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Original poster

a reason for having an affair

29 replies

kkkazza · 10/07/2007 16:27

My husbands reason for having an affair was perveted ,dirty thoughts in his head.Do you think this could be a possibility and when i caught him at it and he ended the affair like magic the dirty thoughts went away.Do you think this is likely because im having trouble believing any of it.

OP posts:
TaylorsMummy · 10/07/2007 16:31

no,sorry

i might believe he ended it when you caught him out but i don't believe the thoughts/reasons for it would have magically vanished

FlameDelacour · 10/07/2007 16:32

Not convinced.

lulumama · 10/07/2007 16:33

he got caught out

and he cannot control himself

and has shown no remorse, i take it

if he cannot control the thoughts in his head, you should think twice about being with him

HappyDaddy · 10/07/2007 16:34

cough BULLSHIT! cough

suezee · 10/07/2007 16:37

i cant see how hes just conveniantly stopped being a dirty b@*tard because hes remorseful, hes stopped fcuking around cos u caught him out.

Original poster
kkkazza · 10/07/2007 16:39

I do believe he his sorry but i just dont buy his reason for having the affair.I know that he is sex mad though as before the affair i couldn't even go to the lou 4 a pee without him being there trying to take pics on his mobile phone.He was constanly making advances which made me feel cheap.

OP posts:
clutteredup · 10/07/2007 16:44

Sorry I'm a bit old fashioned but regardless of his 'thoughts' he is married to you and therefore they should have remained as 'thoughts'. It sounds a bit childish to me, along the lines of ' I wanted to so I did, I couldn't help it.' Hell he could... poor you..I don't know what to suggest.. for you.

Original poster
kkkazza · 10/07/2007 16:45

I also cant help but think if he his being truthful that the only reason the dirty thoughts have gone is because of guilt and once the guilt goes away these surposed thoughts will return.

OP posts:
suezee · 10/07/2007 16:45

wot the hell r u doing with him

rey · 10/07/2007 16:46

no sorry

Original poster
kkkazza · 10/07/2007 16:49

I really dont know. All i do know is i love him. Ive tried so hard to hate him but i dont. I hate what he has done to me but i still love him.

OP posts:
Blandmum · 10/07/2007 16:50

Reasons

Being untrustworthy
being the sort of person who lies
being the sort of person who doesn't give a toss about their partner

His line shounds like a crock of shit to me

FlameDelacour · 10/07/2007 16:51

Is this a new affair or the one with the girl from work?

Original poster
kkkazza · 10/07/2007 16:52

The same one

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 10/07/2007 16:53

He is full of crap. You do see that, don't you? I hope you do.

FlameDelacour · 10/07/2007 16:55

Right - its been a year.

You are still very upset by it - time hasn't done its thing, if you don't trust him now (the working in the same place etc) you aren't going to.

I know it sounds harsh, but its not going to work. You need to move on

Original poster
kkkazza · 10/07/2007 17:00

I think i know that deep down but i love him so much.Ive been with him since i was 15 we have 3 children together. I dont want anyone else ive only ever wanted to be with him.

OP posts:
NoodleStroodle · 10/07/2007 17:04

KKKazza - I am really sorry but I too am with Flame - you need to move on. You have been with him since you were 15 - people change so much and there are men out there who will treat you so well and treasure and cherish you and not cheat, go behind your back or take you for granted.

FlameDelacour · 10/07/2007 17:07

You are in love with the him you met and fell in love with, the memory of him.

NOT the him now.

Think what else you were doing at 14/15... they are lovely memories but would you really want to go back to them?

It will hurt like hell, but every day it will start to heal, and it will stop hurting to breathe - then one day you will suddenly realise you haven't spent all your time thinking of him.

allgonebellyup · 10/07/2007 17:10

dont ruin the rest of you life by being stuck in this rut, you HAVE to move on and leave him, or tell him to leave.
it would be over in my eyes.
How can you love someone who treats you like a piece of shit??
Dignity is what you need, in sackfuls.

HappyDaddy · 10/07/2007 17:14

He sounds like a complete scumbag. Trying to take pics of you on the loo? Suggesting things he must know you don't like?

Yeah, his dirty thoughts have really gone, haven't they?

He got busted so made up some shit lies he thinks you'll swallow.

He must think he's god's gift.

Original poster
kkkazza · 10/07/2007 17:17

I honestly dont feel strong enough to walk away i want this marriage to work so much. I just want the truth i feel like im constanlly being feed a pack of lies.Like i said before i do believe he his sorry. But i just have to know why so i know what im dealing with.I think i will have a fighting chance at getting through this if i knew why.I truly think that if i had one honest reason as to why he would do this to us then i could focus on that and i would be able to move on.

OP posts:
Original poster
kkkazza · 10/07/2007 17:20

I know what ur all saying n i know your all right im just so messed up.

OP posts:
FlameDelacour · 10/07/2007 17:22

There is no good reason to do it. Nothing excuses cheating in my world.

HappyDaddy · 10/07/2007 17:23

kkkazza, I can see how much you want this marriage to work. You love him very very much.

The problem is, that he doesn't give a shit about you or your marriage. If he did, he wouldn't treat you like this.

That sounds harsh but that's what I think. Sorry.