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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have just found a photo of my boyfriend kissing a man

33 replies

Wtfishappeningrn · 06/03/2019 12:15

On a night out. Uploaded to the Facebook page of the club, taken from the side behind them, they aren’t aware of photo being taken.

I’m shaking, tearful, feel like this can’t be happening.

I know this is a club he visits frequently as he worked there at one point. The night the photo is from, I was meant to be meeting him but something came up.

I only looked on the page because I’ve been having suspicions he is cheating and my gut told me something was wrong. But with no evidence I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t fucking expect to find a photo of him kissing a man. It was New Years too. And he wanted us to have a baby this year.

We have been arguing (mainly over my cheating suspicions) and haven’t spoken today. I slept with him several hours after this photo was taken (unprotected) and have many times since. Now I’m panicking he might have given me something too.

Sorry if this post is jumbled I’m in shock. What do I do?

OP posts:
GregoryPeckingDuck · 06/03/2019 12:18

It may have just been a drunken kiss in a night club. It’s not proof of cheating in and of itself. If you think he may be cheating on you with the chap in the photo then ask him. Maybe get an std check if you are geberally suspicious that he is cheating.

ballsdeep · 06/03/2019 12:19

Oh no op how awful. Do you know the. Other man? Are the definitely kissing?

Original poster
Wtfishappeningrn · 06/03/2019 12:21

Ballsdeep - no idea who the man is. Definitely definitely kissing, in the photo my boyfriend is turning his head to the side to kiss him, the man he is kissing is standing to his side facing him, no chance it’s the photograph making it look like a kiss.

Sad
OP posts:
Thehop · 06/03/2019 12:21

It could be a new year drunk peck? Very different to a passionate kiss?

Thehop · 06/03/2019 12:21

Oh sorry cross posted

MulticolourMophead · 06/03/2019 13:58

Do you think it may have been put up for you to see? That someone might be trying to tell you something? I'd make sure I had a copy downloaded and saved somewhere safe.

hellsbellsmelons · 06/03/2019 14:02

I think it's time for a frank, open and honest discussion.
It may be nothing but I don't go around snogging other women.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/03/2019 14:04

It isn’t nothing though is it? It is already cheating.

Sorry OP. Time to confront this.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/03/2019 14:05

Download a copy of the photo and show him. It may be a drunken moment or it may be something more but you need to talk to him.

Book an STI test.

Sorry, must have been a right shock.

LoveB · 06/03/2019 14:14

Gregory

This already is cheating! It is proof! I'm sorry OP Flowers

HollowTalk · 06/03/2019 14:34

Had he told you before this that he was attracted to other men?

VietnameseCrispyFish · 06/03/2019 14:37

Seems odd that anyone would try to minimise this by saying

It may have just been a drunken kiss in a night club. It’s not proof of cheating in and of itself.

When the OP had actual physical proof of him in the middle of cheating Confused did you read the OP properly?

Ohyesiam · 06/03/2019 14:41

vietnamese
Maybe the pp is trying to say that it could have been a New Year’s Eve drunken “ mistake” rather than the ongoing affair that people often associate with cheating.

NameChangeNugget · 06/03/2019 14:47

I think you need to speak to him about your concerns.

There was a post on her yesterday, where it was two girls kissing and the replies were completely different... Hmm

MumsyJ · 06/03/2019 14:47

Poor you OP, you need to address this. It's out in the open, the proof is in the blimming photo.

And yes, I second the STI test. Flowers

MrMeSeeks · 06/03/2019 14:48

Sorry but a kiss is still cheating Hmm
I’d be gutted too op

VietnameseCrispyFish · 06/03/2019 14:52

Ohyesiam But I think if OP was someone who didn’t consider kissing to be cheating she probably wouldn’t be upset enough to post here about it? Or she’d say she didn’t mind kissing I think.

Cheating and an affair are very separate things to me, but I appreciate not everyone is as bothered about the former.

MIA12 · 06/03/2019 14:52

I only looked on the page because I’ve been having suspicions he is cheating and my gut told me something was wrong.

And you were spot on. Definitely don’t have a baby with this man. I also agree you should get an STD check.

Moralitym1n1 · 06/03/2019 14:55

As in snogging?

Your instincts are probably right.

Can you snoop to see if there's anything else to back this up?

Get an sti check to set mind at rest.

Sounds like a massive bullet dodged, more like a ballistic missile dodged.

Let some other poor fkr be his beard.

Original poster
Wtfishappeningrn · 06/03/2019 15:02

I’ve saved the photo, and screenshotted it on the Facebook page with the page name/date etc uploaded. I’m in complete shock. Going to book an sti test today.

Hollowtalk - had no idea he had any interest in men before seeing this photo. He has several gay friends who I’ve met and he is happy for me to be around.

Definitely won’t be having a baby with him based on this, I know it might seem like it could have been a drunken kiss but I know there’s more to it, wether with this man or someone else. So many other red flags (becoming protective of his phone, taking it into the bathroom with him etc) which have been playing on my mind recently. But I genuinely thought we were in love and could possibly get through it. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Wtfishappeningrn · 06/03/2019 15:04

I’ve looked through the page more and can’t find anything else. Can’t stop opening the photo hoping it’s somehow not him.

OP posts:
ontheup2019 · 06/03/2019 15:06

Maybe make a fake profile on Grindr and look for men his age to see if he's on there too?! With that said you have more than enough evidence to leave the relationship of you want to. Sorry OP Thanks

HollowTalk · 06/03/2019 15:19

I would dump this guy. You had suspicions he was cheating, he was gaslighting you over this, then you discovered the picture proving you were right.

That would be the end for me.

PissOffPeppa · 06/03/2019 16:40

If you’d stumbled upon this photo and had had no concerns in the past, then maybe you could give him the benefit of the doubt.

But you already had your suspicions. I’m sorry but this photo seems to prove you were correct Flowers

MsDogLady · 06/03/2019 17:06

I am sorry that you’ve had such a terrible shock.

He has publicly cheated on you. The fact that it was New Years is irrelevant. Kissing is kissing. Cheating is cheating.

If he is bi-sexual and never informed you, he took away your choice to be with a heterosexual man.