I am 20 weeks pregnant ( first time mum) and i live in Spain with my Spanish boyfriend.( I am from England) We have only been together for one year. I wont go into detail of our relationship over the year as i want advice over the most recent events.
At this time i was about 16 weeks pregnant. We had a stupid argument and i was angry , i threw a small glass of orange juice on the sofa and i threw my phone on the floor. He went absolutely mad and slapped me several times across my head and strangled me using his arm. Now my boyfriend is a big man, i am tiny. In the moment he had his arm around my neck i couldn't breath at all, nor did i have the ability to speak, or indicate to him that i couldn't breath. It was the scariest seconds of my life. He told me that the reason he did those things was because i made him angry by throwing the orange juice on the sofa, i made him angry.... of course i should not have done, that but i was so embarrassed because i had gone to kiss him to resolve the fight and he pushed me away, which made me fall backwards off the sofa. I couldn't believe what he did, i got up and immediately booked a flight back home to England. He started crying begging for my forgiveness and i forgave him....
Now since the beginning he has always had pictures on his phone or naked woman, videos, porn clips ect... these all being sent by a group chat he is in on whats app.. i hate it, especially as he tells me my boobs are disgusting and all the woman in the pics have perfect boobs. The reason mine are 'disgusting' to him is because they are so big they hang! I am 34DD so when i take off my bra, they are slightly saggy... they aren't perched perfectly... oh well... So anyway to see all those videos and pictures really hurts me.. he tells me in Spain its totally normal to have this stuff on your phone and all the men have it.. i am not used to that.. but what ever... he has respected it over time and i hadn't seen one on there in a while.. not that i sit and go through his phone, it would be if he is showing me another picture of something like that.
Anyway, the other day i did look at his phone ( something he does religiously to mine) i have to tell him my passwords, ect..i cant take it too the bathroom, it has to be on display at all times.. so they other day i picked up and looked at his phone and saw 2 pictures in his deleted folder of a woman in a thong.. i asked him where is this from ? He said, its from one of my group chats.. i said, ok, if that's so then let me see it in the group chat. He couldnt and still hasnt shown me..
So i was crying feeling so upset and he went off to work, the next day i asked him for proof where that pic had come from and he showed me, it had come off a website... it was apparently for stripper for an upcoming bacherlor party, i know about it , i am invited to the bacherlottle.. now the pic to me looked really dodgy so i asked him if i could see her profile... he REFUSED to show me, still hasn't... eventually he let me know the website, i went onto my computer which translated it to English, a website for prostitutes. Not a stripper but a prostitute. I asked him again and again and again to show me her profile so i could read her information he wont let me and still hasn't. He hasn't showed me the group chat , he wont show me her profile?? WTF is he hiding. .. He swears its for the bachelor party and even said in Spain it happens that a prostitute is arranged for the groom on his last night of 'freedom'
He keeps saying i am making a big deal out of nothing and im being so ridiculous. Hense why i am here... just need some perspective here..is this just pregnancy hormones making me feel so worked up over nothing. I am truly heart broken over this... Please dont say to me '' IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT WE THINK'' i am here because i need advice, i just need another human being to share with my their thoughts. I am not a victim, i too am not perfect.. i just need some opinions.