I'm in need of some advice on how to handle my husband.
We have been married nearly 3 years (together 10) and have a 1 year old and a 2 year old.
The past 18 months he and my mother have had huge arguments. It was a dreadful falling out. Viscous, almost evil things were said. I was told to choose sides. I refused and my relationship with both parties has suffered as I refused to pick a side.
This thread is about my husband and how he treats me now. And it's pretty shit. I am always in the wrong, everything I do is wrong. I don't think things through, I forget things, I mess things up, I'm stupid, I cause him stress, I'm selfish, I spend too much time working (new business), I don't pay enough towards the house bills, I don't do enough with the children, the poor baby doesn't get enough stimulation, the house is dirty, he says nasty things, gets cross when I'm home slightly later (15-30 mins) than I had planned, asks if I'm cheating on him, checks my phone, bad mouths my mother constantly and the way she is a bad influence on our children, and the worst- he gives me silent treatment for days in end, sometimes weeks. He tells me I just need to apologise when I make these mistakes. I need to say sorry more.
The thing is, his father now has very recently been diagnosed with cancer. He has some very tough treatment ahead and we are all praying he pulls through. He's a lovely man.
I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My mum who I was very close to... Would probably just say "I told you so". I don't want to her thinking/realising that i should have 'chosen her side'.
He spends every evening playing computer games. He doesn't eat dinner with me and the boys. (He will help me bath and put them to bed, so that's one thing he is good at.)
On the rare occasion he comes downstairs, he changes the TV. Tells me my TV shows are crap and tacky. But will sit on his phone throughout the entire movie 'we' watch. After spending all nights on the computer or 'making the effort' and spending time to watc TV with me, he will expect sex. I just don't feel attracted to this behaviour. I often go along with it because I just want sleep, and I know if I don't comply, he will give me the silent treatment for a few days. (Leaving clothes and mess around the house is standard so I won't bore you with those bug bares...)
It had crossed my mind to leave, but financially and mentally I couldn't do it. I wouldn't know what to do/where to go/who to talk to. I have been earning a very low wage since having the babies. (Trying to set up a business which I have sunk all my savings in to).
My husband had turned nasty before his father was diagnosed with his cancer. But now, I don't know how to handle his behaviour. How much of his behaviour should I be letting slide? I can't be too harsh on him now, at this tough time.
But I'm utterly miserable. I'm verging on depression (which he doesn't believe in). I feel like I physically hurt inside
What would you do in my situation?