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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Drunken kiss and I’m struggling with the guilt..

43 replies

Feelingterrib · 23/03/2019 19:51

Last weekend I had a work night out with colleagues, I hardly drink but on the night I got abit carried away and ended up very drunk. Ended up back at an after party with everyone. As I was leaving I went to say bye to my colleague (male) and we kissed and it was a proper snog and when I pulled away I never really understood how it had happened! I know it sounds ridiculous not knowing how it happened but it literally happened out of nowhere

I am in a relationship and have been for 8 years and I love my partner so much and I’ve been really upset that I could have done this to him

It hasn’t been awkward at work and I don’t even know if he remembers the kiss. I don’t find my colleague attractive or see him in this way at all!

I don’t know what to do as me and my partner have had a rocky few years with stressful things (not cheating or anything like that) and we are finally back on track and telling him would set us back.

Any advice please? This guilt is a horrible feeling

OP posts:
coco2891 · 23/03/2019 20:02

Tell him exactly what happened and deal with the consequences 🤷‍♀️
Wouldn't you want to know if it were the other way around, he can make an informed decision on your future together or apart.

bigchris · 23/03/2019 20:04

I wouldn't tell him

Shortandsweet96 · 23/03/2019 20:06

I agree, you have to tell him.

I asked my OH once if the consequences would be bigger if he he found out from another source.

He said the longer you lie, the bigger the lie, the bigger the consequences.

Apologise, explain, move on.

MorrisZapp · 23/03/2019 20:06

Don't tell him, just move on.

MatthewBramble · 23/03/2019 20:06

I'd keep very quiet about it. Your colleague seems to regard it as a drunken "mistake" (not quite the word but I hope you see what I'm getting at), so why disturb your relationship which, as you say, is "finally back on track" simply because of a drunken indiscretion? Say nothing is my advice. Eventually the guilty feelings will pass.

CherryPavlova · 23/03/2019 20:07

Honesty is the best policy - always. You have to trust him with the truth.

Honeybooboo123 · 23/03/2019 20:07

Don't tell him

Cuddlysnowleopard · 23/03/2019 20:08

I wouldn't tell him. It's a drunken kiss, not a ONS.

helterskelter3 · 23/03/2019 20:12

Don’t think about telling him. A silly 30 seconds vs. 8 years. You’d be telling him to salve your own conscience but it would be hurtful for him. Just try and forget it ever happened. Your colleague seems to want to forget it (if they remember), what possible good would it do?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/03/2019 20:13

Don’t tell him. Move on from it. It was a drunken kiss. Never do anything like it again.

didijustsaythat · 23/03/2019 20:14

Do not say anything. It was a kiss, nothing more. You made a mistake, for which you’re sorry. No good can come from telling your partner.
Put it out of your mind and get on with your life.

deadsexy · 23/03/2019 20:15

DO NOT tell him. You were drunk. Didn't mean anything

Smellbellina · 23/03/2019 20:16

Don’t say anything

Original poster
Feelingterrib · 23/03/2019 20:16

Thanks everyone for the replies

I’m so disappointed in myself and have been a bit of an emotional wreck because I’m so angry at what I’ve done.

He wouldn’t find out as the other guy wouldn’t tell anyone. I just hope this feeling goes shortly

OP posts:
ExtraPineappleExtraHam · 23/03/2019 20:18

I had exactly the same dilemma a few years ago and I told my dp. Worst decision of my life, he's really petty and brings it up during every argument. He never would have found out and I think our whole relationship would be better had I not told him.

Still18atheart · 23/03/2019 20:22

Honesty is the best policy. I was in the same shoes as you, I would tell him. I did he found it a turn on that other guys were also attracted to me and didn’t mind as such.

Sallyspoons · 23/03/2019 20:23

If the roles were reversed would you like him to tell you??

bobstersmum · 23/03/2019 20:28

It was only a kiss that one half of the kissers doesn't even seem to remember. You might even have dreamed it. Don't say anything but don't get so drunk in future.

QueenKubauOfKish · 23/03/2019 20:28

Oh god don't tell him! I would say tell him if it happened because you had feelings for this bloke and had been spending time with him. But it was a drunken snog, you don't know how it happened, you say it came out of nowhere so it sounds very much as if he could have initiated it through his own drunkenness.

Think of it like this, you were pissed, you said goodbye to blokey, he kissed you and it took you a few moments to pull away and go wtf. It's nothing to do with how you feel about him and you didn't plan it so - it's not relevant.

Something like this is only relevant if you meant to do it/wanted it IMO. Just forget about it and avoid the same situation in future.

Original poster
Feelingterrib · 23/03/2019 20:29

If the roles were reversed and it was exactly the same circumstances as me and he deeply regretted it I wouldn’t want him to tell me.

But if he done it and fancied this person and spoke to them behind my back etc then I would want to know

OP posts:
Lightthecandle · 23/03/2019 20:31

Op, ignore the guilt trippers. I wonder if they’d really do what they advise if it were them?

Ffsnosexallowed · 23/03/2019 20:32

Don't tell him!!! It'll hurt him and possibly your relationship and for what? And don't make a bigger deal out of it than it is.

Dieu · 23/03/2019 20:41

Don't tell him and move on. Why open a whole can of worms for nothing.

coco2891 · 23/03/2019 20:41

Those saying keep it a secret -is that really fair ? Would you be saying that if a bloke posted the same ? I've seen a lot of threads where women have found out years later that their OH has kissed someone else or cheated and the responses have all
Been -how could he lie to you like that , kick him out , your relationship has been a lie etc etc . Like I said before -I'd tell him

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/03/2019 20:43

If it was a bloke I’d say the same. Don’t tell.