Getting married again - title?

[Ella1980]

I'm a divorcee (and proud-he was evil!) and getting married again next year.

My head is in a whirl about what to go with for my title.

When I married the first time around at 24 it wasn't something I even considered-I kind of automatically just changed my name to Mrs (ex-husband's surname). Our two sons also took his surname-again, didn't really give it a second thought at the time.

When I divorced I hated my surname as the separation was horrendous and it felt like it was yet another element of perceived control over me. I reverted back to my birth surname. Love it.

So I think I've decided to DB when I marry. I feel that I am part of two awesome families now and that DB for me is the best way of recognising my background whilst at the same time being a part of my husband's family too.

My sons are almost 9 and 11. My youngest has shown interest in DB'ing to both his dad's surname and my birth surname too at some point. I love this idea but he understands he will need to wait until legally he is old enough to do this (ex wouldn't give permission).

My biggest debate is what title to use once I'm married. I currently use Miss now because prefer that to Ms. I guess I'd prefer not to even acknowledge my first marriage it was so bad and Miss is the title that does this best IMO.

I'm really not sure about the whole Mrs thing. I think it suggests ownership to some degree which I really don't like.

My fiance says it's up to me, he'll still love me if I call myself Lady Minnie Mouse!

If you're married, what did you decide on and are you happy with the decision you made?

I have been divorced twice and both times taken my ex's surname and reverted back each divorce. However I am now married again and kept my maiden name and title of Miss. my husband does not care one bit! My children DD aged 20 and DS aged 12 have different surnames, it is a joke in the house that we all have different surnames, makes post redirection expensive!! Do what you want to do x

I kept my surname and didn't take exH's ( thank goodness) nor double barreled. My DD has her dad's surname which doesn't bother me at all.

It's entirely up to you OP what you want to do.

I always think Miss is for girls, not women. Same as Master is for boys ie Master J Smith if you were writing to a male child. I prefer Ms or Mrs for adult women.

The good thing is we can call ourselves what we like.

Oops sorry, I kept my surname but then my title was Mrs as I was married. Now I just crack on with Miss.....

What's your issue with Ms?

It strikes me as the best style for someone who does not think it necessary to announce marital status.

I've used my birth surname lifelong, changed from Miss to Ms when I left school, and didn't change either when I married.

I'm divorced but have had a dp for 10+ years, I'm known as Miss, we are planning to marry but I will keep my maiden name.
I have a friend who was married, then had a new partner, they lived together for 15 years before getting married. They have been married for a fair few years but she still uses her first married name as it is unusual and she likes it.

I was Ms Imogen Smith before and after i married.
My husband was Mr John Jones before and after he married.

He didn’t want to change his name name and like your fiancé, I loved him anyway.

What is your finance going to do about his name and title ? Is he going to DB too to show he is part of your family ?

If you want matching names,wouldn’t it be easier for your fiancé to change his name to yours and when your sons are 16 they can change to yours as well ? Rather than three of you to change ?

Also it will be a bit complicate if you all change your names and it doesn’t work out , your kids will be a bit confused by name number change number 4.

I’m married and use miss (if not using dr).

It’s not ‘for girls’. Miss has a long, proud bluestocking tradition. Many accomplished women were Miss right up until they died.

I will be too.

How often do you actually need to use your title? I use Miss , Ms and Mrs. I'm not married. Most of the time it's for completely irrelevant stuff so I just pick whichever one I fancy. Titles aren't legally part of your name so you can do what you want with it to be honest.

Agree with @Dirtybadger , I just use whatever I feel like interchangeably, but it's not often I need to use a title.

I don't like Ms either.

Ms is perfect. It has no relation to marital status. Men don't have this problem.

I asked fiance about this but he doesn't personally like DB surnames. He thinks it complicates things although I don't see how? I think he actually still holds the "pretentious" belief.

He isn't a fan of DB children names either although that wouldn't ever be although issue as he doesn't have any.

However, he does know there's absolutely no chance I am giving up my birth name again!!

I married at 22 and didn’t give a second thought to becoming Mrs husbands name. When we divorced I kept my married name because my DS has that surname and to be honest I just like the sound of it. I rarely use a title but if I’m ever asked I usually say Ms.

If I were you I’d just stay Ms birthname just like your husband will remain Mr birthname

DH and I both DB when we got married and DS has the same DB surname myname-dh name. We both use our maiden names for work

I didn't take on my ExH surname, I kept my own, it's much nicer. I also use Ms, I think of younger people when the term Miss is used, yet I'm (only) 45 years young.

I am divorced but kept my surname and use Mrs as I have been married

I DB'd my name when I got married and so did my exh. When my DC's came along they had the same DB surname. I never wanted to lose maiden name as it's quite unusual.

When I got divorced, I kept my name just because it was easier than changing everything and it was the same as DC's. The only thing I changed was Mrs to Ms. I personally prefer Ms to Miss especially at my age.

I've met someone now and having sworn I'd never marry again, I would marry him in a heartbeat. Even stranger, I'd want to take his name too.

Interesting thread, given your comments on the Miss/Ms/Mrs thread OP!

I took my exh's surname when we married and have kept it, even though it is not very attractive and my exh was a right shit, because my customers all know me by that name. It's also much simpler and in the local language so requires less explanation. I really liked my maiden name but have had my married one for so long that I'm not really bothered either way.

I've always been Ms as an adult and don't associate it with divorcees. Just makes me think of a modern, equal woman.

If we must have titles (why anyway??) Ms/Mr/Mx will do fine.

When I divorced I reverted to my birth name but stayed a Mrs.

I use Ms or Mrs. Don't know why but I feel too old to use Miss even though it's not age related.

For me it was never a decision, I always knew I'd take my husbands name and become a Mrs. I don't see it as ownership I see it as traditional.
In fact we were ttc and were successful. We had a 3 month engagement and planned the wedding in 2 months, so we were married before I was showing and before the baby was born (we had discussed marriage and both agreed that we wanted to, but we then agreed that it was important to us both to be married before the baby was born).
I'm proud to have my husbands name and would never have done anything else

Do not add your fiancé's surname to yours if he won't do the same.

Just keep your surname and use Ms.

If you're not planning to have children together it's a non-issue, you won't have to argue about whether to give them one or both surnames.