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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Was I taken advantage off!!!

33 replies

Ashadow88 · 09/03/2019 12:43

Hi there, I just wanted peoples opinion on this situation.
I’ve been dating a guy for the last few months, he is very kind, caring and sweet, and we get along great most of the time.
The only thing that has started to bother me is that on a few occasions when I didn’t feel like having sex, he would continue to still try and take my clothes off and it would take a few times to say no before he would listen, I would actually have to raise my voice in the end.

Also last night we had been out for drinks, but he had only 2 as was driving, I was very much drunk, no fit state at all, to have any kind of intercourse, we were in bed, he then took my underwear off even though I was saying no, then he got on top off me to have sex I literally had to shout him to get off, which he did in the end. He then got annoyed and left...

Anyone thoughts much appreciated. Thanks 🙂

OP posts:
nrpmum · 09/03/2019 12:44

End it is my advice, he has no respect for you at the least.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/03/2019 12:45

Massive no no from me. Dump him

Custardo · 09/03/2019 12:46

hes a fucking arsehole

lifebegins50 · 09/03/2019 12:46

Definitely end it, he is not kind and it is concerning. No man I have been with (even toxic Ex) has ever pushed so far. No, means no.

flumpybear · 09/03/2019 12:49

Bin this beast now

dontgobaconmyheart · 09/03/2019 12:49

End it before it goes further OP. He clearly has no boundaries and that would terrify me. You should not ever have to wonder whether a partner is trying to rape you, or might, it's time to end it if you are.

He isn't stupid and he knows no means no, he just wants to have sex so doesn't care/Hope's you will give in even though you don't want to and have directly said so. Coercive rape is not any less of an assault.

I would not be around this person OP, particularly when I were vulnerable or drunk. It is his issue, and he is at fault, but you are on a hiding to nowhere here and deserve better Flowers

Original poster
Ashadow88 · 09/03/2019 12:50

Thanks for all your messages everyone!

It is just nice to have other ppls opinions, I am thinking the same I will be ending it! It’s totally disrespectful.

Even when he comes over to mine, he is constantly all over me, can’t just sit there without put his hands up my skirt etc

OP posts:
Fannybaws52 · 09/03/2019 12:51

Big Red Flag waving in your face here.

He's pushing boundaries and doesn't respect you. He's a step away from sexual assault. Dump him. Normal men respect 'No'.

Itstimeslikethese · 09/03/2019 12:55

It seems he only wants you for one thing , that's not a relationship, & he is disrespectful, no means no!

Original poster
Ashadow88 · 09/03/2019 12:57

Also when he finally gets the message No after many tines me saying it, he then starts saying to me “ do you not like me anymore” “ I don’t think you fancy me anymore” as if he is trying to make me feel bad... it’s awful..

I will be ending it!!! Haven’t spoken to him since last nights epsiode, not even sure if to bother, maybe it’s just best to block him

OP posts:
poppingoff · 09/03/2019 12:58

Just make last night the last contact you ever have with him.

MzHz · 09/03/2019 13:07

Ok, so he’s escalating this all the time

Last night you had to shout at him to get him to stop and he punished you by stropping off.

Next time he won’t stop. You know that right?

Dump him now before he rapes you
(((((Huge hug))))))

Original poster
Ashadow88 · 09/03/2019 13:08

Yes your right. Thanks Smile
No point even explaining myself again that he was in the wrong, he just doesn’t get it.
Thinks I’m the one in the wrong, all so odd

OP posts:
MzHz · 09/03/2019 13:11

You’re not in the wrong my dear! Not at all. Thank god you posted for reassurance

Block him now and don’t allow him to ever contact you again.

No he won’t ever “get it” his whole self is wrapped up in conning himself he’s a decent bloke.

He’s not. He’s sick, he won’t ever ever change and he will rape someone (if indeed he hasn’t done already)

Keep posting, you need to know we’re all here for you and want to help you feel stronger and supported

mummmy2017 · 09/03/2019 13:12

The tell him point blank. By text
You tried to rape me last night. So we are over. Goodbye.

AntiHop · 09/03/2019 13:14

Thank goodness you've realised this is unacceptable behaviour. Agree with above.

Original poster
Ashadow88 · 09/03/2019 13:22

Aww thank you for your message.

You are so right he makes out his a nice guy, but doing this is awful

Even once before he had my bank card in his wallet one evening looking after it for me, and when I checked my online banking the next day he had used without asking me to buy himself a drink. I should off ditched him then.. he is vile!!!

OP posts:
SuziQ10 · 09/03/2019 13:24

End contact with him.
You could also have reported him for sexual harassment... undressing you when you're saying no... & no doubt someone else will in the future if he carries on like this.

Original poster
Ashadow88 · 09/03/2019 13:25

I can’t belive he would even want to have sex with someone so drunk, I certainly wouldn’t. I would look after them and put them to bed.

OP posts:
GaraMedouar · 09/03/2019 13:27

Block. End of.

CheeseWheel · 09/03/2019 13:34

So he's a thief, sexual harasser and borderline rapist. Nothing makes that better. Block and cut contact now. Sorry you had to deal with this.

wishywashy6 · 09/03/2019 13:43

Yeah OP, dump and block. Red flags all over.

I've been with my BF for about 8 months now and while the sex side of things is great I've never ever felt like that's all he's bothered about. I got stupid drunk over Xmas at a family gathering, called him to ask him to get me. He took me home, held my hair back while I was sick, wrapped me in a duvet and ordered me some food to try and sober me up. He'd have never made a move on me in that state (well to be fair I don't think anyone would 😂) but what I'm saying is I feel safe, loved and respected by him and I can trust him.

It does sound as though your guy plays the kind/ caring part but then he feels like he's entitled to sex because of it. You can do better

Gina2012 · 09/03/2019 13:58

Not sure why you'd need to ask. He is attempting to rape you

Heismyopendoor · 09/03/2019 14:02

Glad you are going to end things. He sounds horrible and disgusting! That’s not how you deserve to be treated, no should be treated like that. If you continue to see and date him I sadly don’t think it will be long until he doesn’t listen to your shouts and rapes you.

JFDIJFDIJFDI · 09/03/2019 16:44

Dump and block, he sounds vile and dangerous... you can do better.