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Relationships

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Original poster

How to deal with potentially errant text message

51 replies

WrexhamBuxom · 17/03/2019 05:05

Ugh, dang my overthinking sensibilities.

So, my DP is out of town visiting family, and we were texting back and forth late last night. Anyway at one point, he randomly texts, "But of course mademoiselle." Now...I hadn't said or asked anything that would have precipitated an answer like that.

My initial thought was that he was planning to say, "but of course Mademoiselle," then "It's time for me to go to bed." Anyway, before it got that far, I texted him a joke about speaking French. Then, I didn't hear anything back for several minutes, to the point I figured he fell asleep. Then, I did get something jokey back from him, followed by him saying it was time for bed.

Now, I am second guessing myself and everything. Perhaps that message was meant for someone else and he got his wires crossed. I just don't know.

To add to the confusion, it was his birthday, so I didn't really wanna pick a fight with him on his birthday, or else I would have asked him point blank if that message was meant for me before he went to bed. But, I really didn't want him to go to bed cranky on his birthday, I just let it be. The problem is, now if I ask him today or tomorrow, he'll know I have been stewing about it, and I don't want him to think he has that kind of power over me.

OP posts:

Weenurse · 17/03/2019 05:09

You are going to stew either way so just ask him what it was about, but do not accuse.

Blondebakingmumma · 17/03/2019 05:23

I’d be suspicious

swingofthings · 17/03/2019 05:39

So what was the discussion and your lat text before you got these?

Hanab · 17/03/2019 05:49

Oh lordy!

Pretend to forget about it & be alert on his actions from here on out.. you know what you are trying not to acknowledge & he already deleted the evidence

Magissa · 17/03/2019 06:00

I agree with @hanab ... Be alert from now on but don't let him know you are suspicious.

VelvetPineapple · 17/03/2019 06:05

Imo the trust in your relationship is already gone. If I’d received that text from DH I’d have realised it wasn’t for me but wouldn’t have worried about who it was for because I trust him implicitly. You either have some personal insecurities or you don’t trust your DP.

category12 · 17/03/2019 06:37

I don't want him to think he has that kind of power over me.

Isn't it a bit strange that you don't trust him with your feelings and are afraid to show him your vulnerability? How long have you been together?

Ellisandra · 17/03/2019 08:36

Just dump him.
He’s just a boyfriend (he is not your partner).
You’re not even together on his birthday.
He’s sent you a text clearly not meant for you.
You’re too scared to talk about it.
You think asking a simple “WTF?! 🙂” would lead to him being ‘cranky’ on his birthday - which suggests a history of him acting like an arsehole, tbh.
You already have done weird unhealthy dynamic going on if you think asking about it gives him “power”?

In a healthy relationship it goes like this:

“Ooooh la la, that wasn’t meant for me!”
“Oooooops - yeah, Sally texted me happy birthday and have a good time, and she’s in Paris at the moment. Miss you babe!”

Moralitym1n1 · 17/03/2019 08:43

I don't think it was for you either.

If you don't want to end the relationship right now, i would pretend you're oblivious and secretly be like a hawk, some serious snooping would be appropriate (of course the anti snooping Libby will say just end it, dong snoop but sometimes people need more evidence before they can bring themselves to end a relationship).

Don't know how much access you can get to his phone etc. or how sloppy (or not) he'll be but I have a feeling you'll find more if you look.

Moralitym1n1 · 17/03/2019 08:43

"lobby

Moralitym1n1 · 17/03/2019 08:45

Then, I didn't hear anything back for several minutes, to the point I figured he fell asleep.

That was him realising he'd dropped himself in it and trying to figure out the best tack to take.

Original poster

WrexhamBuxom · 17/03/2019 12:38

@Weenurse

I'm just not sure how to bring it up without it sounding accusatory. "Hey remember that text? That was pretty random, what was that about?" I feel like no matter how I word it, there will be some accusation that is implied.

@swingofthings

He was telling me that he had found a nice place that he wish I was there to be with him at, a lovely place with a nice view that was private enough for some...private enjoyment so to speak....so that was the conversation just prior to it. The rest is as follows:

Me: I bet there are lot of beautiful places to see out there.
Him: Prolly
Me: My cousin and I went hiking at a nearby park and got lost. It was crazy.
Him: But of course mademoiselle. (This was sent seconds after my last one)
Me: Speaking French to me, are you?
Him: Where was the park?
Me: told him where the park was.
Anyway several minutes later, he replied and wished me good night.

