Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this comment "flirting"? (Single woman to married man)

38 replies

AmericanBabe1 · 18/03/2019 20:07

I am terribly paranoid about this kind of thing, having been cheated on previously by my first H.

We were at a party last weekend, and various neighbours were there. A single woman, who lives very close to us, started up a conversation with my DH, which went on for some time. One of the comments she said to him was "Ooh, you're sooo Big". Now, for context, he certainly is (6 ft 3 and 50 inch chest), but I found that to be really flirty. I don't know what else was said, this was the only bit I heard.

DH thinks I am being ridiculous. Would anyone else think this was flirty, or am I being a complete nut?

I ended up somewhat spoiling the night, as whilst I didn't say anything at the party, I did bring it up when we got home, by saying that I thought she was flirting with him, and the night ended up on a sour note, and now I feel like a Douche.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/03/2019 20:09

I'd prob say that to a big bloke, wouldn't mean I fancied him though.

You'll have lots of pearl clutchers on here though saying she was trying to steal your man.,,sigh,

BlueCornishPixie · 18/03/2019 20:10

It's a bit flirty, but nothing that would worry me or annoy me.

I wouldn't be concerned about someone saying this to my DP, it's not like "making a play for him" flirty. Just a little bit. And at the end of the day as long your DH is trustworthy why would a womanflirting with him matter? He wasn't being flirty back.

I think you were a bit ridiculous to let it ruin your night. Sorry op

Singlenotsingle · 18/03/2019 20:11

I'll clutch my pearls (hold on a mo. while I pop out and buy some).

Sadiesnakes · 18/03/2019 20:12

Yes. Very obviously flirting, I'd be very wary of her in the future. How you your dh feel if a single guy at the party was commenting on how curvy/petite/toned you looked? Because that would clearly be him coming on to you..

Isth · 18/03/2019 20:12

I wouldn’t say it’s top notch flirting, if it could be called flirting at all. Doesn’t really matter tho, if I were you, I’d concentrate less on perceived flirty comments from people and more on my own issues. You’ll drive a wedge into your relationship carrying on like you are. I appreciate why you feel
The way you do with your past and all, but really, it’s not fair letting that have an effect on your relationship now.

Seeleyboo · 18/03/2019 20:15

I'd say that's like a bloke saying......ooooo your boobs are big. Not acceptable.

Original poster
AmericanBabe1 · 18/03/2019 20:18

How you your dh feel if a single guy at the party was commenting on how curvy/petite/toned you looked?

Actually, I used this as an example!

I didn't hear anything else said. At one point, she was on her haunches next to his chair, talking to him for ages. I think that's the right term, she was crouched down.

Gaah, I'm so fucked up after my first marriage!

OP posts:
Sadiesnakes · 18/03/2019 20:21

You'll have lots of pearl clutchers on here though saying she was trying to steal your man.,,sigh,*

And then you've got the usual posters that have their bars set so low that anything go's in their relationships and should do in everyone else's as far as their concerned. All balances out really..🙄

CanuckBC · 18/03/2019 20:23

How was your DH reacting to it? Someone can be flirty all they like, you can’t control their behaviour. You can however control your own behaviour. If your DH was shutting it down and not flirting back, acceptable. If he was being all flirty back, not acceptable.

If it’s a friend and they are known to be flirty with each other as some friends are known to be, then ok.

Some people are naturally flirty, you can’t take that out on your DH as long as he isn’t doing it back. Ie touching her arm, back, talking flirtatiously back. If he mentioned “ Oh yes, @AmericanBabe1 really appreciates my broad chest for leaning on” it shuts it down pretty wuick😉

Isth · 18/03/2019 20:23

It doesn’t sound like he was encouraging her tho OP? You can’t really control what other people do, unfortunately.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 18/03/2019 20:27

It really depends how she said it

If you were close enough to have overheard then you must have noticed her body language and whether she said it in a very matter of fact or jokey way or in a flirty way?

Original poster
AmericanBabe1 · 18/03/2019 20:28

DH didn't do anything I was unhappy with. He's pretty stellar. I just lose my shit sometimes, gaah, I feel awful now :-(

I am so damaged from previous marriage, that I can feel my shutters coming up, even if DH isn't to blame. This woman lives right next to us, and I just don't want any of this BS in my life.

