Cut off by 2 friends-heartbroken

[dollypollywolly]

Hi there. I'm asking for advice because I really am struggling and am in a lot of emotional pain.

I have been friends with one of the women for about 4 years. I gradually became friends with the other- her best friend, over that time. We did quite a lot of stuff together, either all 3 of us, separately with either of them, or including our partners.

They have made some comments to me over that time which I had taken as jokes. Such as saying they 'hate me because I'm a skinny bitch and can eat what I want' and 'it makes them sick how hard they work when people on benefits sit on their backsides' (I'm on benefits as a carer) and that they don't want to have their photos taken with me as I 'show them up.' I went out my way to try to be a good friend to them both, listened to their problems, asked how they were, hosted meals, made a fuss of them on their birthdays... etc.

I split from my fiancé a few months ago which has been a huge bereavement for me, we were together for 4 years. My whole life has been shattered and I am now back to being a single mum of my disabled son and my life is very isolating as I cannot work and I struggle to meet many new people. So these friendships meant a lot to me, even though I do have a few other, closer friends.

I have been through a very difficult time before my relationship split including a miscarriage at 4 months when I didn't even know I was pregnant, and then I developed sepsis and was very ill. When my relationship broke down after back in November I had a big breakdown with my mental health and ended up under the crisis team on and off and have had a lot of support from my mum and stepdad. I have also had a lot of physical health problems.

These 'friends' began to push me out a while back. They rarely contacted me unless I initiated contact. When I did see them they didn't really understand why I could get so depressed. They seemed to be miffed at me. They joked that they only want 'the positive' and they have been doing lots of things together and with other friends and not asked me. It was my birthday last month but they were quick to say they were busy and can't see me.

I have tried a couple of times to ask the original friend if there is something I've done wrong and she's replied saying she's just so busy etc etc. My messages often go ignored and unread on WhatsApp yet they will be posting away on facebook or online.

I decided not to contact them for a few weeks and as expected I didn't hear from them. I told myself I'd be strong and just let them get on with it and move on, but I had a very low weekend and I ended up messaging the main friend again asking if she was ok and how I miss her and the other friend and I just want to know if I have offended them or something and could I possibly call her to chat about it?
I received back a cruel message telling me she doesn't want to speak to me or she'll say something she regrets, that they have a life and a job which I don't have, I am NOT their priority and that I need to stop hassling her and get a life basically. I was so gobsmacked I spent the weekend in tears. It's sent me spiralling back down. I didn't reply, and I have now subsequently been blocked on all social media by both of them.
I have wracked my brains to what I have done wrong but I can't think of anything apart from asking why I was being treated that way. The last few months especially I have been very mindful not to contact them very much so it's not like I have been clingy.

If anyone could offer me any advice or support I'd be so grateful. I've torn myself to shreds worrying what I've done wrong. I spoke to my other 2 good friends and they said they were never friends and have shown that. I also asked if I am needy and they both said I can be a bit over sensitive occasionally since being unwell but not really clingy and that a true friend would understand that.

Thankyou in advance 💖

Oh hon, I'm so sorry that you have been treated this way. It sounds like you have been through a really hellish time. To be honest, they don't sound like real friends at all. Even before your difficult time they were saying things like you show them up, they hate you because you are skinny, having digs about being on benefits. They sound like really awful people that you are better off without. Please don't give them the satisfaction of worrying what you have done wrong. THEY are the ones who have done wrong and they should be ashamed of themselves. I'm glad you have other, better friends. Value them and be glad you are rid of people who can be so cruel. xx

Oh I am so sorry OP. I don't have any advice other than you genuinely are much better off without these 2 women. It sounds like they weren't particularly great friends to begin with and harboured a lot of jealousy of you. Friends should compliment each other, not criticise. OP they sound positively awful.
I think you've been through an awful time so needed friends around you and sadly you've had 2 terrible ones who only care about themselves.
They have acted in a cruel and callous way towards you and were not there for you when you really needed friends.
I know its really hard but stay way from these awful women and perhaps focus on the other friendships you have.
Some people are not good to have in your life, and these 2 women are definitely in this category.

