Is he tight or just forgetful?

[UnweaveTheRainbow]

Ive been seeing someone for two years now and we meet up roughly every month, sometimes more, sometimes less. We met with friends at a big event in his town. I spoke to his friends who all seemed nice, he spoke to my friends who all said the same about him. It’s long distance (200 miles). We’re both mid-forties. He has an 18 year old daughter, I have no children. We both have good jobs (his is professional and high pressure, with lots of national travel while mine isn’t).

That’s the background, this is the problem. We only meet up mid-week in hotels paid for by his company, so at no expense to him. We’ve hardly ever met up at the weekend as this is when his daughter stays with him (Fri & Sat). He’s never been to my house and Ive never been to his house.

We’ve now had three holidays; one short luxury break and two long weekends. I’ve paid for all of them at a cost of over £1,800. He always apologises for forgetting to pay me back but then still doesn’t pay me back.

He’s generous otherwise, he pays for the odd dinner or lunch and always buys drinks and pays for taxis. He also buys me things he knows I like such as bottles of Moet.

I wouldn’t mind if I was the one pushing for the holidays but I’m not. He’ll keep mentioning them until I book. If I don’t book then nothing happens, as happened last summer. He’ll go away with his parents and daughter though. They may be booking those holidays though!

He says he’s divorced and I don’t think he’s lying. Ive seen pictures of his home, his friends, family etc. and Ive been involved in a Skype call he made to his parents last year while we were away and they were very nice to me so he’s not keeping me secret. He says he loves me and wants to be with me and is hoping to move closer to me next year.

What would you do in this situation? Just refuse to book anything else and tell him why or carry on making all the arrangements and seeth quietly?

I really like him, otherwise I’d jump to the dump!

Read back the comments on this thread. All of them.

Are you going to continue seeing him (whether sitting back a bit or not) or are you going to break up with him and move on?

It doesn't matter if he's married / with someone else, it doesn't matter if he's embarrassed about his house, it doesn't matter if he was on a break etc etc

All that matters is whether you're happy and secure with him or not. And you're not. You don't need an official reason / proof / drama to break up. If you aren't happy and secure then leave.

I hope you do, and that you find someone generous like you who wouldn't dream of taking the piss.

So, what's your plan?

Of course there is nothing embarrassing about renovations, it's normal to want to show them off, and the likely hood he's been living for two years in brick dust is low to minimal.

Op, if this is real,then I do not understand how you can't see what is glaringly obvious.

Ask for your money back and tell him you'll be up in his neck of the woods and would love to see round his place. That if he can sleep there every night then you've no issue sleeping there.

Then see what happens.

Well I'd ask him for the money. And when he mentions another holiday, say it's his turn to book.

But really, this doesn't sound that great.

Maybe it will turn out ok, but I do think you should see each other's houses. Pop over for tea as his when his dd is visiting. If she can stay there, you can have a cup of tea there. You both know what building work is like, so nothing to be ashamed of.

But actually, this just sounds very tight. The bottles of Moet put you off the scent, but that doesn't cost nearly as much as a holiday.

I'd be tempted to turn up at his house at 7.30pm one evening with a bottle of wine as a "surprise" you're in the area.

He's not forgetful, he's remembering very well not to leave a paper trail. The holidays with you were no doubt "work trips abroad".

I'm really sorry. You're not an idiot at all. It sounds like you fell for a liar. We're reading this after two years, but you've been like the lobster in the pot, not sure whether it's getting hot or not. You're supposed to trust someone you fall for! You did nothing wrong here.

You need to ask him for the £900 for his share of the holidays. Shouldn't be a problem if he can afford an Audience.

An Audi even.

Get your money back.
He’s probably spent nothing on you. It sounds like he can claim all the meals and drinks on expenses and maybe even the champagne (client gifts?) who knows.
Something is very off.

I'm totally bemused, what a very strange scenario OP. Did you not resent paying for the second or third holiday when he hadn't coughed up for the first? You do realise that the meals and taxis go on his expenses?

Cross post Salem, we think alike.

Well he sounds like a real prize. But you are certainly not an idiot. Does he work in sales by any chance? My thoughts would be to ensure that you get your money back for the holidays and if you feel it is worth it, directly state your concerns. Having been with someone who was initially 'tight' with money yet lapped up my own and later transpired to be Emotionally and Financially abusive, I would say get out whilst you still have your life and sanity in tact.

I'd say without a shadow of a doubt he is with another woman/ or women.
Just because no one else is down on the council tax bill or electoral role means nothing.
Get your money back now for the holidays then ditch him. Hes not your boyfriend, he's just using you for a shag and company.