Can any gay ladies give me advice ...I really like her,what shall I do?

[sammypre]

I'm bisexual.
Only a few close friends know this.
I really like this lady who is gay (and out ) we get on great and I think we've flirted.
She obviously assumes I'm straight As only 3 people know I'm bisexual.
Shall I tell her? Or hope if we continue flirting and chatting she might ask me out?
Would she ask me out if she doesn't know I'm bisexual.
I'm 38 and she's 39 so should probably have the guts by now to just say but I don't

I've spent months going over it in my head too.
Every time I get a message or she comments on my Facebook I smile (like a love struck teenager)
I think she's fantastic,she's funny and just weirdly crazy but in the best way.
She's just a nice person.
I also fancy her like crazy ..I don't know what I fancy about her but I just do.
I've only ever dated one woman and that was only a few month thing.
Hopefully it wouldn't put her off.
Then you have the "am I her type " thing.
Her ex was girlie and I'm girlie so I guess that's one step closer.

Wish I could give you advice. I've no actual experience with dating, I actually don't know any gay/bi women. However. I think the best thing is to be honest. You don't even necessarily come out to her to ask her out for a coffee. Explain you want to tell her something and go for it? I'm stupidly honest though, so maybe that isn't actually the best course of action. All I know is not being truthful doesn't work; from what I've seen not admitting or communicating about feelings just leads to big messes which could be avoided if you were just honest.

If it's hard to say in person, try a letter. Letters are my go to for hard feelings. Mail it to her, that way you don't know when she gets it and she doesn't have to talk about it straight away, giving her time to process what you said.

Or like. Do what was said above. As I said, no experience in dating haha.

I'd bring something up like "remember you talked about coming out at work? I was wondering how long you waited before doing it? I've only come out to a couple of people..."

So then she can ask if you're gay then, and you can say you're bi, continue conversation, then continue relationship talking about other stuff and you'll at least know she is aware you're bi ;)

I'm also bi and I do suffer this problem as it's much more invisible, you don't have to tell people in the same way you might feel you need to if you're only dating other women.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about finding someone attractive! A straightforward, respectful "I'd really like to ask you out on a date, would that be OK?" is miles better than trying to read into looks and hints and is-this-a-date teenager nonsense. (It's how I got together with my current squeeze).

Even if she says no, you won't look stupid - have you ever thought less of someone for finding you attractive?

sammypre and anyone else?

How have you been flirting with her?
Could be a crush sometimes.

Examples of flirting I mean.

I've been making eye contact when talking and smiling at her etc

That's being friendly. You really need to step it up a notch.

Just text her - "do you want to go on a date with me?"

I often talk to my female friends in a silly, informal way which, if I did it to a man, could be interpreted as flirting. But because they all know I'm straight, they don't interpret it that way. If this woman has assumed you're straight, she's not going to pick up any hints otherwise because of a bit of smiling and eye contact! Just tell her. I know it's mortifying doing the "I like you" thing when you're an adult but not everyone is good at picking up hints!

Whats the worst that could happen.

"Helen, I think you're gorgeous, would you like to go on a date with me"

Just do it.

Yeah my friend said she probably doesn't even realise I'm interested.

I think crabishere has it!

To be emotionally honest is brave but is the best and most healthy thing in most circumstances rather than opt for hiding feelings or hinting.

It would clear up a lot of messes and tangled webs that needn't be.

Be strong for yourself! I hope for a happy outcome for you!

I second you telling her. She might be able to tell you are flirting and detect that you probably aren't straight but that's often not enough to convince a gay girl to make a move.

I am gay myself and see plenty of "straight" women hitting on me, sometimes I do want to make a move but straight girls do flirt sometimes without any second meaning behind it, so I wouldn't risk making someone who identify as straight uncomfortable even if I find it pretty obvious they aren't straight, it's just not worth the risk.

If a woman wants to date me/be with me, I expect her to at least let me know she also likes women.

Some lesbians do fear bisexuals (and it's a shame) but I actually think we mostly fear closeted women, who drag us in but then don't want to commit. Telling her you like women, would show her that you aren't a closeted woman, wanting to experiment and are actually quite serious about dating her.

100% what @NotTheFordType said. This: -

Have you ever dated a woman before?

If so, drop her into conversation. "That reminds me of my ex, she was really into fishing. She has this gross picture of her with a dead fish as her dating profile"

It's not difficult is it. Say something like this and you are good to go.

If she doesn't know she's single you need to do something similar in the same regard. Mention being single in passing. one of the best/worst things about being single is...

@Linning I did catch her checking me out before and she quickly turned away.
She also made a point of telling me she was gay/single and looking.
Not sure if she was just making conversation tho.
My gut instinct said she liked me but I could be wrong.

Fgs ask her out already.

Gay woman here

We aren't mind readers. You need to talk to her, dont flirt and just assume she will guess. Gay women are likely to minimise flirting because they dont want to misinterpret friends actions who arent interested. Ive certainly been on dates that i havent realised was a date because i thought they were being friendly

You need to put your cards on the table or spend your whole life making subtle hints that she may or may not get

Woman up, dammit! She isn't psychic! If you're going to be in relationships with other women you have to get over silly gender-roles bullshit like not making a move.

Ask her out! The worst that is going to happen is that she lets you down gently. But don't self sabotage by never telling her you aren't straight!

shes a lesbian not a psychic love that.

Another vote for simply telling her how you feel and asking her for a date. Nothing ventured nothing gained. If she says no you’re clear about things and can move on and still fancy her and have her as a friend i’d Hope.

Good luck.

It’s madness feeling like a teenager isn’t it. I’m in my mid 50s and still feel like one every now and then.

About a month ago I put on my Facebook I was struggling to find a particular gift for my dads birthday .
Yesterday she messaged me saying she had seen this particular item and where I could buy it.
I thought it was nice she had took the time to tell me.
I didn't make any declarations to her but was nice to chat.

Argh.

She is highly unlikely to ask you out if she thinks you're straight - any more than I would ask out one of my gay male colleagues, no matter how much they flirted.

Unfortunately, many gay women have had A LOT of experience of straight-identified women flirting with them - for attention, out of curiosity, ego, a weird way of "showing how OK they are" with someone else being gay, etc. One of my friends got really hurt by a straight girl who went out of her way to get my friend to fall for her - for the straight girl it was titillating, for my friend it was a headfuck.

So if you like this woman, you need to be the one to make a move. Yeah, yeah, it'll be a bit embarrassing if she turns you down. But I'm sure you can survive it.

Make a move. Just do it. Worse that happens is you get an ego bruise from being shot down. Sounds like she's into you though.

I don't usually make the first move on someone unless I know they're out or they're giving off seriously heavy vibes. So, I guess if you don't want to actually make a move you should at least find a way to casually out yourself to her, give her a green light, so to speak?

Any update @sammypre??!