Partner always jumps to the defence of others

[ElektraLOL]

So like, he was telling me about a customer of his and I know this person and she once made physical threats towards me about a situation I had nothing to do with - she just decided to blame me. I said that this had upset me and he said 'oh no, I was talking to her - she's really nice, you must have misunderstood '. It just completely belittles my feelings and he doesn't even know her.

And he has done this before too. I hate this kind of thing, really hate it. Because my dad does it to my mum and my previous partners, for all their faults would not demonstrate this type of disloyalty. I mean he's supposed to love me.

He had an ongoing dispute with a neighbour who reacted with vengeance when he had opposed planning permission for something. I'm sure he would have been really pissed off if I said 'oh well I met him at the gym & he seems a really nice bloke'

My STBXH behaved like this constantly. I concluded it was a downright lack of respect for me, I don't know if anyone else has any ideas what's really behind it?

It was anything from if he tripped me up he'd snap "be careful," if someone else was driving by dangerously and caused me to brake sharply, my driving was shit, if he broke something it was my fault for putting it there, if people said something obviously unpleasant and vindictive, I'd misunderstood them and they were actually nice people or didn't express themselves well.

The sticking up for his friend who had cornered me and stood over me going on and on until I burst into tears was actually the final straw, which I walked out over.

My exh was exactly like this. The other person was always right. What ever the circumstances.

He's an ex now though thank goodness.

Can you give the neighbour situation as an example of how it feels to you.

It might get through his thick skull as to how he sounds when he does this to you.

I suppose the question is, a) whether he understands the issue and b) whether he wants to change.

Your feelings are correct, and they are the only thing that matters here, not trying to salvage this awful relationship and tying yourself in knots trying to make it work. He's a gaslighting prick who does the silent treatment. You're not happy. That's enough reason to cut him loose. You don't need to do anything to save this or chats or talks or sit downs because you're right, he'll never change. This is who he is.

So he apologised after giving you the silent treatment.

In addition to his behaviour, the absolute lack of self awareness and how this would be perceived would indicate, he's not a person I'd want to waste my time with.

My dad does this and it's fucking annoying. Any time I tell my parents about anything I've done or that's happened to me, no matter how small or big, he chimes in with how I'm wrong. Maybe sometimes that's fair enough, I don't mind different opinions, but I'm a normal functioning adult, I'm really not that bad. Even just statistically I cannot be wrong 100% of the time! If I change what I'm doing he will say I'm still wrong.

I've often thought about doing a reverse on him.

Does he do it to your mum? Poor woman ..