He's not going to change is He?

[CruftsChampion]

Having marital issues! We've been to counselling which was useless as as soon as we got outside he disagreed with every point i made

1. He won't have a joint bank account
2. He moans about work all the time
3. I've paid for all home improvements without any offer of cash from him
4. He changes shifts and books overtime without telling me
5. He won't say no to his family
6. He won't accept any criticism

and breathe...

sunk

Time to leave. He won’t change.

He's a good man

Christ how many times do we see threads about blokes behaving like total arseholes to their partners and their partners come out with that line, or variations of "He's lovely"

How low does someone's self esteem have to be to kid themselves that they are "good" or "lovely"?

His wife found texts between you both, just friends if what you say is true and she left.
Sounds like she was looking for an excuse to offload him onto someone else and you were the “lucky” winner.

He does alot in the house and for our child. He's not a bad dad.

Why are you defending him from criticism and the blindingly obvious? I thought he was the one who wouldn't accept any criticism?

I’m struggling to see a single positive about him but no he doesn’t want to change.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Why did you write he is a good dad at all?. He is NOT a good dad to your child or a husband to you if he can and does treat you like this. You wrote this of him too, "He also isn't happy if our child wakes in the night".

Do not remain resigned to this and your child will not say "thanks mum" for staying in a rubbish relationship for your own reasons.

Women in poor and otherwise abusive relationships often write the good dad comment when they themselves can think of nothing positive to write about their man.

And is this why you have stayed as well:-
"I don't want him to have our child alone in a flat etc"

Do you really think that such a man post separation and divorce would really want to see his child?. He would simply use that person as a further means of punishing you for having the gall to leave him. But that does not mean that you should not divorce him. This man ultimately cares about his own self and his own self only; you and your child are but bit part players in his life and are seen as unimportant and unworthy with he being at the centre of his own universe.

No he will not change and you need to revise your definition of 'good man'

He will definitely want access to our child and I wouldn't stop that. He's infuriating as he won't listen to anything. He says he's trying his best and I'm kicking him out

attila, he would simply use that person as a further means of punishing you for having the gall to leave him. This man ultimately cares about his own self and his own self only. yes that.

I've seen this happen to a friend. They've been separated for over two years and its still going on, but friend is so much happier since leaving an abusive relationship.

Only you know which way forward is right for you and dc. As most have already said he doesn't want to change so the change your looking for from dh won't happen.

And you married him why?

I'm an idiot

Do you really think that such a man post separation and divorce would really want to see his child?.

He may want access but he could well simply use the child here as a further means of punishing you for having the gall to leave him. But that does not mean that you should not divorce him. This man ultimately cares about his own self and his own self only; you and your child are but bit part players in his life and are seen as unimportant and unworthy with he being at the centre of his own universe.

I just want out. I've been a fool. He's turned everything round on me as per

Earlier you weren't leaving because he is irresponsible and can't be trusted. On the other hand, you want out.

Either you divorce or you sit tight. If you sit tight, then you need to rebuild your life. You do not need him and you certainly must not believe his shite 'about nobody loving you like he can'. All abusers say that to coerce you in to staying with them by basically diminishing you.

If he won't help on nursery runs then you move your child to a nursery that suits you. You don't pay for home improvements - you put that money in an account he knows nothing about. You build up your network. You look to the future and you live as much as you can in the present. You disengage from him.

I can't live another fifty years like this

You are sabotaging both your life and your child’s by staying with this man. Don’t let your son grow up with this as his model for how relationships should be.

He's agreed to take a lesser amount out of the house and if I want some of his pension I can have it wtf

we know everything about each other. We were great friends. The chances of me meeting anyone is slim too