Cut off by 2 friends-heartbroken

[dollypollywolly]

Hi there. I'm asking for advice because I really am struggling and am in a lot of emotional pain.

I have been friends with one of the women for about 4 years. I gradually became friends with the other- her best friend, over that time. We did quite a lot of stuff together, either all 3 of us, separately with either of them, or including our partners.

They have made some comments to me over that time which I had taken as jokes. Such as saying they 'hate me because I'm a skinny bitch and can eat what I want' and 'it makes them sick how hard they work when people on benefits sit on their backsides' (I'm on benefits as a carer) and that they don't want to have their photos taken with me as I 'show them up.' I went out my way to try to be a good friend to them both, listened to their problems, asked how they were, hosted meals, made a fuss of them on their birthdays... etc.

I split from my fiancé a few months ago which has been a huge bereavement for me, we were together for 4 years. My whole life has been shattered and I am now back to being a single mum of my disabled son and my life is very isolating as I cannot work and I struggle to meet many new people. So these friendships meant a lot to me, even though I do have a few other, closer friends.

I have been through a very difficult time before my relationship split including a miscarriage at 4 months when I didn't even know I was pregnant, and then I developed sepsis and was very ill. When my relationship broke down after back in November I had a big breakdown with my mental health and ended up under the crisis team on and off and have had a lot of support from my mum and stepdad. I have also had a lot of physical health problems.

These 'friends' began to push me out a while back. They rarely contacted me unless I initiated contact. When I did see them they didn't really understand why I could get so depressed. They seemed to be miffed at me. They joked that they only want 'the positive' and they have been doing lots of things together and with other friends and not asked me. It was my birthday last month but they were quick to say they were busy and can't see me.

I have tried a couple of times to ask the original friend if there is something I've done wrong and she's replied saying she's just so busy etc etc. My messages often go ignored and unread on WhatsApp yet they will be posting away on facebook or online.

I decided not to contact them for a few weeks and as expected I didn't hear from them. I told myself I'd be strong and just let them get on with it and move on, but I had a very low weekend and I ended up messaging the main friend again asking if she was ok and how I miss her and the other friend and I just want to know if I have offended them or something and could I possibly call her to chat about it?
I received back a cruel message telling me she doesn't want to speak to me or she'll say something she regrets, that they have a life and a job which I don't have, I am NOT their priority and that I need to stop hassling her and get a life basically. I was so gobsmacked I spent the weekend in tears. It's sent me spiralling back down. I didn't reply, and I have now subsequently been blocked on all social media by both of them.
I have wracked my brains to what I have done wrong but I can't think of anything apart from asking why I was being treated that way. The last few months especially I have been very mindful not to contact them very much so it's not like I have been clingy.

If anyone could offer me any advice or support I'd be so grateful. I've torn myself to shreds worrying what I've done wrong. I spoke to my other 2 good friends and they said they were never friends and have shown that. I also asked if I am needy and they both said I can be a bit over sensitive occasionally since being unwell but not really clingy and that a true friend would understand that.

Thankyou in advance 💖

It’s not you, it’s them. They’re enjoying feeling superior to you when all they are are a couple of bitches. They’ve blocked you - as the saying goes the trash took itself out - delete their numbers and concentrate on yourself and your child and getting to a happy place again.

Oh op, you have been though the mill haven't you lovely.
You are better off without these two for sure. Block them on all social media and whatspp and focus on you.

What a pair of horrible C@&£ ‘s - I’m glad your real friends have reassured you!

I am not in your position but have good friends on benefits (ill health) and another with poor mental health.

Yes sometimes I irrationally get jealous of my good looking “skinny” friend on benefits BUT it is irrational! She is amazing and has (probably) as much jealousy for me working and seeing and doing things without criticism from anyone. I’d never ever comment on her weight, or cut her out of anything. She is extremely shy about herself and doesn’t even think she is attractive though, so I often tell her how there is no point being stood next to her 😂

I do find my other friend sometimes hard work, as she can actually be super clingy and is very manic. But if I’m in a tough place I just tell her, she talks to another friend that evening and I speak to her the next day! I’d never not invite her to something or cut contact for that reason.

If your able to with your caring for your child, try and join a group on any social media in the local area to meet similar mums. It can be really isolating as you’ve said otherwise.

Please stay positive! You are not the issue, they are! X

OP its not you It's them. Block and move on. You wouldn't accept such shitty treatment from a partner - don't accept it from a so called friend. Shame on them for being so harsh rude and just horrible. You are better than them and I truly believe in karma - if you go through life shitting on people one day you will do it to the wrong person!!

Focus on building up your life again from the inside. I split with H of nearly 25 years last year (not my choice Although for the best) so I get how you feel. I miss the good side of him but am now feeling happier in myself. Someone on here said to "date myself" which sounds weird but has helped. Once a week I do something I like just for me - cinema, meal out, hill walk, Netflix movie with wine and take away etc. Date type things. I also pamper myself a lot more now. It does feel a bit meh at first but I now really look forward to it! I've actually cancelled a,real life offer of a night out from a friend as I was just so looking forward to my movie night! It's had the effect of me being happy with me which makes me better company when I do go out with friends as I am.much more relaxed.

It will get better - KOKO!

A few days late but I just wanted to thank you all for such lovely replies. You have all helped me in a very emotionally painful situation to shed some light. It takes special people to take the time to send such kind thoughts to and reassure a complete stranger. I'm so grateful ladies 😊

I’m so sorry they treated you like that. I am sort of going through the same thing and have been very upset this weekend after the actions of a friend. I think everyone is right. They aren’t real friends. Which is awful when you think they are. It’s not you OP. Keep your chin up an just think stuff them. You are are a better and nicer person than they are XX

I’m sorry to hear this.
Tough times reveal true friends.
I have been in a similar situation.
You will see that you are better off without them.
They sound rotten.
They don’t understand as a career it is a job.
Xxx