MAYBE the "Prolly" was the errant text message and the 'But of course mademoiselle" was his response to my statement about lots of beautiful places out there. I dunno.

OP posts:

ConfCall · 17/03/2019 12:46

Maybe it was misdirected maybe it wasn't. However, your talk of "power" and anxiety about upsetting him are indications that it's time to end this.

Ellisandra · 17/03/2019 12:48

Well, personally I’d dump him for the “prolly”.

Why would he have said “but of course mademoiselle” about the places? Is he in France?

Why are you so scared of his reaction to you asking him a question?

RugbyRugby · 17/03/2019 12:52

If I’d received that text from DH I’d have realised it wasn’t for me but wouldn’t have worried about who it was for because I trust him implicitly.

Then you are an idiot with a Masters Degree in Turning A Blind Eye

A late night text to "mademoiselle" is obviously to a woman. There are a number of features that raise a red flag to put you on enquiry (each on its own may be excusable but together is a problem)

texting late night
to a woman
to a young woman (no one says mademoiselle to a 50 year old)
flirting (obvious from content)
plainly sent to the wrong person but no explanation offered let alone a plausible one..

You are perfectly entitled to ask him about it. Just be direct

That text I got from you "But of course mademoiselle" it wasn't meant for me was it?

and see what he says.

ReggieWoo · 17/03/2019 12:55

I think that's a Reply to you saying you got lost.

What's prolly? Does he mean probably? If so I'd leave him for that alone.

Original poster

WrexhamBuxom · 17/03/2019 13:02

@hanab and @Magissa

The problem is, when we are together, he is usually on his best behavior...he rarely has his phone out, usually puts his phone away and focuses on us. When he does leave it out, it is face up. As opposed to me who has my phone out much more than he does and always leaves my phone face down.

It's hard to be on alert when there is nothing alerting me (in person).

@VelvetPineapple

It's 1000% personal insecurities. I am always overthinking. I am always expecting the worst. I am always parsing words and phrases and tones of voice. Not just with him....with anybody. It's so bad that one time he told me his aunt baked him and his roommates some muffins, and in my mind, I am thinking...well that's weird. Was it really his aunt or is "aunt" code for someone else? If I do have trust issues in the relationship, it is mostly me.

OP posts:

WaitedForGodot · 17/03/2019 13:12

unless you've got other reasons to be suspicious it looks like you're reading a lot into nothing here tbh

doesn't seem like it's particularly out of context in the conversation to me

CloudsCloudsClouds · 17/03/2019 13:13

Just ask him. Don’t go snooping, what would be the point in that?

You don’t have to make it sound confrontational or accusatory. “I know this is going to sound a bit silly but it’s been playing on my mind...”

If you can’t have an open discussion with him at this stage then I don’t see the point in being in a relationship. The longer you leave it to talk to him, the more of a deal it will become.

swindy · 17/03/2019 13:17

Is the place in France?

VelvetPineapple · 17/03/2019 13:33

A late night text to "mademoiselle" is obviously to a woman
And? I still don’t see the problem. DH has female friends. There’s no sexual content in the message. It wouldn’t bother me tbh. But then I trust my DH.

sofato5miles · 17/03/2019 13:39

That wasn't for you

And the "I trust DH" posters, well, that's what they all say, until they don't.

Of course, not everyone cheats but receiving a flirty message by accident is pretty much up there in neon.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 17/03/2019 14:29

I don't want him to think he has that kind of power over me

How long have you been together?

Are you trying very hard to hide the trust issues you just alluded to from him? That's the only way this seems to make sense...

Grumpelstilskin · 17/03/2019 14:37

I probably won’t help you in your confusion. A few years ago, my then OH texted me on a night out when I as staying over with a girlfriend backwards and forwards for a bit. Then he announced that he would go to bed and have an early night. About 20 minutes later, I got a text about him having booked some almost sold out concert tickets for an artist I quite like but I know he loathed. Text was finished with 3 x. I was really surprised, as things weren’t going that well. I responded in a gushing text how touched I was. He took a few minutes to respond and then came up with some excuse that he accidentally messaged me and that this was a text meant for his best mate. I knew then he was cheating.

Tomtontom · 17/03/2019 14:38

Wrexham, if you're feeling insecure this is the worst place to post. People will automatically jump in telling you he's cheating, he's not your partner, leave him etc. I can't work out if they hate men or like to make women who might be struggling feel even worse. Either way, it's not rational advice.

Talk to him, face to face, when you can. You'll know if he's being honest or not, far better than any stranger on here will!

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