Getting married again - title?

[Ella1980]

I'm a divorcee (and proud-he was evil!) and getting married again next year.

My head is in a whirl about what to go with for my title.

When I married the first time around at 24 it wasn't something I even considered-I kind of automatically just changed my name to Mrs (ex-husband's surname). Our two sons also took his surname-again, didn't really give it a second thought at the time.

When I divorced I hated my surname as the separation was horrendous and it felt like it was yet another element of perceived control over me. I reverted back to my birth surname. Love it.

So I think I've decided to DB when I marry. I feel that I am part of two awesome families now and that DB for me is the best way of recognising my background whilst at the same time being a part of my husband's family too.

My sons are almost 9 and 11. My youngest has shown interest in DB'ing to both his dad's surname and my birth surname too at some point. I love this idea but he understands he will need to wait until legally he is old enough to do this (ex wouldn't give permission).

My biggest debate is what title to use once I'm married. I currently use Miss now because prefer that to Ms. I guess I'd prefer not to even acknowledge my first marriage it was so bad and Miss is the title that does this best IMO.

I'm really not sure about the whole Mrs thing. I think it suggests ownership to some degree which I really don't like.

My fiance says it's up to me, he'll still love me if I call myself Lady Minnie Mouse!

If you're married, what did you decide on and are you happy with the decision you made?

Ms Myname. I love Ms, I love the way it sounds and everything it signifies too. It's easy and pleasant to say.

That said, if you want to call yourself Miss double barrel despite being married, go for it. I'm of the view that more women mixing things up a bit is a good thing.

Married twice (still married to second husband).

I’ve been Miss Ellisandra the whole time.

I don’t think marital status is in the least bit interesting or useful or relevant to broadcast, and I’ve never been interested in taking a man’s name over my own (and yes, I know that was a man’s name too!)

I would find it bizarre to change my name once, let alone be onto my third name now!

When I was married I used Ms Mysurname which I do now I'm divorced (perhaps obviously). Some of my bank cards say Miss though and until recently I had a job where all women are referred to as Miss.

If I married again I'd do the same as before and be Ms Myname!

I'm impressed that after going through the hassle of changing names not once but twice already, you're thinking about changing again and going DB. I was too lazy to even do it once! Part of my decision was watching a friend go through a very acrimonious divorce to a controlling man and going through the admin of changing her name back- it was just added aggro at an already stressful time, and I'm sure he didn't even appreciate her changing to his in the first place, such was his sense of entitlement.

My PIL have been married forty years and MIL never changed, DH is DB. She is 70 and still Ms her name. She was part of my inspiration for keeping mine (she puffed up a little with pride when I told her this) and it's only really as time goes on I realise how brave she was to not bow to social convention in a very different time.

The convention in the area I work in is to call woman Ms Surname if marital status is unknown (so most of the time), and I think that's becoming common practice. I don't love the sound of Ms but much prefer it to Miss, which to me does seem like it's referring to a child rather than an adult woman.

Thanks all. No, not planning on having children together as I'll be 39 by the time we get married and my boys will be 10 and 12!

Think I'm just going to stick with Miss Birthsurname ☺

I like my maiden name, it's unusual but short and easy to spell, whereas DH's name is always mis-pronounced so I say it with an accompanied spelling. I kept my maiden name but use it like a middle name. I have been married 30 years though, and wish I had just kept my own name as I like it better and it's part of my identity.

However, I like the idea of a family name so we all have the same name, so DB seems like a good idea. But when my DB daughter has children will that be four surnames (I believe they do it in Spain).

I was a teacher so was always called Miss. Only bills use Mrs haha!

In the end, it's what you want.

Mental overload. Where I come from, I am Liz. Not miss, not mrs. Just me. We also don't change names when we marry. You British make things so complicated without need

Pretty much. Although just the women, of course. The men get to keep it nice and simple and unremarked on.

We should all stop this name changing thing because it's the 'tradition' constantly reminding us that we were the property of men. My grandmother was Mrs John Smith so there has been some evolution.

As for title - I think anything is better than missus.

I feel really sad now, because my husband didn’t love me enough to change his name to mine. Maybe he doesn’t want to show how proud he is to be my husband.

Perhaps people will think he is divorced because he uses the title Mr? And it has such a hard sound. Who would guess that Mr is pronounced mister ?

Oh it’s such a dilemma .

IM0GEN 😁