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Relationships

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Original poster

Does anybody agree with me that it is easier to remain single?

40 replies

PollyPelargonium52 · 06/03/2019 05:54

Hi all. I resurrected an old thread in AIBU but it didn't generate any response. To my mind it is so much easier single, whether we are raising children or not.

I am raising my ds who is nearly 14 and although a temporary handful with moods it is still a simpler life than taking somebody on.

I don't find single parent that bad either. I have been doing this years and it is easier than coping with relationships if you ask me.

I do get rather tired of the occasional pitying comment from people who assume I must be lonely and cannot possibly enjoy being on my own. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I mention I am fine it is like they can scarcely believe me.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Sally2791 · 06/03/2019 06:01

It's the Disney fairytale vision of perfect coupledom. In reality it's much easier and more pleasant to be single than in a relationship just for the sake of being with someone.

Mmmmbrekkie · 06/03/2019 06:04

I’m a singer working parent
Very busy
Yes bring sibgje is “easier” and I enjoy it and I have no interest or intention (or time) to pursue a relationship for next few years.

Do I want to be single for the rest of my life because it is “easier”? Hell no

Frecklesonmyarm · 06/03/2019 06:05

Swings and round abouts

I am a single parent. It's hard, but I wouldn't get into a relationships just to relieve that.

In fact, I didn't go looking for a relationship. I am in one, but I didn't look for it. I met him at a social gathering, we got on and it went from there.

I dont find our relationship particularly hard. But I have found relationships very hard in the past. After those I have very much enjoyed being single.

Even in a relationship though theres ups and downs. Theres great things about having a good relationship and occasionally has it downsides. Sometimes when I am with dp, I wish I could have time on my own instead. But we have learnt to just say that.

Being single definitely has its advantages as well. And its occasionally downsides.

I haven't ever really gone looking for a relationship, because I am happy being single. All my partners have been friends first and developed from there.

If me and dp didn't work out, Ibwouldnt actively seek another relationship and enjoy being single.

Milomonster · 06/03/2019 06:16

Been divorced a year and single parenthood is definitely easier, calmer, more fulfilling than in the difficult marriage I was in. I realize how emotionally drained I was in my marriage and now I’m free to work on myself. I do miss companionship and would love to be in a relationship again but this is my time now, I think. I tried OLD for a year and it was useful but not for me.

Phillipa12 · 06/03/2019 06:18

Ive been separated/divorced now for 3 years and have 3dc age10, 5 and 3. Some people, and its the ones who dont really know me always ask if there is a man on the scene or if im looking and look slightly horrified when i say no and im not interested, for some reason i cant possibly be happy unless i have a boyfriend! My friends however know that even though im a very busy single mum i am also the happiest they have ever seen me. I enjoy my dc, but i also enjoy my own company when dc are with their dad. Having a partner does not complete me and if i happened to stay single till the day i die i would be perfectly content with that.

Hoggytat · 06/03/2019 06:24

Being a lone single parent is very hard. I'm solely responsible for finances for myself and my children and I worry what would happen if I had an accident which meant I couldn't work. I also know if I die my DCs life will be totally upended not just because of grief but because they'll lose their home, school and friends too.

Emotionally there's no sounding board for decisions I need to take it someone to help me if I'm poorly or share the cooking and cleaning burden.

There's also no other adult to laugh and have fun with either.

So no it's not easy being single with children.

That said the year I had to spent with ExH getting me ducks in a row knowing he was having affairs and enduring him treating me and the DCs like shit was also hard. Some if the above stuff I mentioned as a single parent was covered yet there were other things that were hard that I don't have to deal with now.

Comparing apples and oranges really. If you're insisting on boiling relationships down then I would say best worst scenarios with DCs: (best-worst)

Strong healthy relationship with DCs
Single parent with DCs
Difficult relationship with DCs
Abiusive relationship with DCs

As for being single without DCs I guess how hard the person finds it will depend on their individual character and circumstances.

boredboredboredboredbored · 06/03/2019 06:27

I've had this very conversation with myself recently. Been divorced for 3 years now, have 2 dc aged 15 & 14. Was happy being single, financially independent, own home, kids doing great etc then I met someone. Been dating him for 18 months now and whilst most of it has been great we do have our bad days.

