He is making me feel guilty.

[Browne07]

Do I need to explain myself to this man or certain things are not worth explaining?

Long story short, I have recently met a really nice man and we get on so well. We are meeting again tonight. Every time, we meet, chat or text, he keeps asking if my children have got in contact with me. I have three adult children and he has two. He was not present in his children's life when they were younger and has recently got back into their lives and trying to rectify things - taking them out for dinner, going to the cinema with them and doing all family stuff that he should have done when they were young. Well he is trying to be the full-time dad that he was not able to do (he left to be with the OW)

However, I was a single mother to my boys - I am not a rich woman but worked so hard to give them almost everything. I think I spoilt them but my boys had always been selfish, now that they have left home, I do not get much contact for them - only when they want something, if I needed their help and try to contact them, they would ignore my calls, texts or emails. I have never received even mother's day card or birthday cards from my boys. However, if they wanted something, they would call, emails, text multiple times and I always end up giving them whatever it was they were asking for. Relationships with my boys have always been a one way and I do not expect that to change anytime soon.

Why is this man trying to make me feel so guilty that my boys do not contact me?

The wife took him back.... feel so stupid. Thanks to Mums net for insight

Well, she won the lottery when she took him back, didn't she?

Whut? Are you the other, other woman? Why would you do that?

Very confusing, so you’re having an affair with this ‘really nice man’ who has cheated on his wife more than once and abandoned his kids?

What the...?

does this guy have a golden dick or something? So you’re home wrecker v2?

WOW

Why are you wasting your time like this?

Thanks to MN for the insight? Surely you knew you were the OW before you posted this thread?

@Browne07 Loniless is a disease!

Fucking hell that's a crap excuse.

Get a pet. Start a hobby. Have some self respect. But don't use that as an excuse to shag someone else's husband (as grim as he sounds).

Golfen Dick mark 2. Oh brilliant. .

OP, please, please go and get some counselling, and some assertiveness training.
You sound like you have no self esteem and are a terminal people pleaser. You have been a doormat for your spoiled sons and allow them to use you shamelessly, while getting nothing in return. Your current “relationship” is a sham that doesn’t meet your needs, and just allows the chap to have his cake and eat it.
You need to learn some self respect, establish some boundaries and have a break from men while you learn to love yourself and determine what your own needs are. Then you can start dating from a position of equals, not pathetic gratitude for whatever crumbs a chap tosses you.
Good luck, OP. My prayers that you learn to stand up for yourself and have a healthier future relationship with someone who will value you.

Loneliness is not a disease - low self esteem is though.

'nice man' Hahaha A. What a joke.

He is an absolute twat.

So after all the positive attributes, you dropped the bombshell.... Crikey!

Just so you know, loneliness is never a disease, I don't agree with your definition. You need to dump this two timing shit bag and elevate your relationship bar and stop stooping to his level. What do you even see in him anyway?

Thank you for all your advice.

When we met, he told me that he was separated from the OW, I was not aware that he was referring to his wife. I feel like a complete fool as I think he left the OW to be with his wife but told me that things did not worked out.

Finish with him OP. Today. He's not available.

Then, as babdoc suggested, get some counselling.

Good luck. I genuinely hope you'll be happy in the future.

Eh? So you’re having an affair with him?

I cancelled our meeting on Tuesday.

I was not aware that I was having an affair with him.

You knew he was living with his wife?

Leaving aside his ridiculous life, stop being a doormat for your children! Stop sending birthday and Christmas cards, stop giving what they ask for - when they question you tell them exactly why.

I was not aware that I was having an affair with him

You knew he lived with his wife and children.
What did you think you were doing?

Are you sure he ever moved out of his family home?

He sounds grim.

Don’t see him again. Block him. Gross.

Thank you all.

I asked him on Tuesday when he got his divorce. He told me that he had never got divorced but separated. He said that he regretted leaving his children for the OW and they missed out so much.

Two slightly separate issues.

The guy is a scrote - left his kids, put himself first. He can never make up for it and that's his bed to lie in. So, relationships with grown kids are uppermost in his mind and that's why he's picking his scab via you - maybe he gets a bit of relief from hearing about how even parents who are always there can be treated badly (hey, maybe it doesn't matter how I acted!), maybe he wants to hear about other parents' difficult relationships as he likes knowing he's not the only one, blah. Doesn't matter, glad you have got rid because he's a nasty cheat.

Your sons sound horrible, I'm sorry. You do know that the best thing you could do for both you and them is to stand up to them? Tell them where to go and a few home truths when they next try to scrounge. It might make them think, and somewhere down the line there may be a woman and her kids thanking you for letting a selfish spoilt man know that not even your mum will let you get away with being a twat forever.