I would really appreciate advice on my complicated and stressful situation. Please bear with me on the back history because I think it is relevant for understanding why i'm in the situation I am now in.
I am 34 and a half and I have been with my partner for 9 years (first 5 were long-distance but lived together for 4). We have a happy, relaxed drama-free relationship in most respects. In the early years I would occasionally ask about children and he would say 'yes probably in the future, not now'. Four years ago after some blood tests for something else I was told I had low ovarian reserve for my age (30 at the time) and advised to do prviate IVF if I could afford it (I couldn't). I was in shock but after lots of discussion my partner agreed I could come off the pill to see if it happened naturally. Three years later, lots of sex and no pregnancies, I went back to the GP and they sent me to the hospital for tests etc, and was referred for NHS IVF.
At this point my partner freaked out and said he wasn't sure he wanted children yet. We then spent several months agonising over it. With a lot of persuasion (with hindsight, I can see this is where I went wrong) and him changing his mind several times he agreed to start IVF in November 2018, and by the end of the process he seemed quite 'in it' and wanting it to be successful, mainly to make me happy I think. However, it failed. This then brought up more difficult conversations about whether to have another go (we had 2 frozen embryos). He asked for time to think about, which I gave him, thinking that probably he would come round to it post-Brexit (he works in that area and has a lot of work stress). This brings us up to March 2019.
Then, three weeks ago - in the course of an argument about something else - he said he had decided he probably didn't want children. I was devastated and suggested we have some time apart to think about what to do. He agreed time apart would be good and said he wasn't sure how much it was the stress of the IVF but he wasn't feeling as happy in our relationship and felt I was angry with him a lot (I suppose I was a bit as I was so worried about missing my chance to be a mother), although this was the first time he'd mentioned it. We spent a few days talking and crying a lot and he started looking for a shared flat to move to.
Then... I discovered I was pregnant (conceived before his 'decision'). So after several years of believing it would only happen through IVF, we're suddenly pregnant naturally, which was a huge shock to us both. Neither of us believed that could happen.
He did not take it well at all. He wants me to terminate and feels that he had decided not to have children, so we can't proceed. He says if I proceed we will have to separate and there is no chance of us parenting together as a happy family. He thinks a child will ruin his life and that he won't love it as he ought to. He thinks it's completely wrong for a child to be brought into this messy situation.
So here I am, 6 weeks pregnant and scared. I never imagined myself as a single parent and don't have much family support nearby. I do however have a flat that I own and a part-time job so will get some maternity pay. I'm 35 this year and worried that if I terminate this pregnancy I might not get pregnant again, even if I were lucky enough to meet someone else who wanted children.
My initial reaction to the pregnancy was shock but also happiness. But now he has said this I am terrified of doing it alone, and am not sure I'll manage it. Also, I wonder whether he's right, and its unfair on the child to proceed. I don't want to be selfish. It worries me the child would have separated parents and no siblings. None of this is what I imagined.
He has agreed to talk to a counsellor but tells me not to hold out any hope of him changing his mind.
Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you for reading such a long post.