This weekend we argued and I thought is it really worth the hassle? The answer for me right now is yes. I get more out of this relationship than I ever did with my ex, he mostly makes me very happy. I know though if this doesn't work out I would not be in a hurry to meet anybody for a very long time.

Hoggytat · 06/03/2019 06:28

Thinking about it I've ranked in terms of situation I'd prefer to be in rather than how easy the situation is.

Bottom line is life is hard regardless of your circumstances

boredboredboredboredbored · 06/03/2019 06:29

Also as my dc are getting older and with their Dad alt weekends I have far more time on my hands than 5 years ago. Another 4 and they'll both be at Uni.

Original poster

PollyPelargonium52 · 06/03/2019 06:30

Some interesting views here. Pleased it is not just me.

OP posts:

pissedonatrain · 06/03/2019 06:31

Much easier. Much happier

todayiwin · 06/03/2019 06:42

100% agree with you

Takeapolaroid · 06/03/2019 07:02

I did have a few relationships when I first separated but it was very difficult around the children so easier on my own.

I have started thinking about when I reach retirement age though. My parents are elderly and have always been independent but in the last six months they have both become ill and frail but they can stay in their home because they have each other and muddle through. If one of them was on their own, they could not survive. So now I’m thinking what would happen to me?

Al2O3 · 06/03/2019 07:27

I think it just depends on the other person!

NameChangeNugget · 06/03/2019 07:30

I think if you’re with the right person, I disagree

ShatnersWig · 06/03/2019 08:19

Easier? Financially it is often much less easy.

Original poster

PollyPelargonium52 · 06/03/2019 11:50

I think if we can learn to live within our means wherever possible then it isn't too crippling financially. I go easy on prinking and preening the home for example. A lot of it is unfinished. I am doing two rooms a year (paying the decorator). Anyway I enjoy scrimping as I get a kick out of it.

OP posts:

EthelHornsby · 06/03/2019 11:54

Much easier - would not have wanted a relationship while bringing up my kids, now I haven’t got the energy or the inclination.

MrsHedgeLegs · 06/03/2019 12:01

I’ve been married then divorced & now married again. One of the happiest times in my life was when I was a single parent. I sometimes envy single parents as it is easier as some men act like children themselves. My current husband doesn’t work, doesn’t do any housework & is harder work than the children.

Lllot5 · 06/03/2019 12:41

I’m finding it easier. Worse off financially but really that’s all I miss. My children are all adults now so not a single parent in as much as I have to look after them. I can not imagine getting involved with someone else I really don’t see the point.

Slowknitter · 06/03/2019 12:48

It depends. My life would definitely not be easier if I were single, as I have a great marriage to a supportive, easy-going dh who earns more than me. But I've seen enough on the Relationships board to make me 100% sure that if anything happened to dh, I would not be looking for another partner. It seems the good ones are few and far between.

bringincrazyback · 06/03/2019 12:50

I love my DH and wouldn't be without him, but if we were ever to separate, I wouldn't look for another relationship. I'm very introverted and get exhausted by the constant compromises a relationship (quite reasonably) entails.

I had a week away on my own recently and absolutely loved the sheer simplicity of not having to take anyone else into account. I know that's really selfish, but my day-to-day life involves constant compromises on virtually everything and I'm such a solitary person that a week of no people was absolute heaven. It also reminded me that I'm way better suited to living alone than with other people.

Wenttoseainasieve · 06/03/2019 12:54

I disagree. My and my DH don't 'cope' with one another. I think he's amazing, he thinks I'm amazing. We are a good and harmonious team. We make each other's lives easier for sure.

I imagine being single is far better than being in a shit relationship though.

WhatWouldDavinaDo · 06/03/2019 12:56

I’m enjoying being a single parent & seeing my boyfriend 2 or 3 evenings a week.

Best of both worlds IMO - do want a boyfriend, don’t want a “partner” I.e. share finances, house, kids etc.

Lavavase · 06/03/2019 12:56

I've never found it hard at all to be in a couple with my husband or to live with him. I did live alone before moving in with him and while I enjoyed the experience I prefer our life together a lot more. I remember worrying before we moved in together that we might drive each other crazy but its been great. I do think we have been lucky though and thatvit very much depends on the two people involved. I had a few boyfriends in the past and if I had ended up with any of them I don't think it would have worked out so well. Like everything in life luck has a bigger hand than we often appreciate. I've not had a lot of luck elsewhere in my life but I've been lucky in love.

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