Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So I'm a single mum now...oh god

31 replies

Woeis · 23/03/2019 15:37

How does anyone cope?

This has been a long time coming but I'm fucking scared as shit.

If I didn't have the baby (one year old), I'd be out tonight.

Now I'll just be sat in the house by myself.

I'm so fucking sad.

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 23/03/2019 15:38

Don't be sad, obviously you were not happy in the relationship, time to put yourself and baby first.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 23/03/2019 15:47

You cope because you have to, I was a single parent when DD was 6 months but had already been doing the main caregiving anyway so all that was lacking was the company and adult conversation - and one less person to take care of. Honestly OP don't let yourself get into the mentality of "omg how am I going cope" because you'll be doing it all anyway just with a negative mindset. Thank yourself for being strong enough to leave, don't pressure yourself to feel okay straight away and most of all don't let loneliness put you back in the relationship youve just left.
Look at all the positives, if you can't go out then treat yourself to a take away and a nice night in.
It won't be hard forever Flowers

Motherofcreek · 23/03/2019 15:55

You will get in to the swing of things.

Jot down all the positives -

I brought dd1 up by myself. Weekend was a take away, wine, bed. The bed all to myself!

Have you got people to help with the little one?

Original poster
Woeis · 23/03/2019 16:01

Not really. Ex is a good dad so it's just been me, him and the baby.

His mum has had her on her own but I'm not sure how that's going to go down now.

I'm supposed to go back to work in two weeks.

I feel fat and pathetic.

I love my baby so much, I feel like I've broken up her home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woeis · 23/03/2019 16:02

I brought dd1 up by myself. Weekend was a take away, wine, bed. The bed all to myself!

Weren't you lonely? What did you do about it?

OP posts:
2anddone · 23/03/2019 16:05

I have been a single mum for 6 years. I'm not going to lie it can get lonely but I have ended up with a fantastic support network of friends who pop round or text during the evenings. I see them more than I ever did when xh lived here as he was so moody no one felt welcome!
You find that yes you do have to do everything yourself, though if like me you already was you find it gets easier as you don't begrudge it as there is only you to do it now!!
It may seem hard now but I promise it gets easierThanks

SimonJT · 23/03/2019 16:06

I’m in a similar situation, but my son is almost four, my partner moves out soon (we’re splitting up) and I genuinely won’t know what I’ll do for company, I have a cousin who visits about once a month, but apart from that there is no one who is child friendly, socialising is going out drinking.

wheretheydwell · 23/03/2019 16:07

Tbh, you're living my dream - that is, a financially independent single mum.

Much better than being financially dependent in a miserable marriage. I had six months of being by myself with two kids and a job till he came back and I loved it. The sense of achievement was amazing.

If I could go back in time I would have kept my job and be you.

You're baby is young. She won't know any different and single parent families are common now. It won't affect her at all.

Original poster
Woeis · 23/03/2019 16:13

Thank you for your experiences.

I just feel numb.

OP posts:
MumsyJ · 23/03/2019 16:14

OP you're stronger than you know. I was a single mum before my DD turned one year old.

Being a single mum isn't what anyone plans to be, but situations can be shit and we deal with them stronger and better being single mums. Rather be a single mum than being in an unhappy relationship/ marriage.

You will be super duper fine Flowers

Original poster
Woeis · 23/03/2019 16:35

It's hard. I feel free from my relationship but trapped with the baby.

OP posts:
DerbyRacer · 23/03/2019 16:52

It will get easier. I have been a lone parent for over 10 years and I could not be happier. I have never felt lonely because I have my ds for company. My ds has never been one for going to sleep early so in the evening I enjoy the little time I get to myself to watch a movie or read. It will get easier for you op. For me, I feel safer being self sufficient and only having to rely on myself.

MumsyJ · 23/03/2019 16:57

The baby is your reward, your investment, your happiness, I could go on and on about the positives.

My DD starts school in Sept but currently in nursery full time since 10 months as I work full time.

My exH was absolutely fuck all to write home about. Never bought even down to teething powder for the child. I've been doing it all by myself since the day she was born. Oh and I must add, she was born very prematurely.

So you're not trapped with the baby. You're wallowing in the happiness of a lovely child and will enjoy the fruit of your labour sooner than you expect.

MumsyJ · 23/03/2019 16:59

Since she was 10 months old that should mean

PlasticPatty · 23/03/2019 17:03

Now I'll just be sat in the house by myself .I'm so fucking sad

The first two weeks are the worst. The baby is your future joy (mine is now 36 and it's 33 years since her father and I split up), so invest your time and love there, without being resentful.

Next - do what I didn't do. Get yourself some ace babysitting (grandparents?) and keep up friendships, so that you get plenty of social life.

Don't rush into having a man in the house, but have a life away from home.

