So my husband can be a lovely lovely man, supportive, kind, wonderful dad etc etc. But sometimes he can be awful... I’m a sahm and I constantly get accused of being lazy/doing nothing all day etc. He is an angry/aggressive man by nature, just the way he is, compared to me who is placid and won’t say boo to a goose. Sometimes he gets very angry and ‘dark’. As you can imagine this is hard to live with, and although he has his many many good qualities, sometimes I need an outlet.. sometimes I need to talk to my girlfriends about his behaviour. However, he reads my phone.. he reads every message to every friend or acquaintance. I’m careful not to leave my phone where he can access it, but I know he reads it when I’m asleep, or any chance he gets really... if he stumbles across any messages where I’ve talked to someone about his behaviour, he goes nuts. Telling me I’m not respecting him by “slutting him off to everyone”. If he’s discovered I’ve talked to someone he knows, told them what he’s said/done he gets angry because I’ve “slutted him off and made him look bad so that I look better”. If he’s discovered I’ve talked to someone he doesn’t know then I’m “slutting him off to people he doesn’t even know”.
I don’t know what to do. He says I’m wrong to talk to people about him (he says it’s only to make me look better), but not talking to anyone would just, I don’t know, contain the situation...I guess I feel I need to reach outside the marriage sometimes, or I’ll get lost in what’s acceptable and what’s not.
Am I so bad to talk to friends about bad times? I thought that’s what all girlfriends did?