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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU or am I overreacting?

34 replies

lankymoose · 08/03/2019 09:29

I had an argument this morning with DH over his approach to IWM!

So, I come form a family where we always celebrated international woman's day, not just in the name of women's right but in the name of equality. DH knows this, this has been discussed/said many times.

This morning I wished DH a happy IWD when he woke up to which he replied 'but you didn't wish me a happy International men's day. I didn't know this exists?! He pulls his phone out and shows me it does. Ok, I said, lets observe the day today and teach our children about that. DH then goes into our DS (9yrs) room to wake him up and tells him: 'Its IWM go wish mum a happy one', DS asks his dad what is 'IWD? DH: 'It's just some made up nonsense!'

AIBU to be really angry over this?

I refused to talk to DH after that even tho he tried but only followed with remarks such as getting our DS to mark the int. mens day in family calendar etc.

OP posts:
TheQueef · 08/03/2019 09:31

YABU. There are enough things to row about without inventing new outrages.

SpiritedLondon · 08/03/2019 09:38

i come form a family where we always celebrated international woman's day

Now there’s a sentence I was not expecting to read.

This whole thing seems extremely petty to me - I’d wear a suitable pro woman sweatshirt ( of which there are many it seems) and cheerfully raise it at every opportunity to wind him up but I honestly would not have an honest to goodness row about it. It’s pointless - he thinks it’s a pile of crap obviously.

Feb2018mumma · 08/03/2019 09:40

I think you are over reacting

Frecklesonmyarm · 08/03/2019 09:47

Yes yabu. It is a made up day.

So many companies celebrate it, then treat women like lesser being for the rest of year.

The same as celebs always draw attention to the women who have contributed to their lives and careers around now, but happy to push them into the background the rest of the year

It is made up. So are most other things. Its important to you. but not to him.

My dp doesnt get it either, neither do I really. But he totally gets my feminist views and supports me on a day to day basis.

Aaaahfuck · 08/03/2019 09:57

It would piss me off as it sounds like he doesn't get why it exists.

howwillwedeal · 08/03/2019 10:07

Made up nonsense, he's right!

How have your family celebrated before?

lanclass1 · 08/03/2019 10:10

Incredibly silly

CoolJule43 · 08/03/2019 10:10

YABU.
It is a made-up day as are Mothers' day, Fathers' day, National non-smoking day etc etc. Your DH is quite correct.

You are being extremely petty and unfair to him, especially as he has arranged for your DC to wish you a happy IWD.

TwitterQueen1 · 08/03/2019 10:12

I'm finding it difficult to believe this is true OP. Who wakes up and says Happy International Women's Day! And then expects a 9 year old to join in...

However, taking this at face value:
Having 'days' like this perpetuates the patronising 'pat-on-the-head aren't women marvellous!' attitude, which is completely contrary to the overall objective.

Equality in the workplace should be a constant and perpetual effort and achievement.

What does it actually mean? Women are wonderful. So are men.

I would have fewer problems with something more specific, eg, Women in Industry, Famous quotes from Women, Female Icons....

Oh, and yes, YABU. You would have achieved far more by a personal demonstration of female empowerment rather than by creating an argument. (Choose a day from your own history for example, and explain to your son and husband why it was so important to you.)

YoLoHogwomanay · 08/03/2019 10:58

this isn't about IWD is it, OP?

It's about your DHs attitude towards something that matters to you, and which you see as representing equality.

What imbalances do you have in your relationship?

Is this merely a symptom of a wider issue between you both?

detoke · 08/03/2019 11:07

You are being unreasonable.
You probably have something else underlying hence why you're using IWD as an excuse to vent.
You should sit him down and talk to him about what the actual issue is and not overreact over something as little as IWD.
Next you'll be arguing over him not saying "Merry Christmas" lol

NameChangeNugget · 08/03/2019 12:19

YABU. Your DH was correct.

Do you kick off this easily at real issues?

Starrygirl12 · 08/03/2019 13:06

Your husband sounds quite funny 😂

madcatladyforever · 08/03/2019 13:11

Bonkers.

OKBobble · 08/03/2019 13:14

I am really intrigued that there are families that celebrate it other than it has raised awareness.

Do Hallmark do cards yet?

Frecklesonmyarm · 08/03/2019 13:19

OP do you not think it was childish to refuse to speak to him? Apart from passively aggressively putting mens day on the calendar?

It's all very childish.

Arowana · 08/03/2019 13:22

YANBU - you had explained to your DH that this was important to you, it was mean of him to say that to your DS.

loveyoutothemoon · 08/03/2019 13:23

It is made up nonsense! You are being unreasonable being 'angry'.

Arowana · 08/03/2019 13:30

It is a ‘made up’ day but then so are lots of other days! How many of the posters here would be disappointed if they didn’t get a card on mother’s day?

Original poster
lankymoose · 08/03/2019 13:55

lots of good comments to calm my mind and thank you wise ones.
yes it helps to make me feel a bit unreasonable... never mind
however, i was born in (one of 25) country where IWD is a bank holiday! So it is a real thing for some people. I did not expect any special treatment or 'congrats' (no hallmark!). I got angry over DH feeding our son with 'that is nonsense' line over something that i grew up with and help as an important political point and memory.

OP posts:
Frecklesonmyarm · 08/03/2019 13:58

It's odd that a lot of countries that have it a national holiday, treat women appallingly.

Which is why its total bollocks.

I do find it odd that you have a son, make such a big deal about today but didn't find out if there was an equivalent.

LemonTT · 08/03/2019 14:02

Well if you have celebrated it every year then surely your son already knows what it is and what it means.

What do you usually do to celebrate ?

Widowodiw · 08/03/2019 14:04

It is an absolute load of bollocks and just accelerates female stereotypes. Oh the women need a pat on the back- well don’t them. All I hear in my company about it is a celebration of female leaders? Why do we have to be leaders? Are the leaders the only females that are respected? I can’t believe your gone silent on your husband about this. Blah!

Prisonbreak · 08/03/2019 14:08

I’m on your husbands side. It’s a made up nonsense day

pocketdelia · 08/03/2019 14:19

I would be angry too! Even if the idea of "made up" days in general can sometimes feel arbitrary, to tell your son that IWD is a load of nonsense is really unhelpful. What if the son perceived the comment to mean "women have equal rights already / women's issues don't need to be discussed/ women don't need to be celebrated".