But as for the loneliness and lack of sex... I can remember that second Saturday night of 'freedom'... if I hadn't had the child asleep upstairs I'd have marched down to the main road and pulled the next bloke to walk by...

BitchQueen90 · 23/03/2019 17:53

I've been a single mum for 5 years. I love it but then as an only child I've always been used to my own company. I don't get lonely at all.

You say your ex is a good dad - will he be having DC at weekends? If so then you have the chance for a bit of a social life. Focus on your friends for now and not looking for a new man.

Closetbeanmuncher · 23/03/2019 20:18

Why did the relationship end op?

The baby is your reward, your investment, your happiness @MumsyJ💝

Flibbitygibbit · 23/03/2019 20:25

I’ve been a single parent since 1998... my boys are 25 and 22. It’s hard but you can do this! You will become stronger for it and closer to your DD. I soon realised that I couldn’t rely on my exh... and when he had my boys I ensured I did stuff for myself. She won’t be a baby for long you know, just enjoy your time with her, get organised with everything and you’ll find life becomes easier than being in a crap relationship 😘

Shookethtothecore · 23/03/2019 20:34

I was a single mum, my marriage ended abruptly and it was a Huge shock. I learnt to absolutly love it. I focused on myself and my baby. I did things for me, I joined slimming world (babies are welcome in the classes) and learnt new recipes that no one moaned about eating, I beautifully decorated my little rental place and made it mine without anyone moaning (I bought lots of baby pink bedding with flowers on, dh never would of let me have it and I swear I slept better from the first time I used it) I watched you tube videos of make up and hair, college courses online, read books I basically took care of the baby... and me. I had friends to socialise with and my parents had the baby every other Saturday (ExDh never wanted him) years later when I was strong and sure of myself I met a man on tinder. I am now married and pregnant with dc3.

I swear to you, this could be the absolute making of you, give yourself 2 weeks to grieve watch sad films and sad music then go and find who you are now, all the best

Original poster
Woeis · 23/03/2019 23:31

The relationship broke down due to a lot of angry fights, bad communication and a lot of resentment.

I would be easier to get back with him but if I didn't have my baby, I wouldn't be with him.

I do wonder about dating.domeone else because I feel like.my heart is ready to get to know someone new.

Truth is it's not going to happen just yet.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 24/03/2019 00:00

I've been a single mum for 9 years.

It's hard when they are little definitely.

Things start to get easier honestly they do. Once they start communicating better with you, they start nursery, school it all just gets better and better.

I don't have any regrets. I'm never lonely now, I don't think I could be in a full time relationship if I'm honest.

This will sound weird. But, please let yourself feel the loneliness, accept it. In time in turns into something else. Contentment, being happy in your own company is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

Much love and strength to you.

Closetbeanmuncher · 24/03/2019 04:16

being happy in your own company is one of the best gifts you can give yourself

So, so true....

I can tell you from experience that trying to raise children in the atmosphere you've described is definitely not the easier option.

Give yourself time to adjust before you even consider dating again, your child is the most important thing right now.

Sometimes parenting turns out differently to how we imagine, the trick is to stop trying to fight it (by getting back with the ex, finding someone new, telling yourself you're miserable) and find a way to enjoy it.

thebabessavedme · 24/03/2019 10:27

It was a struggle at times but I look back with real fondness and pride at the time I was a single mum.
It did take a little time to get used to but in the end I really enjoyed the freedom of being on my own, like pp, I decorated, cooked, watched what I wanted, wore what I wanted etc etc. DD and I ended up with a lovely kind of routine at weekends, sure some nights I felt lonely but tbh I think that time of being alone gives you a perspective of yourself, what you really want from a relationship and time to heal from the loss of the old one iyswim? I didnt date for quite a while, NEVER introduced a man to DD until I met DH and knew he was special and 25 years on I can honestly say that it was a very happy period of my life. Dont be scared, you can do it!

MyGastIsFlabbered · 24/03/2019 12:51

It's scary when you first start out but you absolutely can do it. I've been a single mum for 4 years now. Stayed in my relationship way longer than I should have done because I was so scared of being a single parent.

Mami16 · 24/03/2019 13:01

The first few weeks are terrible and you'll think about having him back just to stop how you are feeling now but honestly keep at it or you'll be miserable for longer being with him.

I have a baby and a toddler and it hurt but being with their father that was shouting and swearing at me and me constantly thinking what mood he'll be in when he comes home is no way to live and not fair on the little ones.

I constantly feel guilty for them that we ain't all together anymore but it's for them and me to be happy I have to stick it out. You will get there and it really does get easier. Really is the best thing I've done and it's made me a better mum not having to worry about him and how he made me feel.

Happy mum, happy children!

Big hugs

Swipe left for the next trending thread