Husband left me while pregnant

[snowball28]

Just that really, I’m not bothered in all honesty, I’ve had enough of his emotional abuse to last me a lifetime. The constant stonewalling, contempt and arrogant defensive attitude I had to put up with. The lying, the woe is me the world is against me crap every fucking day. I’m glad he’s gone, good fucking riddance.

My only problem is I’m pregnant, I’m due June 1st and I’ve no one to have my older kids (8 and 2) whilst I go into the hospital. I’m NC with my family and only have one friend who lives hours away and my next door neighbour is a 70 odd year old bloke.

Home birth is out due to health conditions I have so what now? Please tell me someone has a fab idea they’d like to share? I’m scared and desperate.

I haven't got much advice but didn't want to read and run.

Could you speak to your midwife regarding options? As I am sure they will have encountered all sorts off different parenting and family situations.

You sound like a very strong lady, all the best x

Is there a reason you're NC with your family OP? Don't mean to pry but my family would be the first people I'd go to about something like this. Is it something that could be fixed? Other than that maybe extended sleepovers at DC's friends houses for your DC you'd have to have trust the parents you were sending them to.... Other than that I'm not sure. Good luck though I'll cross my fingers for you

Presumably your husband will still see the children. Can’t he have them?

@MsJellyBelly if I ask him he will say no to spite me. He will insist on being there for the birth instead which given the mental and financial abuse he’s put me through for years I really don’t want him there. FYI he left me because I asked him to was the pots, he caused an argument screamed at me for over an hour then chucked the pots at me which bruised my face. He wouldn’t have the kids even if I paid him.

@Shadow93 abuse. I’d rather not say what kind but we’re NC as they aren’t allowed anywhere near me and I cut my mother off as she allowed it.

Thanks @IrishCypriot I’m trying to be, I will call the midwife in the AM see what she says.

@Snowball28 sorry to hear that, maybe the sleepover option or speak to the school see if they can suggest any services you could contact ? Hope it works out in the end

I know people hate social services for the most part but I’ve known someone in this position where foster carers helped for a couple of days when mum gave birth. Because it was planned the kids got to meet and get to know them first and then go ‘on holiday’ for a couple of days when mum was in hospital (c-section). School arranged it

You don't have a single friend? Neighbors?

You don't have a single friend? Neighbors?
That’s covered in my original post.

Is the two year old home with you during the day or at child minder/nursery? If they're at nursery or child minder I'd start asking there.

@Justagirleholovesaboy of course I do, anyone can view anyone’s.

So what that I posted that only a few days ago it’s doesnt make either of my statements any less true, I used to have friends, lots of friends in fact but unfortunately when we moved they quite reasonably didn’t move with us. Did you not read where I said ‘my one friend lives hours away’ she is the only one I’m still in contact with from my old gang the rest just fizzled away. It is possible for an abused woman to be isolated from her peers without her realising it for quite some time. I’m not going to sit here and have you twist a lighthearted statement I made on a different thread about meals out and how I used to stuff my face.

So no, not only a few days ago I had friends, but rather I commented on what me and my old friends (who I’m sure if I went back home would reignite our friendships they are not bad people after all) used to get up to when we went out for food.

I’m down right now but I’m strong and I won’t be kicked around by an internet bully so jog on please.

@Rtmhwales at home with me, I’m in sick leave now and going into mat leave March 18th so at least I do t have to worry about him not looking after the kids. I work evening and twilight shifts.

I’m going to ring the midwife if I can face it tomorrow, might lick my wounds for a bit first before I tell school.

How am I a bully? I pointed out what you said, it was not in any way stated in past tense?

Where do you live? Ive found local FB groups really supportive. If you could meet other single mums locally you could get a reciprocal childcare thing going

What do you think your options are?
If all else is depleted you have no options but to inform Social Services. What they will do, I've no idea.

@Justagirlwholovesaboy

She probably feels bullied as you purposely twisted her words in order to try and ‘catch her out’ you insinuated she was lying when she’s come on here vulnerable and scared probably hoping for help and a hand hold instead she’s having to justify herself. I’d suggest if you do t have anything nice to say just leave her be, she’s clearly having a shit time of it right now.

OP look into overnight babysitters or nanny’s etc I used one for a wedding once, the Yorkshire nanny company it was called but I’m sure they’ll be services all over. Start putting feelers out now and the midwife will definitely be able to signpost you towards some help and support. The kids can always go into emergency foster care whilst you have the baby also I’ve personally known of that happening but understand that’s a scary prospect! Maybe sign up to NCT also and do please look after yourself you sound like one tough cookie but still be gentle with yourself x

@Bbang I stated facts, report me for bullying if you feel I did

You twisted a comment to suit your narrative, I’ve been and had a nosey and there was no need for her to write in past tense.

You could of just asked nicely and with some sensitivity if you were curious?

Besides OP explained her current situ so really you should of said ‘my mistake as you were’ then and maybe tried to help somewhat.

Anyway I’m not going to clog up the thread with this when OP clearly needs help, pm me if you want the nanny details OP.

@justagirl, What facts are you stating? She told you she had been isolated from those friends since moving and having her abusive partner isolate her. What gives you the right to look her up on me, copy and paste her comment on food, then repost on here? She is genuinely asking for help. You do realise how rediculous you are coming across with that little statement?

OP, contact your local woman’s aid, their index of services is on their website, and ask for advice. Do this so you get the right support. Also see what the midwife suggests. You are not completely alone and there are thousands of women that have been in this position so there must be a solution. Try not to worry and do speak to your local woman’s aid. Best of luck.

I give up, she says she has no friends. The 2nd March meal out she mentioned was the quote I shared about her friendships, and multiple friends. So I’m the bad person here for being honest that I looked at a persons visible history.

snowball have you considered moving back to where your friends are? Or even just going up there for the birth?

Does your two year old go to pre school? Do you go to a toddler group? If yes to either of those then you could ask there?

What about contacting a health visitor, as they may have some suggestions.

I really don’t care whether you believe me or not, I don’t have the time nor the energy to justify why I haven’t made any other friends here yet. I’ve explained (which I didn’t have to do) that I left a lighthearted funny story about me and my friends and how we used to act on meals out on a thread about meals out!

I will endeavour to write ‘old friends’ and make sure everything is in the past tense in future cause hey that’s normal isn’t it.

I don’t need this, stop kicking someone when they’re down.

Thanks everyone that’s actually helped me, I’ve just spoken to the midwife and she’s coming round this afternoon as I was very upset on the phone and she’s worried about me. In the meantime she’s going to talk with her colleagues and brainstorm some ideas and refer me to MAST for some extra support.

I’m not planning on speaking to school yet as honestly it’s embarrassing or rather I’m embarrassed over the whole situation, I will tell them though.

I’m going to put the feelers out at the toddler group and baby sensory, maybe the organisers will have some ideas.