Relationship over - panic attacks, no sleep

[Noimaginationxyzz]

I've had relationships end before, but I could always see why, incompatibility or whatever. But relationship ended 2 weeks ago (I think??) not been said, but he's not contacted me since discussing if everything ok. Confusing muddled answers, we're compatible on every level, can't talk about things, not sure blah blah

I have no clue if dating and getting to commitment stage the issue or if every word about loving me, future with me was a load of crap.

It's such a bad and stupid ending I'm not coping. I'm waking up having panic attacks, heart pounding, not eaten for days. I need to pull myself together my DC has exams, but I'm just in such a state.. ..

You need to get yourself to your doctor and tell him/her about the panic attacks. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and the only way to manage the issue is to go to your doctor and get yourself on a track to get some help. Whether medication and/or counselling is best is for you to decide, but you need to put your mental and physical health first. If he hasn't called, take that as a sign. It's very clear that he has no interest on your wellbeing and the breakup was perhaps for the best?
Sending you hugs!

Really sorry to hear you are going through this. He sounds like the sort of bloke you could do without and should steer clear from, messing with your emotions like this. Please don't give him anymore chances.

I had panic attacks after I lost my daughter, they are brutal and you feel like you are going to die. They cannot kill you. Your adrenal gland, that sits above your kidney, is dumping a huge amount of adrenaline into your body. They can strike out of the blue. I have learned to tell myself "this will pass" (the panic) and it does and it will for you too.

There are good guys out there, don't let this jerk make you feel that there aren't. You deserve better than "maybe".

Good luck op, you're in the middle of a storm right now, but it honestly will get better. 💐💐💐

Thank you for replying I'm lying here feeling completely desperate. We have been in touch including a day together yesterday but such mixed messages, I am at a loss to understand. I thought he was nice man having a crisis which is different from being a sh*t. Having drink tomw, trying to give him space - he's felt pressure or something, I dunno I can't remember anything atm.

So I feel like tomw I need clear answers. But by saying look, tell me it's over or why you're being weird, it will trigger the pressure / flight thing again

So fed up of not sleeping of eating and timing so sh*t

seahorseshoe oh my goodness how desperate that you lost a child. My problem is nothing by comparison. I hate feeling like I do, but I'm more worried I am falling apart now, my child has exams, I can't be like this now, I just can't be......

Thank you, she was a gentle and clever little girl. You are having a crisis that is deeply affecting you, lovely, anyone can have panic attacks - even if they don't know why. You know why you are feeling panicky and I know why I was, that's why I bought her up. We both have reasons for feeling unwell. It might seem odd to say, but I think if you know what's making you feel shit, it's better than not... does that make sense?

You will sort out where you go from here tomorrow and demand clarity from him, as he's making you feel ill and that isn't love.

I just wanted you to know that someone knows how utterly vile they are and that they won't last forever. Honestly, this will pass.

Whatever happens in your relationship, at some point, you will be ok.

Thank you again seahorse. You're very kind to be taking my trivial problem seriously. If he is panicking about commitment me putting thumb screws on won't help. If he's just gone off me he has to say. I feel so full of guilt I'm screwing up my dc's home life now of all times. I should be a proper mother not awake all night. So angry he's done this

It's not trivial, it's making you stressed and feeling ill. You are a proper mother. Don't beat yourself up for the way you are feeling. All you can do is your best and, the way you are thinking about your DD's exams/home life, shows it's a priority to you.

He's the one messing you around. You need to know where you stand and, even, If you're prepared to let him into your life. Tell him, enough of the ambiguous signals, the games.

You deserve better.

Honesty is what you need so you know where you stand. It's shitty. I'm glad you are seeing him tomorrow, so you don't have to wait too long. it's cards on the table time.

Good luck op. I wish you so much happiness. Let us know how you get on. 💐💐💐

Noimagination so sorry you are going through this.
Hope it all goes well seeing him today. Focus in what you want - you don't have to hand over control of the situation to him

seahorse ponyprincess thank you for replying- got me through the night having some support. If the issue is feeling pressured, me adding pressure won't help. But maybe the issue is me so he needs to tell me. We had a night away planned end month maybe ask if that's still planned, so get a feel if this is ongoing. If he needs space to resolve an issue he is,worth it. If the issue is me, that's different

I remember your post about him. You have to ask yourself now is the relationship worth this? If he is making you feel this crap you need to protect yourself and walk away. He doesn't get to make all the decisions whilst you fall apart slowly.

He clearly isn't the kind decent man you thought otherwise he would recognise how he is treating you. Walk away op, your dc need you, youre wasting too much headspace here.

boredboredbored it's been 10 days or so. The mixed messages are unbearable. Plus I know he has justifiable issues from his complicated past. If he turns up today and I push, I will push him away. If I say nothing and wait my mental health and my work and my dc suffer. He was the one who volunteered the depth of feeling for me in a serious considered way. I am really struggling that something so good can fall apart. If we rowed or simmered I would get my head round it better. But it's making me I'll, I have to sort

Why have you surrendered so much power to this man? You can’t go on like this but you have to make the decision not to go on like this. By waiting for him to decide your fate, you’ve given him the power.

