Hi everyone...
So... here goes... we've been staying with DH parents... they said that they have a second home that is my DH inheritance... so reluctantly... I moved in on the promise that as soon as it got too much we could go... that didn't happen... even when I was I months pregnant and crying saying I will not cope with them and a baby, they won't leave me alone...
He is no longer having the house... we will be renting from them (so it's put us backwards another 2 years rather than helping as we moved in thinking we would be in the property ladder! That was agreed)
Anyway... I feel resentful that I have spent the first three months of my child's life in this house... because; they have made it about them! They expected my child to be in their living space every night for 2- 3 hours at a time... this was when D'S came home from hospital and they go moody when he wasnt... I use to sit upstairs in the bathroom crying because I didn't want him to be with them for that long every single day! They would make me feel uncomfortable when I would sit in there with them so I had to leave... when D'S would cry for food (I was breast feedimg) she wouldn't give him back... she'd walk around with her finger in his mouth laughing at his little cry and it killed me... when I eventually got him back to feed him she wouldn't leave me alone to breast feed... and then want him back after... my milk dried up and the health visitor kept saying you need to relax... how could i woth that going on? So i had to stop which killed me... but when I put my foot down and didn't let him be in there with them as he should be with his mum and dad especially at 2 fucking weeks old, she'd moan at my husband and he'd moan at me saying "ARE you going to let them see him today?" Like no... you'd rather have your wife upstairs balling her eyes out while they establish their bond with their Grandchild before we have???
Anyway... she would have her friends come round... without telling me expecting my son down there for them to view... and when I said no he's sleeping and I need to sleep as well... she walked around the house like a victim, slamming doors, moping around then when that didn't work shed get aggressive and bully her way in pushing past me and literally jumping in my seat as soon as I got up... if she had just let me know in advance that people were coming round instead of just inviting people who i don't know round (this was before my best friends have met him as wrll) I might have been a little more in agreement... but then she did it again with her other friends... and of she hadn't have been so interfering i.e. knocking on the door every 5 minutes I might be a little less anxious about leaving the room
Then when it came to choose the house, after we'd spent nearly every day going for viewings when he was 2 weeks old... they found this tiny house and when we said we didn't like it, she basically said we had no choice but to live there and called my husband a bully because he said that it wasn't what we were looking for... she was the bully that day and there after... they have not once asked how id feel raising my son there.. they just said it's a nice starter home... a nice little house for our little family... we had a home before we moved in there... rented... but was our home and no ties to any one... now we're going to be renting from his mum and dad and will be controlled through this... she makes out like she's rescued us?????? She hasn't at all... we were happy where we were making our plans to get a mortgage... fair enough it would have been hard work... and that's why my husband wanted to move in because he thought he would have his own house... then the plan changed over night and we still don't know why even now...
I hate that I have to stay in our room to spend time with my son... if I come out of there with my son, they're there taking over... I'm constantly late for things as I'm literally shoved to one side while I'm trying to get him ready... they literally stand and push me out the way and stand where I am making the bottles and I make a point in saying... I was standing yhrtr doing his bottles... and they still just stand there
When I stayed in the same room as my son with them (as it should be at that age) they started taking him into their room and shutting the door...
We move house in 2 weeks but I just can't forgive my MIL or my husband for doing this... I have had major anxiety in this house and at times struggled to bond with my son because of this...
I am not respected as a mum or his wife and I cannot forgive the time that has been lost battling to have my son, the tension for when they don't have their grandson... and to be honest I don't want her touching him after all this... I stay with him for a little while but they just look at me and make me feel that uncomfortable that I have to leave... I don't leave my baby with my own mum for any longer than a toilet break so why should it be any different just because I live in their hiuse...
I feel like I am trapped in resentment and it's just got a hell of a lot worse now I'm more confident as a mum and know that my baby wants his mum and she won't accept that and won't give him back... even when I say, he just wants a cuddle from his mum... I can literally see her skin crawl because I am his mum and he doesn't want anyone but me at that time...
We move in two weeks but all I keep thinking she's going to expect "her time" with him the night before we go, and she expects that she'll be looking after him while we move... but the way that she's treated me and her own son, she can think again! Xxx my baby is 10 weeks old... still new to the world and she needs to remember thay when she's screaming at him because he won't look at her because he's focussed on his dad and there's a crazy lady trying to get him to smile when he just wants fuvking feeding...
Far too much has gone on for me to forgive, at a crucial time and the most important time of our lives... and she has just ruined it but trying to stamp her authority over us
I am not her daughter... she is not my mum... I do not treat her with Illness... just respect... it's her house her rules, but when it comes to my son, it's my son and my rules above all else!
I guess I'm just ranting but literally I feel poorly with all this... I'm upstairs in my bedroom the whole time I'm in this house... or I'm dragging dear son out or just driving around so I don't have to go home... I go to baby groups as well but they don't last all day...
DH has been supportive but doesn't understand my emotions behind all this... he'll be happy to let them have him for 3 hours at a time but at that age? That young? Before we have our bond... no way mate and yet, despite the fact that I've cried to you about this... and you still go off and give him to them anyway... just tells me where your loyalty lies... and now we have to move into a house that they own???? Where does it end? What next? Are they going to put the rent up for not seeing them every week or whenever they want?
I will never get this time back... I have wanted children for a long long time and have never been in the position to do it... I have dreamt of becoming a mum long before I met my husband and it wasn't supposed to be like this...
How can I move on from this resentment? How can I forgive my MIL and my DH? And how can I rebuild a bond with my baby at 10 weeks old in this new house that isn't even ours... and how can I let go of the fact there is a high possibility that we will still be controlled in thay house?
Sorry for ranting... I really needed this xxx
Please be kind... I'm really really feeling it at the mo!