Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I looked at his phone

38 replies

Summerontheway · 24/03/2019 23:12

I have name changed for this. I'm not sure what to do. I looked at my husband's phone tonight and I'm not sure why I did it to be honest, just had a weird niggling feeling so I had a look. Nothing to find in messages or call history etc but I was looking at his WhatsApp contacts and a really weird thing struck me, our kids holiday club and school were in the available WhatsApp contacts. I thought it was really odd as I didn't know either of them had mobile numbers so checked against my phone and low and behold they do NOT have mobile numbers only landlines. I checked in his proper contacts and he's got the landline as the main number and these 2 mobiles as a secondary number. I checked his work phone too and again no message/call history with either number on there but he has the school one in there too.

As not to drip feed, he had a day off on Friday and went to London alone (i was working). Was there all day and I had no reason to be suspicious as things are good between us and he never gets a day off so when he does I wouldn't think it odd for him to go somewhere for the day. Anyway I thought his top he'd worn smelt much stronger of aftershave than normal. I'm now wondering if he met up with someone. I looked at his pictures too and on his work phone there was a picture he'd taken of himself in a Snapchat type style but he never sent it to me. That was on his day off too. He doesn't use snap chat (ive checked) and if he was taking it for me he wouldn't have used the work phone.
I feel sick and confused. We've been married for 12 years and have 2 young kids. I thought everything was good and now I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
rosewater20 · 24/03/2019 23:16

I would copy the numbers down so that you have them and maybe check them on your own WhatsApp to see who they could be (profile picture, etc.). It is not great that you snooped on his phone, but now that you have suspicions I would keep a lookout for anything out of the norm.

ConfCall · 24/03/2019 23:17

Just to clarify: you think he's saved another woman's mobile number against "Acorns Nursery" (or whatever) rather than against her actual name, to keep you of the scent?

Doyouavocado · 24/03/2019 23:18

What was the Wattsapp profile pic of the kids clubs? That would tell you who it really is

Worriedwart18 · 24/03/2019 23:19

Write down both numbers and Facebook search them.

Or add them to your own WhatsApp and see what display pic pops up (maybe of that person).

Or use someone else's phone and call. Pretend to ask for someone see who picks up, say oh sorry who is this? Then hang up.

Original poster
Summerontheway · 24/03/2019 23:21

@conf call yes that's what I think is going on. Neither of the numbers have a WhatsApp picture but they do definitely have WhatsApp accounts. I've copied the numbers to my phone. I don't know what I plan to do with them though.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 24/03/2019 23:21

You can put the numbers in facebook search too I think.

MyOtherProfile · 24/03/2019 23:22

Call the numbers.

Original poster
Summerontheway · 24/03/2019 23:23

worriedwart18 I was thinking I could call them from my work phone tomorrow and see who answers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summerontheway · 24/03/2019 23:23

Damn I'm not on Facebook. Does it store people numbers on there?!

OP posts:
Littleraindrop15 · 24/03/2019 23:27

You can also use the number to search FB if they have linked it.

Op I would also call the numbers on withheld and see if a woman answers and ask who they are

MyNameIsXYZ · 24/03/2019 23:30

If he is adding women to his WhatsApp under false names then using your kids’ club and school are an odd choice. Surely if you saw a message pop up from either you are likely to insist on reading it... wouldn’t he be more likely to add women under ‘windscreen repair company’ or something?

rosewater20 · 24/03/2019 23:33

Does he have any messages from those numbers? Could it be the number of someones who works at the school? Check the archived chats folder on Whatsapp too.

Normally I would suggest just asking your partner. Letting him know that you crossed a line by looking but had a gut feeling and see what his reaction is and how he responds to you. That is probably how I would go about this but since you are unsure of what you found and this could be nothing, maybe see if anything else comes up and if not then move forward.

MyKingdomForBrie · 24/03/2019 23:36

It doesn't 'store' numbers as such but you can link your number to your profile and make it searchable.

Does a mate have Facebook who you trust? Have you googled the numbers? I'm

Original poster
Summerontheway · 24/03/2019 23:37

I get what you're saying MyNameIsXYZ but what other explanation could there be? I imagine he/they would be careful to only text when I'm not around and he thinks he's been a complete genius by 'hiding' the number?

OP posts:
Acis · 24/03/2019 23:49

The fact that you don't have the mobile numbers on your phone doesn't seem to prove that the nursery doesn't have them. If there isn't a call history for those numbers it doesn't sound as if there's anything going on.

Original poster
Summerontheway · 24/03/2019 23:55

He would definitely be deleting his call/message history to the numbers. I don't believe that just because there is no history that he hasn't been chatting with someone else. People who cheat don't leave an obvious trail. Sorry to sound like I've made my mind up but those numbers are definitely not related to our school/kids clubs. I'll ring them tomorrow then I'll speak to him I think.
This has happened to me before with a previous partner and he had an email account I didn't know about and was erasing his call and message history. He even went away with her and I had no idea so it is possible for people to not leave a trace

OP posts:
rosewater20 · 25/03/2019 00:00

Has anything like this happened with your DH before? I am curious because you seem convinced that he is talking to someone in a way he shouldn't be and I while I do believe you should trust what your gut is telling you, there also isn't a lot to go on. I think it would be helpful to know if this is a pattern of behaviour?
In the meantime, I would also check search histories and Uber history and your credit card and banking statements.

CatGoals · 25/03/2019 00:05

If you look on the nursery websites are any mobiles listed and are they the same?

Fridasrage · 25/03/2019 00:08

I'd be very worried to be honest Hmm
Keep us updated on what happens when you call the numbers!

GrandTheftWalrus · 25/03/2019 03:48

My exH had one of his OW saved as the name of the restaurant he'd always promised to take me to.

Then the next OW was saved as one of his friends name.

This was in the days when you had to go into the messages to see them. So when I saw 5 messages from "roger" I thought nothing of it.

Maddy762 · 25/03/2019 08:33

Put 141 before the number so you can call on withheld number.

Bluntness100 · 25/03/2019 08:37

Could the numbers be someone at the kids club? So a contact there?

LaughingCow99 · 25/03/2019 08:38

I'm sorry op, but this does not look good.

I'd say yes, he likely did meet her on his day away and the photo was taken before he met her that day. Jesus.

I'd be lying low for now and look for more evidence. If he thinks you are on to him, he will go into lockdown mode.

You absolutely don't deserve this. I'm sorry.

Alaria44 · 25/03/2019 08:44

There's not a lot to go on if he has deleted any messages.

But yes contact the numbers and find out who it is!

Just read your previous experience with an ex partner. Sorry to read that.

RuggyPeg · 25/03/2019 08:47

Why were you getting a funny suspicious feeling about him? What prompted you to look at his phone?