Trying to end a friendship but they won't take the hint... Arghh

[Blueskyes]

I'm trying to end a friendship as I just don't have a fun time in her company. Bit childish, but to avoid 'drama' I figured I'd just say I'm busy when she extends an invitation to come round. I just figured she would take the hint (as I would). It's by no means a long or close friendship - had a run of hanging in last year. She has twins so prefers to stay in, which is fine. However the kids both have a healthy pair of lungs and put them to great use - it really is something to behold. On top of that we don't have much in common to talk about and don't even have a laugh. We just end up watching TV and listening to the children scream without missing a beat. Shall I be a grown up and tell her I just don't want to hang out (cringe), or stay on this path of avoidance hoping she'll take the hint. The reason for this is that she sent me a email wondering what was going on, why I was seemingly avoiding her, that I better dare not keep avoiding her, and she expects to see me soon, plus the kids are asking for me, which doesn't make sense as they were always having such a great time exploring sound i dont know how they knew i was there. Arghhhh - it's all a bit bizarre to me. I'd understand if we were lifelong friends, but far, far from it.

Is B the real initial?

Good luck op. Well worded. I've done this with a few people when contexts shifted and what had been ok casually became not ok when the context shifted. I've got two people currently saying for me to please not let go of these friendships, it means so much, etc. and i feel like a heel. It's an awful, awful feeling to not be able to reciprocate. I don't dislike them but the feelings aren't mutual. I've been using the tactic you're about to employ and am hoping they lose interest over time.

I don't know if you've pressed send on your message OP but I'd go with a mix from one of the other posters and the one you've put together yourself.
Something like this:
Hi Wierd Friend,
If I'm honest, I’m surprised to hear from you. After the girls night out, I'm not sure we have a lot in common socially. You spent your time scrolling through things on your mobile and conversation dried up. I'm also trying to focus on merging me and DP lives, and I'm in bliss getting lost in our little love nest. Lol. My love to your little ones. So for the time being, I'll pass on meeting up.
All the best,
@Blueskyes

Ah yes, I should definitely keep the door closed.

@shinynewpound yes, I should def keep the door closed. Thanks

I must confess, I used to loathe noisy babies and screaming toddlers would hurt my ear, so totally understand you OP. But then I got my own DC and it seems I developed selective hearing and when they were really little, I could just zone out and became immune to their noise, despite the high decibels. I work from home and literally have an invisible sound barrier to DC and their friends, plus 4 dogs tearing around. However, I am there like a shot when it is totally silent…

@bibbitybobbityyhat it's just that she's local, I have visions of bumping into her, I just want to avoid tension. I think how I would feel receiving a message like that, I'd be mortified, my payoff is that I won't be hanging out with her again regardless, so I think be as nice as possible - no need to be brutal and hurt her feelings... I told my partner I'll be using him as a scapegoat and he said run with it.

@dudsville thank you. I think too it's better to be nice. She has got a good network around her and plenty to keep her busy etc. She's an intense person, nothing wrong with that, just not for me. I'll send the message in a mo. Cheers

Blimey. There are lots of unkind responses on here. All this poor woman has done is to express a wish for your company. She hasn’t murdered anyone! She just wants to be your mate. I think a lot of you on here need to reel your heads in and be grateful you’ve got people who invite you over! I totally get that you don’t enjoy going there OP but her twins won’t be noisy kids forever. You might be grateful for her friendship in 5/10 years time. Never burn your bridges and you don’t know who she might end up being friends with and if you’re nasty/unkind to her then it could come back and bite you on the bum. No need to drama lama it all up. Just say “thanks for your email. No issues but I’m just too busy and not available to just hang out right now. Too much to do. Take care though” job done.

I'd cut it down to being busy sorting out merging life with DP and say that your social life otherwise is taking a back seat right now, but you'll get in touch if you fancy a meet up. And you will get in touch if you fancy a meet up, it's just highly unlikely that you'll actually fancy one! All friendly, makes it clear that the contact is on your terms, nothing for her to claim an issue over. And doesn't give her an opening!

Just send her the link to this thread..!

@Dunin the comments received have been super helpful - it's good to get a cross section of opinions from the hive. It was more that I was initially going to wimp out and not address it, but the hive helped me see sense and grow up a bit tbh. My conclusion was just to be kind about my response. The main thing is that we really have zip in common. I like your response - but as she knows me and details of my life, so adding the details comes across as a little less abrupt. :)

I think you are sensible to go moderate and superficial. No need to be hurtful. She will eventually see you as someone she used to know a lot better but is just there in the background sort of thing.

I think when people start demanding eg you better not be running away from me, then all words of over the top respect are chucked out the window. No one has a right over your life. I speak from experience.

I'm not sure how many times you have seen her since that night out but if none then you can use the reason of her finding you boring. Easy get out clause.
If you've seen her a few times after that you will have to word it differently but can still use that as a reason too.

The easiest way is to simply say, I have too much going on personally and I'm not doing too well. I need to focus on my health at the moment as I feel like I'm not coping. Hopefully I'll see you around.
And leave it at that. Don't engage any further. This is the easiest way out.

Sent email. Took advice to cut it down but kept the gist of merging lives etc.

Thanks all. Appreciate all the comments and advice. :)

Let us know if she responds. Good luck.