He's not going to change is He?

[CruftsChampion]

Having marital issues! We've been to counselling which was useless as as soon as we got outside he disagreed with every point i made

1. He won't have a joint bank account
2. He moans about work all the time
3. I've paid for all home improvements without any offer of cash from him
4. He changes shifts and books overtime without telling me
5. He won't say no to his family
6. He won't accept any criticism

and breathe...

I'd stop paying for everything. Contribute exactly as much as he does (proportionately based on your incomes would be even better) and make things his problem as well. Presently it gets done so why would he care about the cost or contributing to it?

He gives me money for the household etc as everything comes out of my account as he's got bad credit. However any home improvements are left to me and it's expensive.

No he won't change.

He won't even listen to constructive criticism or conversation. He just moans and bats everything back on me. I'm losing patience.

“I’m losing patience”

No wonder, you’ve told him there are issues and he even won’t listen, never mind change.

I seriously can't be arsed. He's a good man but God the constant inability to see fault is so annoying.

What impact is the shift changing/work stuff having?

He’s not a good man if he won’t listen to his wife when she’s telling him there are issues with the marriage.

He won’t change, the only thing you can do is put up with him or leave. I know what I’d do.

He does a range of shifts so if he changes it means childcare issues. He has an inability to see his faults at all. He says no one will love me like him and I'm breaking him. I'm his 2nd marriage and I'm wondering why !

When he was unwell I got him to hospital and looked after him for a week at home. When I wasn't well for one day he wouldn't help and kicked off because he had to walk the dog and sort our child out. He's always moaning about his job too.

‘No one will love me like him’

He’s emotionally and financially abusive - and you know it. You know it from counselling, from the shift issues and from everything else. Does he want to improve things?

he wants to stay together but I don't see how we can. I'm not happy. He just won't listen to anything. He's good with our child but he's just difficult.

He also isn't happy if our child wakes in the night. He's a child! if I go into his room my husband will push past me and take over and act like superdad! He then moans he's had to get up and he's working the next day. He has to go the gym every day.
He leaves me to do an hour and a half trip to nursery then work so he can go the gym. the nursery is 5 minutes from his work!

Well, you won’t. He’ll either leave you (like he left wife 1?) or you and your DC will be unhappy.

Don’t stay. Life is better without. But you could try one more time to see HOW MUCH he wants to stay together. If he won’t change, he clearly isn’t that fussed. So why are you doing all the running to make this work?

I'm just resigned to it I can't be arsed. His ex wife found us texting and kicked off and left. we were friends no more until a year later I swear that. Apparently his ex wife was being unfaithful

Also if I mention money ie going halves for anything he'll remind me he once put 700 quid in my account while I was on mat leave. fuck off mate

Well, you and he both know where this is going. He wouldn’t change for her and now he won’t change for you.

he's Mr popular too Everyone loves him. I'm actually the more difficult character I guess.

I don't want him to have our child alone in a flat etc. He boils water in pans on the from hob not the back! That's common sense! I don't like his driving either.

You don’t really like him.

At the moment no i don't like him

He won't change because how he wants to act is exactly how he's acting right now.

I think you can cross the following off the 'change' list;

1. Getting a joint account
2. Equally sharing the financial burden of keeping a home
3. Dropping half of his gym visits so he can do half of the drop offs
4. Getting up in the night with his child and not making everyone suffer the next day by whinging

It's not a popular view but I believe people don't change. And I've had 10 years of counselling which while enormously helpful, hasn't changed the person I am one jot.

His fist wife left him because he was a selfish prick and I think you would be well advised to take the same route.

It's just too difficult. His dad is the same all me me me. All his family are. I'd rather be single and more skint seriously.
Before we got together i was asleep at a mutual friends house and he was hugging and kissing me without consent. looking bad what a red flag duh.

What do you have to do to break up?

He told you his wife was unfaithful after she caught the two of you texting? you mug!
Come on love, you only get one life. Don't fall for the sunj costs fallacy.