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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What am I missing about this?

49 replies

confuzzledman · 18/03/2019 22:23

My ex and I had been arguing for a while. There had been a lot of nasty things said, but we kept in contact, presumably because neither of us really wanted to split. Both have our insecurities. Both have told the other we've arranged dates (when we haven't - it's just been said to hurt each other.)

Last week, after being dumped, I booked myself an overnight stay jus for myself in a spa hotel. After we started talking again, I emailed today to let her know. I'd already told her I was away for the night, but clarified by saying.

"To make you feel a little easier, I'm going to xxx spa tonight. I'm not on a date. You are welcome to call if you wish."

This was to clarify that I wasn't on a date. I then had a shower. By the time I got out, I had emails containing all of the following:

"Who are you going with? You're spending overnight in a spa?"
"I feel much worse now I know you're at a spa overnight and have dinner booked with some mystery person."

"Finding out you're at a spa with someone and have dinner booked is very very odd. I'm allowed to call? Gee thanks, do I need to call at a specific time so I dont interrupt who you are with?"

A few hours later when I pointed out that she shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and accused me of being with someone, she said:

"I never accused you of being there with someone. Utter lies.

"Read both the email and WhatsApp back and I never say it. It's all in your head and you had a rage of anger because of a made up thing in your head."

Am I missing something here? I know emails can be misinterpreted, but hers were clear no?

I'm sick of being accused of things I've not done - and then have it denied that the accusation occurred. Please tell me I'm not going mad here....

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 18/03/2019 22:27

Sounds like she is gas lighting you.

Do you really want contact with someone who does that?

lurker99999 · 18/03/2019 22:28

Relationship sounds toxic. Move on

ShatnersWig · 18/03/2019 22:38

Is the ex you've written about on here before? I'm assuming so. In which case, mate, stop being a prat and only have contact regarding your children.

confuzzledman · 18/03/2019 22:53

No, this is not the mother of my children.

OP posts:
OnlineAlienator · 18/03/2019 22:56

Agree with lurker - toxic alert. Next!

HappyLife21 · 18/03/2019 22:56

Does it matter? It’s a shit relationship whether romantic or otherwise so just leave it now. If you’ve no kids you’ve no need for contact, unless you enjoy the drama?

PippilottaLongstocking · 18/03/2019 22:58

You’ve split up. You’re allowed to date other people/go to spas/whatever. It’s none of her business and you don’t need to be telling her.

confuzzledman · 18/03/2019 23:03

I should add, the reason I was telling her was because I wanted to sort things out, which she said she does too.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 18/03/2019 23:04

You seem to attract women who treat you like shit then. I think you need to consider why you put up with crap.

confuzzledman · 18/03/2019 23:04

The reason I was making it clear I wasn't dating is because we've both threatened to date other people before. I was trying to reassure her, hence why I said it wasn't a date.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 18/03/2019 23:07

You've both THREATENED to date other people before???? FFS. Grow up and start having adult relationships rather than ones teenagers at school have. Seriously.

Dramatical · 18/03/2019 23:09

I'm slightly confused. It's your ex.

confuzzledman · 18/03/2019 23:09

Guys, I appreciate the answers, but could you please just answer the question of if it's in any way possible I've misinterpreted the messages?

OP posts:
ralphfromlordoftheflies · 18/03/2019 23:14

Posters possibly don't want to just comment on whether your messages to your ex were clear or not as they don't want to perpetuate this childish point scoring and arguing in what sounds like a mess of a non relationship.

confuzzledman · 18/03/2019 23:16

@ralph - if that's the case, perhaps just not commenting at all would make sense?

OP posts:
Dramatical · 18/03/2019 23:17

Ok. I will answer this one...

Am I missing something here?

Yes. Yes you are. It's your ex. You are not together. None of it means anything. Nobody gives a shit.

Smellbellina · 18/03/2019 23:20

You’re messages didn’t suggest you were on a date, your toxic relationship did.

Smellbellina · 18/03/2019 23:20

*your

Smellbellina · 18/03/2019 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ScarletBitch · 18/03/2019 23:28

Grow up the pair of you ffs Hmm

LeesPostersAreInFrames · 18/03/2019 23:32

Stop arguing with your ex. Honestly, it will make you both much happier. No good - literally none - will come of this. Stop it. Let it go.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 18/03/2019 23:32

@Smellbellina you are right, some people are total dipshits.

And other people are free to comment accordingly on the level of dipshitness they read about.

Dramatical · 18/03/2019 23:33

smell

You fell off your perch when you told people to fuck off. Your post would have been much more superior had you omitted that part.

Smellbellina · 18/03/2019 23:39

@Dramatical I’m not sure why saying fuck off is any worse than calling people dipshits, I imagine if I had a perch to fall from that would have been the point at which I fell?

Smellbellina · 18/03/2019 23:40

@ralphsomething you’re boring.

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