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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want to end my relationship but my partner won't leave because I haven't give him enough reason

42 replies

mc1999 · 13/03/2019 11:14

I need some advice, I'm in a unhealthy relationship and I want to end things properly this time without any having to get police or social services involved.. I want him to leave but he knows I won't ring the police because social will get involved..

OP posts:
TheHolySmirk · 13/03/2019 11:17

Can't you leave?

What is the legal position regarding your housing situation?

If you are at the point where you think the police would need to be involved the whole thing, perhaps you need to take the risk of others being involved.

beenandgoneandbackagain · 13/03/2019 11:17

Why are you concerned about social services being involved?

If he was a decent person then he would understand you don't need "enough reason" to end a relationship, either party can end it whenever they want.

Obviously he is not a decent person, and in that situation, it may be better to accept the police involvement.

It will not get better otherwise.

Good luck.

adulthumanwolf · 13/03/2019 11:18

Who owns the house? Are you married?

Original poster
mc1999 · 13/03/2019 11:22

The house is in my name.. I'm so low in the relationship I can't actually give him a reason I just don't want him anymore I'd rather be on my own it's easier

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 13/03/2019 11:24

Tell him you don't have to give him any reason, the relationship is over and he has to leave your house.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 13/03/2019 11:27

You don't need to justify yourself to him.
He needs to leave.

adulthumanwolf · 13/03/2019 11:28

If it's your house you don't have to give a reason. Pack up his stuff, change the locks, and tell him that you'll call the police if he tries to re-enter.

LuckyLuckyWoman · 13/03/2019 11:29

'I want to end my relationship' there you are, all the reason you need.

It's your house? Assuming he works, pack his stuff up while he's at work, call a locksmith and get the locks changed. Text him his stuff is on the step for collection. The end!

10IAR · 13/03/2019 11:29

The house is solely in your name?

Then he has no right to stay.

You don't have to give him a reason, he is not wanted and should leave.

Why isn't calling the police an option? Because they'd remove him, immediately.

Quartz2208 · 13/03/2019 11:32

Call the police ss will help you and your dc

carrotflinger · 13/03/2019 11:35

A relationship is over when one person decides they do not want to be in the relationship anymore. It doesn't really matter what the reason is. There does not have to be a good reason.

Tell him that it is over and he has to leave.

Is there some backstory that means you fear calling the police and social services getting involved?

Shoxfordian · 13/03/2019 11:38

Tell him he needs to leave and that its over
You don't need a reason he'll accept to end it.
If he won't leave though then you will need to call the police

beenandgoneandbackagain · 13/03/2019 11:48

If he has been abusive, then he may have made you doubt your own sanity, so see if you can get a support network around yourself. You don't need to do anything today, though it is worth remembering that leaving an abusive partner is the most dangerous part. Have you got any relatives you can call upon to be with you when you tell him to leave?

Original poster
mc1999 · 13/03/2019 11:59

I have kicked him out a few times like with my mum being there or family but let him back but it feels different this time I really don't need him anymore.. my family won't come because they think it's a waste of time coz I'll take him back? Social services are already involved so that's why I don't wanna be ringing police

OP posts:
10IAR · 13/03/2019 12:02

Social services won't punish you for making him leave. In fact, if they're already involved surely it's a good thing that they see you getting him out?

Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/03/2019 12:03

If social services are involved could you get them to help?

I’m a social worker and would much rather be asked for help

HollowTalk · 13/03/2019 12:05

Social services will be DELIGHTED that you're kicking him out.

Tiles · 13/03/2019 12:07

You're not thinking straight. You want advice that's why you came here. So listen. If social services are involved then they can help. Call the police let them come, let social services come and they will get rid of him for you.

Unless you are hiding something from.social services?

Quartz2208 · 13/03/2019 12:07

Social Services are likely to be more concerned that you are not making him go

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/03/2019 12:10

Can't you just change the locks when he's out

10IAR · 13/03/2019 12:24

OP do SS think he's already gone?

Original poster
mc1999 · 13/03/2019 12:43

They've told me they'd be concerned if I stayed with my partner

OP posts:
10IAR · 13/03/2019 12:45

Then believe me (my friend is in a similar situation and SS weren't happy she'd lied, but she called the police to get her partner out and came clean and they supported her) they will help you.

He is the problem, if you take steps to remove him they will support you.
It's more of a risk if he stays!

Quartz2208 · 13/03/2019 12:46

Then they will be supportive of you making him go. Not involving them to get him to leave will cause more involvement

category12 · 13/03/2019 12:49

If the ss have told you they'd be concerned if you stayed with your partner, then there's nothing to fear in having him removed by the police. They will see it as a positive that you're getting shot of him.

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