.

I can't get my head around it. OK, benefit of the doubt with a face to face announcement but to not be able to write a couple of lines in a text/email. I mean it's not rocket science is it!

Sorry OP.

Original poster
YesQueen · 30/03/2019 14:58

I haven't dated for so long because I'm terrified of being hurt and also I've never had a long term relationship. Feels worse because I opened up a bit and let him in and now I just think why the fuck did I bother

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 30/03/2019 15:50

Don't let him ruin anything for you. These things are sent to test! Don't give up. Life!

Horsesforcourses23 · 30/03/2019 16:46

Happened to me last year. Its nothing you did, they're cowards. It does get easier, if you can block him on all social media so you don't torture yourself. Big hugs though, I know it's an awful feeling xx

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 30/03/2019 17:27

I've had this too. It's horrible. You wonder why they bothered with the lovebombing in the first place. I guess some men just really, really want to be liked. Flowers

Fedupofthisrubbish · 30/03/2019 18:28

Op you are 35, you know who you are, you have entered optimal dating age.

This was your first foray into the dating world, it's a shame it was a bad one. But don't let him put you off.

BaeBae · 30/03/2019 19:30

Basically he has issues, no healthy person does this. You’ve dodged a bullet.

purpleberry11 · 30/03/2019 21:26

Have you made a effort to talk to him. He might feel as if he has done all the work, and with your stubbornness. He may feel he's waisting his time. Always 2 sides to a story. For any relationship to work , you both have to meet half way

Dieu · 30/03/2019 22:03

There isn't always two sides to a story. Sometimes someone decides to end it for no apparent reason. And just doesn't bother to let the other person know Confused

Original poster
YesQueen · 30/03/2019 22:09

@purpleberry11 I texted him twice with no reply. I'm not begging Confused
He went from texting multiple times a day to ignoring me and blanking me in person, it's pretty clear cut...

OP posts:
AskEvans · 30/03/2019 23:37

How long were you seeing him for? Sometimes men get scared when they start to develop strong feelings for someone - the emotions make them feel less masculine i think - and back off for a bit to process the emotions and then come back one they've "remasculinsed". Sucks but could just be that.

AskEvans · 30/03/2019 23:38

*re-masculinised - although thats probably not a word but you know what i mean

Original poster
YesQueen · 30/03/2019 23:44

@AskEvans couple of months. Chatting before that and known him about a year before we started chatting properly

OP posts:
Original poster
YesQueen · 30/03/2019 23:47

From what I can gather from people colleagues chatting he tends to get attached easily and often mega involved within a short space of time. He was just out a bad relationship when we started and made a thing of me not getting attached because he said that tends to happen with him?(!) but was very vocal about how much he liked me

OP posts:
AskEvans · 31/03/2019 00:05

I think leave him be for a bit - give him chance to miss you - dont text or call him - if a man does truly like you they come back once they think you're over them - it might not be straight away though. Its happened to me more than once. If he doesn't then he's just a dick basically.

Original poster
YesQueen · 31/03/2019 00:13

Yeah I wouldn't text or call, that's definitely not me. I mostly stalking around work in insane business wear with the men doing ConfusedShock faces at me I wore fishnets because I'm usually fairly casual
Felt better with heels and some sharp tailoring on Grin

OP posts:
Meandwinealone · 31/03/2019 00:15

He sounds like a fucking twat. Which the emotional age of a five year old.
You are well rid. Even if it hurts now

Meandwinealone · 31/03/2019 00:16

With the emotional age...

Olikingcharles · 31/03/2019 00:31

It's a shitty way to behave has happened to me to. I fact it's happening now. Why can't they just say it's not working for them at least be decent and tell you what's going on. Just makes you feel even more shit especially if things were going well then they're just gone.

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