Last name - what to do?

[peterpanwendy]

I'm getting married next year. My fiancé and I have a DD together, at the time of her birth we were not engaged but planned to marry so we gave her my OH's last name.

I sort of begrudge losing my last name and am toying with the idea of double barrelling. I want to have the same name as my DD and husband but I also love my last name.

My OH does not want to take my last name but says he would've agreed to our DD having both our last names. I feel it's too late to change her name, she has 2 middle names and we chose her first name based on how it sounded with her last name so it would become a mouthful and not flow as nicely as it does now. I wish I'd thought of it at the time and only given her one middle name but again, I will not change that now as they are special, family names.

So my question, and I'd love to hear from women who've double barrelled their last names, am I creating a life of hassle having a double barrelled last name when my husband and child/ren will only have the single name?

For context: My name won't be being carried any further it'll end with me but my thinking is that it will at least last longer than if it were to end here.
My surname is used frequently at work and so I'd either stay as what I am now or become Mrs Fiancé's name because calling me by the double barrelled name would be too much faff on a daily basis.
I would be the odd one out in my family on passports etc but equally I love my name and want to keep it.. I just don't know what to do and I'd love to hear your experiences with this.

Keep your name professionally but go with OH name everywhere else?

I think you should keep your name, you obviously want to?

I took my my DH surname, because I didn't like my old surname and some family members. I did it for me not for him.

I don't know what to suggest for your child as we obviously do not know her name, but it does sound like you're leaning towards double barrelled?

Don't worry about passports! I've been married 6 years and still haven't updated mine from my maiden name (I got a new password to go aboard for my wedding, so I can get a decade out of my maiden name passport)

I took my my DH surname, because I didn't like my old surname and some family members. I did it for me not for him

Sorry to derail, but this is nonsense - if you hated your surname and wished to distance yourself from certain family members, why didn't you change it at any point after you were 18? Funny old thing, you waited until you got married then happened to pick your new husband's surname. But you DID IT FOR ME NOT HIM

OP, keep your surname and double barrel your DD.

I double barreled but also my DD is double barreled.
It's the only way my family would continue so it's something I insisted on.
When she marries she will double barrel and drop her dads last name.
They have a whole host of kids to continue their name and she knows this.
I'm back to a single surname now as we divorced.
That was the worst bit to be honest!
I wish I'd never double barreled.

Kept mine and just give DD the 2 names.

I took my my DH surname, because I didn't like my old surname and some family members. I did it for me not for him

I don't think this is that odd, I didn't feel connected to my surname for again family reasons so changed to my husbands surname. We got married in our 20's and I think if that hadn't been on the cards I would have considered changing it to my mother maiden name long term.

OP it wouldn't be hard to double barrel you dd now, and really how often is a full name said?

I use both. Legally I'm my married name (even tho divorced) so I've the same surname as DC. But at work and on my bills / social media etc I'm my maiden name. So basically passport and driving license in married name. Helps for holidays abroad with DC if nothing else. I think of my 'real' name being my maiden name

I double barrelled my name when I got married. The dc have DH's last name and my name as an additional middle name. At school I'm known as mrs DH name to make things easy (the second part of the double barrel) and by my name-DH name everywhere else. No problems anywhere.

When you marry you can change your dc's surname.

I took my husband's name when I got married, but then we moved and where we live now women keep their maiden name or double barrel. It caused so much fuss that I now use all three combinations depending on which country I'm in or who I'm dealing with. It has never caused any confusion.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I will not be changing my DD name. I love her name and it sounds great as it is. To have a double barrelled surname we would have had to rethink her middle names, something I'm not prepared to do now.

@AnnoyedByAlfieBear I like the idea of this. I'm happy to be Mrs DH name just kinda want my last name legally so that it's still a part of me.

I'd really just be doing it for me, people probably wouldn't even know unless I told them, we'd still be the DH's name family and I'd be known at work as Mrs DH's name.

Another question I have is when I register with e.g the doctor could my name just be Mrs DH's name or will I have to be Mrs my name-husband's name (it's that amount of syllables ) just wondering how regularly I will actually have to use my full name. Luckily my first and middle name are short

@peterpanwendy I'm mrs my name-should name at the drs etc. My name is a long Eastern European name so it was complicated before I even added DH's into the mix!

Mrs my name-DH name, not should name!

@FineWordsForAPorcupine apologies if what I did offended you.

At 18 I was not upset with any family, without you knowing my life story (which really isn't required on this thread) I don't think you can tell me my reasoning is silly.

I only added the reason why I changed my name to explain that it was always my choice, never my DH.

I was only trying to be helpful with my comment, sometimes the backlash from other posters is unnecessary

Why not use your surname as a middle name.
Peterpan Wendy Hissurname

My last name is a bit of a mouthful to use as a middle name it would look odd. I either want to be Mrs DH name or Mrs My name-DH name. I still have a year to decide. I just didn't want to say my name and people be like why did you do that when you didn't have to?! Because it's 5 syllables long and no one else will have the same name as me

I double-barrelled but have kept my name for work (and it's officially listed on my passport). I use my full name so rarely that I sometimes forget to use it when I'm somewhere official. I did it in anticipation of us having children so we would all share at least one surname. It works for me.

@DaphneBlake101 that's good that having a long name didn't phase you.

I think I have made up my mind that I will double barrel my name and at work be known as Mrs my name (I'll formally use my full name but my name will come before my stb DH's name so it'll just be shortening it). That way I can still keep a piece of me and won't have to go through the hassle of 'changing my name' to everyone (all the children ) at work.

Double-barrelled here but had no children. DH also changed his surname to DB too.

I can't see the point in having DB surname and using Mrs DH's surname at work. If too much of a mouthful then why bother at all? Just be Mrs DH's surname.

I'd double barrell it in your case.
I kept my name, DH kept his, DS has both our names, mine first.
Seems logical.

Reading this with interest as I went back to my maiden name for work purposes a few years ago BUT all my legal docs are in my married name so its become a right pain when booking business flights or paying for anything as I have to use my married (actually now divorced!) name for the credit card etc. Also when signing any docs as a company director I have to use married name for the same reason.

Not sure what to do as want to keep married name so its the same as the kids

I changed to DH name but we both had common as muck surnames to start with so it made little difference. I wanted to take my husband’s name. My original name will die out as all of us girls are married now but honestly there’s millions of them in the world anyway. I couldn’t be bothered with using different names for different scenarios either.

I think do what feels right for you, which sounds like double barrelling your name and keeping DC as is. I know a woman who has a double barrelled family name that she also gave to her DC - and her husband is the one that doesn’t have the same name. Whatever works for you!

I had been previously married. When now dh proposed and I had my ring (!), I changed my surname to his first name.
So ds is' name + df's first name'.

@Abouttimemum I will do just this, thank you! My name isn't very common but his is very common, another reason for me wanting to keep mine x

@Blobby10 could you change yours to double barrelled? I will formally be known as Mrs my name-dh name, work will know this as well as me obviously having this on all ID etc. However to make things easy I will just be called a shortened version 'Mrs my name'

@Spiritinabody i'd be my name at work not his, and my name would come first so it'd just be shortening my full, double barrelled name. He doesn't want to change his name and I respect that as much as he respects me wanting to keep mine :)