OP posts:
AnnabelleLecter · 18/03/2019 20:30

People say daft things at parties, at least the ones I goto, due to the alcohol/joking about. I wouldn't stress over it. Your dh wasn't responsible for the way she spoke or flirted.

Original poster
AmericanBabe1 · 18/03/2019 20:32

shagged it is all a bit hazy, as everyone had drank too much.

She actually spoke to me later in the evening, and commented on how she had seen DH come and go, but never realised until tonight, how big he was Confused. At this point, I wished I had a giant sling to place her in, and ping her out of the window Blush

OP posts:
SurgeHopper · 18/03/2019 20:32

Of course it's flirty

It insinuates his penis

Original poster
AmericanBabe1 · 18/03/2019 20:35

I'm not worried about the comment now, more that I totally over reacted by saying that she was flirting. But looking back, I'm pretty sure that she was. I mean, who the fuck squats next to a man's chair and chats in this position for 30 mins??

OP posts:
SuziQ10 · 18/03/2019 20:35

She probably just means tall? If she repeated it to you later in the night.

It sounds a bit silly, but not really flirting.

Original poster
AmericanBabe1 · 18/03/2019 20:36

Surge ha ha ha ha his Penis definitely wasn't on show. That made me laugh, thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
AmericanBabe1 · 18/03/2019 20:38

See, I would never ever say to a bloke "Ooh you're so big". It's flirty as fuck in my book.

OP posts:
chipsandgin · 18/03/2019 20:40

Regardless of what she did or didn’t mean by it the fastest way to push anyone away and ironically, actually for them to end up with someone else is by behaving the way you did...(paranoid, jealous, somehow making it his fault..).

Just trust him, what exactly re did he do to deserve that, poor bloke!

I was with a male model for a while in my 20’s - the lengths some women went to to try & get in his pants was absolutely bonkers. I was pushed away, shoved in front of, given scathing looks up & down when he introduced me, had girls slip him notes, even offer him blow jobs in front of me! I just laughed (especially when some particularly keen specimen pinned him up against a wall and propositioned him whilst he mouthed ‘help me’!).

Ultimately he wanted to be with me, so whatever they did didn’t matter. In the end we broke up because of my job taking me away too much, but we’re still friends & his now wife has a similar attitude to me (finds it amusing when women embarrass themselves trying it on!). If a man is going to cheat he’ll do it, if he’s faithful then some saddo telling him how ‘big’ he is is neither here nor there. I really wouldn’t recommend your current approach- misplaced jealousy is such a pointless waste of time IMO and incredibly destructive.

CountFosco · 18/03/2019 20:41

I think everyone has different boundaries. I'd not be happy about other women touching DH in any way, and I don't really think it's appropriate to comment on someone's appearance but it's fairly shite flirting and I wouldn't give DH a hard time about it if he was a recipient and wasn't responding in kind.

But what about banter and teasing? That's sexier than 'big tits luv' but I think more acceptable. Maybe it's fun because you're walking the line of doing enough to flatter and amuse each other but not endanger you primary relationship.

donquixotedelamancha · 18/03/2019 20:42

I'd say that's like a bloke saying......ooooo your boobs are big.

Only if she was pointing at his cock at the time.

It's vaguely flirty. Lots of people have vaguely flirty as their default interaction.

You are doing yourself no good wasting energy thinking about his OP. There are lots of people on here who will stoke your fears- go spend some time with your DH and remind yourself why it's not worth worrying about.

lrh3891 · 18/03/2019 20:43

Meh, I couldn't get worked up about this. I'm pretty sure I've probably said it to people before, if they've been remarkably big. A bit dickish, and maybe a bit flirty, but in an entirely harmless, meaningless way- especially if she repeated the comment to you later on. Maybe she's a bit socially awkward and not good at small talk, and just went with what's right in front of her.

Either way it doesn't sound like you have any reason to distrust your OH so don't waste time on worrying.

This post has just a touch of "beware the single woman at a couple's party" at it, which, as a single mother in my mid-30s, is something I'm all too familiar with, unfortunately.

Isth · 18/03/2019 20:43

You say you’re not worried about the comment anymore but you clearly are. If your DH did nothing wrong, you’re massively shooting your self in the foot behaving like this, you’ll push him away. I’ve been with someone who was super paranoid ‘because of his past’ and it ended up very abusive, I couldn’t do right for doing wrong. We’re not together anymore.

lrh3891 · 18/03/2019 20:43

Oh, and LOL that it was anything to do with his penis. Just no.