My husband said he’s no longer attracted to me

[Wicker123]

Looking for advice from someone who may have been in a similar position (or tbh any advice would be good).
I’ve been married for 13 years, together 16, and have two children 12 and 15 I have always been a sexual person whereas my husband not quite as much as me. I started to notice not long after we got married that sex was happening less often, like from once a week to once a month then three then six etc... We would have a chat about it then things would improve a bit before going back the same thing. Then we went three years with no sex and it was killing me, I eventually plucked up the courage to talk to him and was told he thought it was me, I’d had a hysterectomy around the time it stopped and didn’t want to rush me. All very plausible and we resumed our sexual relationship for a year. Then it stopped again! I had propositioned him a couple of time and was rebuffed (tired, not well etc..). Anyway it’s now been another two years so I again plucked up the courage to talk to him and he has told me he doesn’t find me attractive anymore and should have been honest a long time ago. I’m heartbroken 😞 he said he wants to work on getting the spark back as he loves me and doesn’t want things to end. We talked about the things that may help, him being more active and being honest about his feelings and me loosing weight (I’ve put around 6 stone on in the last 10 years) and trying to be less passive and more proactive in life.
I have zero confidence or assertiveness and can be quite a nag sometimes, I know those things tend to be a turn off for men. He was very nice and honest about how he feels and was really sad to hurt me. I’m hoping we can work it out but he said he can’t promise it will work but really wants it too. Do you think it could work?

@Wicker123 not sure if this post is still going. I was wondering if anything has changed from your end?

I wanted to relate as I am in the same position. My and my partner have been together for 7 years, married 5. The last 3 we've not had any sexual contact. We also discussed it, and my partner broke down again about this whole situation last night.

I have no sexual attraction towards my other half - I feel intimidated and uncomfortable because it's been so long. I can't really see myself having an intimate relationship anymore.

Having said that, everything else is perfect. We hang out, have fun, watch movies and do things together. She's my best friend. I have tried to be intimate but I just can't do it anymore. i think I probably just have a really low libido. Every few weeks I will just take care of it myself and that works for me.

I think you can get it back, I did for my husband and find him really attractive again after going through a fairly long period when I didn't. You do need to lose weight, 6 stone is a huge amount, its like adding another person to your body. You will feel so much better about yourself and gain confidence which is super attractive. Even if it doesn't work it will make moving on so much easier as you will feel much better about yourself

As others have said, communication is key. Although what he has said in regards to your weight, it's harsh, yes, but we all do have our preferences. I also do believe that couples should do their best to look after themselves for one another, even when children happen we should do our best to please one another - this goes for him too.

Maybe you two can join a class or work out at home together, be more active with one another doing different tasks to start getting close again. Also, dress up, get your hair done and buy yourself something new and both of you go out and enjoy yourselves. We can fall so easily in to routine that we do forget ourselves, but you two seem to still care about one another so it's time to put the effort in.

The success of this relationship relies on you both, he has told you his concern, if you have any you need to voice them too. Your children are no longer that young where you need to be constantly chasing after them, it's time you both went back and revisit how you fell in love and start over.

Keep communicating, start working on building your confidence again, your man does love you - now you need to start loving you more and get the best out of you. You both will be fine if you keep being honest and communicate.

I'm wishing you both so much happiness, I hope this is a new start for you both and that your children can witness their parents being cringe and soppy over one another. You will get there, you know what you need to do - it's now time to act. Best wishes to you both!

Oh bollocks, I didn't realise this was an old thread, it came back to the top of the page!

@LoveLifeBeHappy I hope things do work out for you.. you need to bring that spark back. Go back and visit what made you fall in love in the first place, what attracted you to him. You both need to make time and effort for one another sexually too, it's important in a healthy relationship. You can get back there, you need to communicate with one another and understand where you both find the issues and then address them. Good luck to you.

My husband said the same thing to me and reading the comments I feel disheartened. What was the point of getting married then?

I think 6 stone was a lot for the OP but it's so easy to creep up. It was great they were communicating at least. I think it showed they both wanted it to work.

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