I've name changed for this post as it's very personal to me.
I'm hoping for some advice on my situation please as I'm someone who struggles very much with boundaries and also have very low self esteem and I'm finding it hard to work out whether my feelings are justified or I'm just being an awful person.
I have a friend who I've known for over ten years. We became friends when I was going through a dreadful situation. I'd had a breakdown after a traumatic birth, following which my partner left me without warning when my daughter was only 10 months old. I spent some time in a mental health hospital and my friend supported me through this. It is something I've always been eternally grateful for but perhaps too much so.
Over the years I'd see my friend perhaps once every three months. She had a very busy life and would often cancel on me at short notice which I would find disappointing, but I would understand to a point. Sometimes I'd find it more upsetting than others as we'd arrange to meet, then she'd cancel just an hour before saying she wanted to do something with her family instead.
In the past two years I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man, before this I'd been single for a long time.
I invited her and her partner over to dinner a few times with us and every time she took the opportunity to tell my partner some of the embarrassing things I'd done whilst ill, ten years ago. I asked her to stop and explained how ill I was and how uncomfortable she was making me feel but she still carried on.
She invited us over for dinner twice, but cancelled one of the times, again just hours before.
In November I received a text message from her telling me her partner had left her.
I immediately rang her and told her I'd support her through everything and would be there for her.
Which gets me to the situation I'm in now.....
I have helped her to sort out benefits, accompanied her to benefits appointments, given her advice in regards to her job, how to claim child maintenance etc.
She began ringing most evenings and wanting to see me at least once a week if not more. If I was too busy (I have 2 disabled children and work from home) she'd start saying she was lonely and she hadn't seen me for ages, which would make me feel incredibly guilty and I would drop everything and go round.
She said to me that I must feel like she's using me as I now see her more in a week than I ever saw her in the last year.
Often when I have gone round she's then decided to sort out something which she's not bothered with. I've spent hours there with nothing to do whilst she's on the phone asking about how to claim council tax reductions etc when I'd already told her months ago exactly how to do it and told her I'd help her fill out the form.
She's also become incredibly bitchy and has made awful comments about her ex in front of her child.
I can understand how upset she is- he ran off with a younger woman and really has left her in the shit. I don't mind her venting to me and calling him every name under the sun, I just hate her doing this in front of her child. She's involving her child in a lot of the arguments between her and her ex and her child is going back and forth between the two of them passing on information that one's said about the other.
Sometimes when I've gone round she's said insulting things about my disabled son. She's ridiculed him for being unable to drive yet. He'd struggle with driving as his disability means that his legs and feet don't function properly. Also she's being quite hypocritical as her two oldest, able bodied children can't drive!
She's also laughed at my son as he hasn't had a sexual relationship yet and said he'll end up being a freaky 40 yer old virgin.
She then said that I should force my son to go away to university as going to the uni in our town and living at home will stop him from being independent.
My son struggles very much with independence. To be honest I'd never have imagined he'd even go to university and he has already achieved far more than I ever expected of him. She knows the nature of his disabilities and should know that actually he's already doing extremely well.
Then the latest thing has been that she has started talking to men online. Some of them married. I've told her that's what some men are like and that the minute they know you're single and vulnerable they'll be there. I told her I always blocked people like this.
She told me she doesn't care as she's not doing anything wrong and they're the ones who are messaging her.
She also started messaging a single man who was a childhood friend.
She talks to him all the time and he really likes her. He wants to start a relationship with her but she's told him she doesn't want that, then the next minute she'll get drunk and tell him she wants to sleep with him etc.
She met him a few weeks ago in his town and booked a hotel for them both to stay in together. I asked her why she'd done that as surely he'd be expecting more from it if they were sharing a room together.
Afterwards she told me she'd slept with him and that he wants them to be together. He's making plans to move to be nearer to her, but she says she'd be too embarrassed for her family and friends to see him, that she isn't attracted to him as he's bald, fat and wears glasses.
I told her I thought this was awful and that she was just leading him on and treating him abysmally.
She said she's lonely and that she enjoys talking to him and that she will tell him eventually that she's not interested but she doesn't want to just yet.
I feel like she's not the person I thought she was. I disagree with so many of her choices and every time I go round to see her I leave feeling miserable and deflated.
I dread my phone ringing or any texts or messages from her.
I've been ill again recently (mental health again) and this is all tying me up in knots as I'm wondering if I'm just feeling like this due to feeling depressed or if I actually aren't keen on her at all anymore?
I DO feel used right now. I feel like she expects too much from me and I feel she insults my family and upsets me when I do see her, however I also have this tremendous guilt due to the fact she helped me when I was ill.
I'm so sorry for the long post, I just didn't want to drip feed. I really hope someone can help me out as this is all making me feel incredibly anxious.