The balls in your court, start prioritising your MH or continue let him jerk you around.

It's been harder because after so many bad relationshios I was very cautious and had thought this was good and evenly balanced. And it's ended anyway. Never ever ever again. I shall be clear tonight if he turns up.

I agree with Bored and Agent; take back control. I've been where you are, constant "Is it finished?" and the accompanying stress and grief. When I finally decided that I couldn't take any more of it and ended it myself, all that grief and anxiety just left. Gone. Just like that.

I can't explain to you how beneficial it is to regain control of yourself and not to take this crap any more. Because that's what it is. Because he's engaging in delivering this crap to you, your relationship together could never now be 'balanced' no matter what you do.

seahorseshoe, I'm very sorry about your daughter.

lyinwitchinwardrobe thank you for your clear speaking. I need to hear it. This support is helping me get through. Have booked a counsellor for soon and buying herbal sleeping tablets today. I need to get my head straight. I cannot do this to my dc, I just cannot fall apart. I'm all he's got

Hi op just seeing how you're doing? Hope you're a bit brighter x

boredboredbored that's the kindest thing, thank you so much. I had a complete meltdown in asda, the pharmacist said are you ok, which finished me off. But then this afternoon something clicked and I'm determined to be ok. Went to the gym, ate some dinner and had nice evening with dc, who also looks happy to see me 'back'. Have lovely RL friends too who have texted and rung and got me through today. Herbal sleeping tablet and an early night Xx

Glad to hear you had a better afternoon. Heartbreak is bloody hard but I would rather a life by myself than being with a man who was emotionally void. You do deserve so much more. Look after yourself now, let us know how you're getting on. Sending a hug x

Checking in too. That's good to read, Noimagination. I don't know if time has actually been called on this but if not, please do consider being the one to do it. My reasoning is sound (in my opinion anyway), for you to be in this kind of state means that he's quite comfortable with leaving things in limbo. Well he would be, wouldn't he as he's the one who isn't in limbo, merely holding your strings for his own amusement/gratification. He will eventually tire of this and cut them anyway, or ghost you permanently.

Don't give him that. Please don't. I promise you, it hurts for but a short time if at all - take back your control of you. You deserve (and will get) better.

Oh and when you said, "He was the one who volunteered depth of feeling for me...", I nodded to myself and thought "What a twat he is".

Of course he needs to do this. To get hold of your strings, he has to get close enough to attach them to you. To do that, sweet talk...

That's all it is, see this (as Bored so adroitly put it, 'emotionally void') individual for what he is and drop him. Don't play his games, don't ghost/vacillate as he is doing, you're better than that - a short sharp text "This isn't working for me, it's finished. Don't contact me again", will do the job.

Rip off that plaster, you know that the pain is immense but for just one second - and then it doesn't hurt at all...

Hope you had a better night's sleep OP.

Personally I'd take control now and just message him something like "I think we both want different things so it's best if we part ways as friends. Take care x" then block him on everything.

Sounds like right now he's treating you like a doll - getting you out of your box and playing with you when he wants, then putting you to one side when he's got something "more important" to do. Fuck that, you're worth more.

boredbored lyinwitchinwardrobe notthefordrtype thank you all so much for your sound advice. I slept all night for the first time in ages, which was amazing. There is just nothing worse than thoughts crowding in at 2am, I lose all sanity through the nights. I know I have to end it; I don't feel strong enough yet, but I know your advice is absolutely right. I can see where I am now, and it's not where I thought I was....I need a few days to come to terms with it. And I'm better at home, not crying etc and I just don't want to fall off a cliff again yet for my dc....they need a break from me being a trial......

Carry on with your Kalms or whatever you're taking to get you through the night, Noimagination because it's true that 'the darkest hour is just before dawn' (there was even a song about it). Sleep through that hour and things will seem brighter.

Act in your own time, just don't be on the other side, regretting that you didn't - when he has.

You'll get through this. It won't always be painful either.

Lyimgwitchin yes, going to carry on with the sleep meds for a few days. I dread night time these days. Hopefully last night wasn't a fluke. I'm trying not to let the anxiety take hold again. I was so destroyed last week, I can't bear the thought of it taking hold again.... Trying to eat, exercise and sleep. Trying to remember self preservation a bit and not just moan all the time...... I can't pretend he's out of my system yet, or that I understand wtf's gone on.....

Bed time again....fingers crossed I'm knocked out again. I'm calmer but sadder than I was. I'm not sure dating is worth it. The lovely bit doesn't last and you're left with this