They sound nasty, bitchy, shallow people tbh - not the sort of people who you need in your life. The writing's been on the wall for quite a long time, hasn't it? It sounds like they were just jealous of your slim figure and the fact that you are on benefits. (Not that they would want a disabled child though!) They've shown themselves up for what they are. Don't give them another thought.

These two buckets of toss are of the fare-weather variety I'm afraid, essentially you're not useful to them anymore. Real friends stick by you when you have problems, in fact that's when they're closest.

As upsetting as it is I think them blocking you is actually a blessing in disguise as the pair of them sound utterly vile.

You haven't done anything wrong, I'm afraid it's a fact of life that when you scratch the surface of some people it's little more than glitter covered dog shit.

Spend some time with your real friends and be glad to be rid of the toxicity.

They're not friends and you can do much better than them. Complete strangers would be more supportive than that. What appalling bitches. You'd be better off with no friends at all than with them.
It's their problem and not yours. Karma will get them eventually. Keep your chin up.

They were never friends, I had two friends like this who whenever I would meet with them it was clear they’d been gossiping about me (they fired synchronised questions at me constantly).

Shame on them. I distanced myself from them and it’s great, onwards and upwards.

Oh op I’m so sorry that sounds awful.
I agree they have shown their true colours and are not worthy of your friendship doesn’t make this process easier for you though.
Trust us op you sound lovely - focus on your true friends and making connections with new people who are more understanding of what a bloody hard job you do and forget these bitches. Chin up op.

They sound really nasty. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it now but you are probably better off without them. Being pushed out hurts though and you’ve every right to feel sad and let down. However, don’t let it keep you down for long. It sounds like you’ve got some other ‘proper’ friends thankfully so focus on them and maybe join some clubs or groups and meet some new people too. Also, give yourself time - it sounds like you’ve had a truly awful year. Please try to find ways to forget about them and be kind to yourself xx

Thankyou for taking the time to reply to me and your lovely reassuring words. It has helped me so much and shown me that there ARE good people out there.
It's just such a very lonely time for me, it was before what happened with them at the weekend, but now it feels unbearable. I miss having my partner to talk to about things and that support. I'm ashamed to say it but they made me feel so bad I contemplated taking my life, which of course being a mum will always be a protective factor of and I just couldn't do it to my baby, but I thought about it all weekend, as DS was at his Dads. I think it was just the icing on the cake for me. My self esteem is so low and they really dug the knife in. I know for a fact they are 2 very unhappy women with a lot of their own problems and I should feel sorry for them but what they have done is just so cruel. I can't bear the thought of bumping into them, or them sitting together and laughing at me. I know it sounds ridiculous but it's totally consumed me. I am lucky to have my 2 other friends and I'm off to Amsterdam with one of them next weekend so I do have that to look forward to thankfully. I can't Thankyou enough for your kind words ladies 💖

Well obviously they are jealous that they are fat and you are slim, also they work and you don't, get some new friends they are a waste of space x

Make sure you post it up on social media about your trip to Amsterdam. They might have blocked you but they'll probably hear about it. Hope the weather is nice, and have a lovely time.

@Singlenoteingle good idea..

Also make sure you take lots of pictures stuffing your face while looking skinny for that extra dose of fuck off 😂😂

OP please remember what an amazing person you are. You are doing such an amazing job with your LO and not many people could do what you are doing. Sadly we all go through life meeting awful people like this along the way. You will look back on your friendship with them in the future and wonder what the hell you were doing with them in the first place. Try to see this as a life lesson, learning curve or similar.
I don;t know how old you are OP but as you get older, you learn to dump the people who are toxic in your life. Going forward you will learn to appreciate the really important people in your life. You are top of that list so please take care of yourself. Go to Amsterdam with your friend and have an amazing time, you deserve it.

