DH advice needed

[helppleaseDH]

I really need someone to talk to about the issues I am currently having with my DH. We have been married 3 years and have one DS who is 4 and our second DS is 2 weeks old.

For around the last year or so we have been having some relationship issues, my husband has become very quick to anger. If we have a row he will shout and swear at me and he regularly tells me I am stupid and difficult to get along with, people don't like me etc. I have just had our second child and really need some support and kindness and love and I am just not getting it, the arguments and the anger continue.
Today he went and got our DS birth certificate and I was going to ask him if he was going to use it to open a bank account for our son (as we have discussed doing this) and before I had even finished the question he told me that I couldn't question him and am argument just escalated from there and he shouted and swore at me several times and he tells me it's my fault, I make him angry and I am a unreasonable.
I haven't told anyone in real life how bad it has got. I am really close to my parents and I don't want to involve them as they really like him and truthfully if I tell them how bad it is and we stay together it will be hard for them to get on with him again.
I just don't know what to do, I have tried to talking to him. Part of me just wants to be away from him with our sons but where will i go and our son is happy at nursery etc. and then I would have to tell people what has been going on.
I love him and have known him forever I don't want to split up but I really don't know what to do and I feel that I have no one to talk to. Feel very lonely.

Thank you so much for all your support this thread is keeping me going honestly. I will do my best to talk to my parents at the weekend and tell them what is happening. I have tried women's aid but couldn't get through, so I will try again.
I am finding myself trying to preempt what he will get cross about to try and avoid it.
Last night he was telling me off because I have stopped breast feeding our baby. I was finding it so hard and nipples bleeding etc, so now I am pumping breast milk for him, but DH says I am not doing it enough. He was so angry about it and said so many nasty things, like I am being selfish and denying our son the best start, which I know is true but the breast feeding was just too much for me mental health wise and I really just wish he would be kind and supportive to me at this stage where our baby is only 5 weeks old.

Ignore him. If it wasn't breastfeeding it would be something else, you are doing your best.

I hope you manage to tell your parents. If you think your words will fail you, could you write it down for them?

I second GummyGoddess. It would be something else if it wasn't that. And don't worry about breastfeeding, you are expressing and that's great! And in fairness I didn't breastfeed either of mine - both perfectly healthy, happy, robust little souls. So you're doing better than I did and mine have turned out fine!! You're doing great. Keep on doing what you're doing.

I think when you speak to your parents you will feel a huge weight has lifted. Focus on that. You can do this.

The two things that are really important in a marriage are love for each other and kindness to each other. He is showing you neither and you cannot survive in a marriage like that. Please tell your parents and accept help.

Please tell your parents

I am going to try and tell them. We are going to their house on Saturday so I will try and tell them then. I have started keeping a diary about how I am feeling and what has been going on and so I might show them that, rather than having to say it.

Him having a go at you about stopping breastfeeding is appalling. I really wanted to do it, couldn't, and eventually stopped trying on midwife advice. DD is 9 now, incredibly fit and healthy, and I still live with the guilt that we couldn't do it. It's very emotionally complex and you need story, not blame. He hasn't got your best interests at heart and I doubt he's got your son's best interests at heart either. Wishing you courage with opening up to people and accepting the help you need to make a better life for you and DC.

This is so sad to read, he is an abusive bully. You just had a baby, anyone with an ounce of empathy and care would understand you are at your most vulnerable and most tired you can be! How was he when you had your first? Was he supportive?

Even if you can't leave straight away, make yourself bullet proof. Tell yourself from this moment on, anything he says to you or the way he treats you will not affect you (it will, but keep saying that to yourself). Own that you know he is abusive. Stay strong but don't let on you are thinking of leaving him.

Just a question, is he suspicious that the newborn isn't his? I just cannot fathom why he would be good with the toddler and feel like they are a unit, but not consider the baby. The post you mentioned about the church and him not wanting to sit next to you and the baby really stuck with me.

Good luck, tell your parents, I wish you all the strength in the world. I left and emoitonal abuser, took me 3 years to pluck the courage to leave, I wish I had done it much much sooner.

Thinking of you, helpplease hope you’re doing ok.

Did your parents like him?

Are you scared of telling them because "I told you so", or

are you afraid that they won't support you?