Trying to end a friendship but they won't take the hint... Arghh

[Blueskyes]

I'm trying to end a friendship as I just don't have a fun time in her company. Bit childish, but to avoid 'drama' I figured I'd just say I'm busy when she extends an invitation to come round. I just figured she would take the hint (as I would). It's by no means a long or close friendship - had a run of hanging in last year. She has twins so prefers to stay in, which is fine. However the kids both have a healthy pair of lungs and put them to great use - it really is something to behold. On top of that we don't have much in common to talk about and don't even have a laugh. We just end up watching TV and listening to the children scream without missing a beat. Shall I be a grown up and tell her I just don't want to hang out (cringe), or stay on this path of avoidance hoping she'll take the hint. The reason for this is that she sent me a email wondering what was going on, why I was seemingly avoiding her, that I better dare not keep avoiding her, and she expects to see me soon, plus the kids are asking for me, which doesn't make sense as they were always having such a great time exploring sound i dont know how they knew i was there. Arghhhh - it's all a bit bizarre to me. I'd understand if we were lifelong friends, but far, far from it.

I've got the same with a "friend" of mine was just composing a message to her after, out of the blue, she sent an invite to theirs for dinner.

"""To be honest I’m surprised to hear from you. After the last lunch ages ago at the * pub with K , I am not sure we have a lot in common. You were very rude to me about “people who live in* B ” when you know my son lives there with his family. I found it quite offensive. The whole lunch was uncomfortable for me and you must have realised and therefore not been surprised that I’ve not been in touch since then. So no thanks to meeting up again. """"

Should I send it?

Just say you are really busy and don't have time to hang out anymore, but you have really enjoyed her company and wish her all the best.

Time for growth, not avoidance. I will respond with a very kind assertion of the truth

If she is aggressive I'd personally just drift off.

'I better dare not keep avoiding her, and she expects to see me soon, plus the kids are asking for me'

'Hi. Not sure if you are aware but this kind of approach is feels quite bullying and just puts people off visiting. i don't take well to it personally.'

Is it the fact that you don't like her company or that she invites you round while she has the kids ?
If it's the latter suggest meeting for coffee when she has a sitter or a bar even . The dullest people liven up after a glass or 2 .
Tbh I know what you mean I had a friend years ago that would just want to hang out and I have stuff to do I wouldn't expect my friends to sit and chat while my dc were running round .

She sounds vile and exactly like someone i knew. 'the children are missing you' as you imagined, is a big manipulation, trying to make you feel bad. I had that, and the threats. The children couldn't have cared less about me, there's no way they were asking their dear old mum.

After an email like that you'd be well within your rights to ignore or say 'sorry, i dont have anything to say to you after that weird threatening, manipulative email.'

Sorry op I overreacted it just hit a nerve. I apologise. Going out with twins is hard, staying in is hard and one of my friends seems to have phased me out because some days I can't deal with taking them out on my own so I always asked her to come to me and now I've stopped asking her I just don't hear from her. I'd never email her demanding to know why though! And mine don't scream all day so there is that.

@Flobochin if you don’t want to go, just turn down the invite. Are you sure your friend knew your son lives in B? Was she really trying to offend you? Or just so caught up in her own world, she was just saying what came into her head. I think it depends whether you want to bin off the friendship entirely. Evaluate whether you get anything out of the friendship. Some areas are known for different reasons, it doesn’t mean everyone who lives there is the same. But maybe you are being a tad sensitive?

Can you take more control.

'Really busy, be great to see you. Let's meet at....(pub, bistro or even the local play factory) on...
That gives her the option of 'with or without kids' and keeps you from having to spend time in front of the tv.
If she can't make it, then that is on her. Maybe she will and your friendship will continue with a different focus.

Then space out the invitations!

@livvylovesgin we had 1 'girls night' out at a bar due to the festive season, and she spent the entire time scrolling through her phone. It was so awkward. Im super bubbly, but my repertoire for coversation starters ran dry 20 mins. We are just not 'friend-compatible'.

I'm a bit frightened of confrontation... I think I'd go down the middle path of emailing back saying 'I've got a lot on at the minute, bit stressed and need a bit more down time without hanging out with people one on one, hopefully I will see you around at group events in the future but for the time being I'm afraid I'm not up for any playdates. Hope you understand.'

How are you going to word the text?

I think tell for straight but as kindly as you possibly can as she'll be hurt.

Oh well bluesky, you tried.

That suggests you just have nothing in common rather than anything to do with her twins.

I can remember similar with some of mine, clock watching from 9.00pm until I could reasonably say 'time to go'.

It is ok to move on, don't feel guilty. I will add that with my friend above, we picked up our friendship a few years later, when our lives were again back to being similar. A time when we both had kids.

Good luck, maybe an honest conversation is needed if you feel stressed about her repeated contact or what about changing your habits ' I can pop round for a coffee at... But need to leave by....to go to ...

we had 1 'girls night' out at a bar due to the festive season, and she spent the entire time scrolling through her phone.
Well that's just rude and if someone did that to me I'd assume they were bored and rather be somewhere else .
Not a lot you can do then she clearly doesn't have many friends wonder why

@fishwifecalling Ok, due to the close proximity and family ties I've come up with this...

Hi friend,

At the moment my focus is on merging me and DP lives, and I'm in bliss getting lost in our little love nest. Lol. My love to your little ones. Oh, and please don't take this personally, all my girlfriend's have given me a hallpass to exit stage left for a wee while. No doubt i'll see you round the village.

Take care

@screamifyouwant @livvylovesgin @MrsEricBanner @ribbonsonabox @propertywoes @officeslave @sakrifice @shinynewpound @mummmy2017

@propertywoes, no probs, lady.

After I've finished being sick, I think it's not bad at letting her down gently and not blaming her too much.

It's so awful, it's good. You've tried your best to not hurt her. She probably will be, but at least you've tried.

@flobochin, I think that message could be shortened to ''let's leave it for now as I found our last meeting uncomfortable''. I feel like I was at that lunch! You describe it well.

I agree to shortening it to something like 'im snowed under at home and taking a pass on social stuff for a bit.'

@fishwifecalling 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

@Wintersnowdrop. if you don’t want to go, just turn down the invite. Are you sure your friend knew your son lives in B? Was she really trying to offend you? Or just so caught up in her own world, she was just saying what came into her head. I think it depends whether you want to bin off the friendship entirely. Evaluate whether you get anything out of the friendship. Some areas are known for different reasons, it doesn’t mean everyone who lives there is the same. But maybe you are being a tad sensitive?

She knew where he lived, that wasn't the first snide remark, and it's a place where it comes out tops of desirability to live. Anyway I have nothing in common with her, She's always poo poo'd anything I like or say. My partner says she's just jealous, I really don't want to see her.

You're giving her an 'in' at some future time. I'd go with;

Hi friend,

At the moment my focus is on merging me and DP lives, and I'm in bliss getting lost in our little love nest. Lol. My love to your little ones.

Take care

@H0wt0kn0w thanks you

Can you be honest?

"Hi friend, I'm sorry to say that staying in with you and your children (who do scream a lot, you must admit!) is not how I like to spend my time. I'm sorry if this is hurtful but felt I should be honest. We don't really have much in common so would you mind if we forgot about meeting up for now?"

If anyone sent me that text I would immediately block them so I guess it’s a way to go!

Exactly matilda