I wanna twist their nipples, nasty bitches.

They probably got rid of you because they realised that you weren't a nasty bitches and it made them uncomfortable.

Jeez how nasty from nasty, bitchy witches!

So sorry to hear what you're going through OP. Look on the bright side, good riddance.

Enjoy your trip to Amsterdam and I second the stuffing face and lots of photos to post online. Look after yourself and you're doing a great job caring for your DS

Fuck these arseholes.
Not true friends and clearly jealous. They will pick another victim who will get the same treatment.
Word of advice? DONT let it consume you.
Don’t live your life thinking of them and what could have been and worrying if you will see them. Head high, tits out and ignore at all costs. Don’t let them hold you back.

Basically what everyone else has said! You don't need these twunts in your life!
Feel free to pm me, I'm in Hampshire if you're local. 😊

Please, please OP, do not shed one tiny tear or spend one more minute thinking about these two creatures. They are beyond awful.

I bet so many more people than you realise have total respect for what you do and who you are. In comparison, I can guarantee you that so many people who know them will think these two are absolute horrors, because you won't be the only person they've treated like this. People will know exactly what they are like.

They will end up with only each other, if they don't turn on each other at some point.

Hold your head high, have an absolute fucking ball in Amsterdam, and don't ever let those bitches back into your precious life

You poor darling, what an awful lot to have to manage.

It sounds to me like this pair were never your friends.
They used you as a little pet, condescending to toy with you even though you are so 'other' to them - (how dare you be skinny, & be a carer!).
Quite probably, the best friend of your original friend has egged her into dropping you now they are tired of the novelty of you.

It's a hell of a lot to take on board emotionally given everything else you are also enduring/managing. But - in time - when you are a little more on top of your health & wellbeing, you will realise how much better off you are without this pair of manipulative, down-talking bitches in your life.

They are shallow, callous, & not worthy of your time & attention. Do not for one moment believe that their distorted & vicious thinking reflects anything about who you are. They have to live with being cold hearted twats - you, however, get to move on & find people who you are able to relax with, trust, & enjoy valuable relationships with. I doubt either of the bitches have that in their icy little lives.

Very best wishes to you xx

I’m sure you are worth a dozen of them OP.
Who could type such a nasty reply to your entirely reasonable question? They sound beyond unpleasant and mean.

But karma is a bitch OP so what comes around....don’t answer the calls when they do decide they need you.

For now, dust yourself off, know that they aren’t worth a single moment more of your thoughts. Look forward to your weekend (sounds fab) and then focus on what you can do to meet new people. Do you have any regular care for your DS like a club or day centre? If so find a group or hobby or club that you can join and go for it.

They aren't friends, don't waste another moments thought on them. Rise above, and show them what they're missing, you're worth 100 of them x

I reckon (because of the skinny bitch/you show us up comments) that now you are single they see you as a threat and their men might be eyeing you up. With those two bitches for dps/dws l wouldn't blame them.

and worry their men might be eyeing you up l mea t

They weren't joking about wanting only the positive (or superficial). They meant it. They were fairweather friends and the tough time you went through annoyed them.

You're better off without them. You have better friends.

They’re utterly poisonous cunts. And I don’t use that word lightly.

Don’t give them any more headspace my lovely.

I only work part time as a single parent with a disabled child and depend on benefits. My true friends think I’m amazing, not a sponger. They are there to support me, listen to me whinge occasionally, get drunk with me when I’m child free and laugh with me. That’s what friends do.

Those women aren’t friends and probably never were. You were their project, their pity pet. The novelty has worn off and they’ve shown their true colours.

Move on, don’t contact them. Delete their numbers, unfriend them on Facebook. Have a wonderful time in Amsterdam and try and forget them. Tough but necessary. They say friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Well they’ve had their season, so time to move on.

💐