Does anybody agree with me that it is easier to remain single?

[PollyPelargonium52]

Hi all. I resurrected an old thread in AIBU but it didn't generate any response. To my mind it is so much easier single, whether we are raising children or not.

I am raising my ds who is nearly 14 and although a temporary handful with moods it is still a simpler life than taking somebody on.

I don't find single parent that bad either. I have been doing this years and it is easier than coping with relationships if you ask me.

I do get rather tired of the occasional pitying comment from people who assume I must be lonely and cannot possibly enjoy being on my own. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I mention I am fine it is like they can scarcely believe me.

Any thoughts?

Oh definitely in some ways it’s preferable. I often think to myself that if it ended between me and my OH I don’t think I would bother with doing the who thing over again with someone else. Certainly I know I’d never live with anyone again fulltime.

There are wonderful things about being in a close relationship and if it’s good it really is lovely. But there are many very good and lovely things about being alone, too.

Should say single, really, as being single doesn’t necessarily mean one is alone.

Well it depends on your focus.

In my opinion, people who claim that children don't need both parents, and that being a single parent is just as good, are talking bollocks and only voicing that opinion because they are trying to justify their own situation.

I have never met a child who didn't want a happy, caring, mother and father.
Obviously all those people who were raised by both parents are missing out on something.

But from a selfish focus, then yes, it is easier doing it alone. If you have enough money. Alone, you dont have to consider other peoples opinion.

In my opinion, people who claim that children don't need both parents, and that being a single parent is just as good, are talking bollocks and only voicing that opinion because they are trying to justify their own situation.

Judgemental much?

It's interesting that so many of us who are in happy relationships feel we would stay single if anything happened to our current DP/DH. That's exactly how I feel, I don't think I'd get so lucky twice!

I agree.. I've been single 18 months, and yes there are times I miss that close intimacy with someone.. but not the sex. I miss the cuddles and laughter and just.. warmth of being at ease with someone.

I've a lot of online friends who I talk to regularly, a couple I've got quite a close attachment to, but live so far away (another country entirely) that I know nothing will ever come of it.

I think i'd be happy with friends with benefits over another relationship tbh.

Confusedfornow, thats something we all do as humans create a narrative about our lives to give us a sense of control and to create an illusion of choice when most of us are just trying to make the best of what life throws at us. Coupled up or single we all tell ourselves a story about our lives to help us cope and survive.

I agree about staying single if I anything happened to my husband. I'm in my 40s now and I also think I wouldn't be so lucky twice.

My children are adults now. I can make my decisions about my life based purely on what I want and what’s nicest for me.

It’s great.

And many, many children are much better off, much happier and secure and healthy in a single parent household than they would be with their particular other parent being there.

It’s ‘easier’ for me in the sense that being in a traditional, monogamous relationship which followed the “escalator” pattern (date, get more serious, start spending most of your time together, move in together etc) and where there was always some element of being answerable to my partner was a round hole to my square peg; and finding partners who are genuinely interested in and happy with the alternative I’d want is difficult.

I couldn’t live the way many of my friends in relationships do. I like to do as I please and not have to check in with a partner about it - whether that be go out on a Friday night and not return until Sunday, take a spontaneous holiday with a friend, spend time doing my hobbies, or just go for a run at 3am. I don’t like to compromise. It’s far ‘easier’ for me to remain single and do most of what I want most of the time with my life and have a handful of FWBs.

I don’t want DC, I’m financially secure, and I have a brilliant social network. If those things weren’t the case, I suspect that single wouldn’t be as easy a choice, though.

I've been single for coming up 5 years since divorcing exh and I love it. However my ex does have a great relationship with our DS and has regular contact so I do get a break and time to socialise with friends.

I'm not closed off to the idea of a boyfriend but I don't ever want to fully share my life with anyone again. I don't want to live with a man, share finances and see him every day.

Agree with BitchQueen totally.

My DH has a good relationship with DD, but, I wouldn't live with him or anyone else again (Not divorced but live separately).

I could consider a boyfriend maybe in the future... only maybe TBH.

It's such a hassle.

But have to add he supports me, I am very lucky.

I get Sundays free.

I think it's down to the person themselves

If you find the 'right one' and all that.

From my own experience I can honestly say life was harder alone then with my now hubby. He helps with everything cleaning / cooking / bills / and helps me mentally I need him to mentally calm me down after a rather crap day at work and a horrendous drive home. But Like I said I think it's diiferent with everyone and is more about the kind of person you are.

Some people are naturally independent and strive at life been alone.

Me, Nope. Needy as hell and need a lot of cuddles and motivation to get me through the day.