Why haven’t I met him yet? 35 :(

[Anotherdate11]

Just that really.

I like to think I’m pretty ‘normal.’ I don’t think I come across needy, men tend to want to see me again when they’ve seen me once. I lose interest.

Desperately want a family but not on my own.

Only one in my friendship group (and everywhere else I look) without that someone in life that’s your safe place, happy place (at least mostly, I know it’s not plain sailing).

Any advice would be wonderful. Feeling low.

What makes you lose interest?

Not sure, all sorts of things really, mainly if I feel I can’t have good conversations with them or I feel they have little interest in things or in learning. That’s really important to me.

I did meet someone recently that I really liked but ironically he didn’t seem as keen as all the others, although he does want to meet again.

Just feel quite sad that it doesn’t seem to have worked with anyone. I give people a chance and see them a few times and try to be open minded.

I know you say that you don't come across as needy but you've got at least two threads about this and on your threads you do give the impression of being a bit desperate to settle down (which may or may not come across in real life)

It won't happen until it happens, you can't predict this!

All your "happily paired off or married" friends will probably start divorcing soon anyway.

Meeting someone special doesn't guarantee you a happy and safe place as they can up and leave at any time or equally you can decide you want to.

You seem to have emotionally invested a lot in finding someone and settling down etc but there's more to life! Be busy, have fun, fill your life with friends/activities/volunteering/holidays/acquiring new skills etc as when you meet that special person they might suddenly take up all your time (apart from anything else it makes you more interesting to talk to/date)

I can’t imagine meeting anyone through dating - takes me ages to have feelings for someone, everyone I’ve ever been with has been a friend first. I’d get to as many social events for things you’re interested in as possible, spend time with friends and their friends, take up a new hobby like dancing or a sport.

rain thanks for your reply. I have done a LOT of fun single stuff. I’ve done it to death. I’m so so so bored of it.

It is possible I come across as needy, I guess I can’t know for sure how people see me. But all I can say is most men say I don’t seem fussed about setting down (to which I say I am but only with the right person) and that I am quite relaxed about meeting up.

some people say you don’t know what’s round the corner, others say you have to look for it and it won’t come to your door.

Just completely fed up. There is nothing fun about being single when you’ve done absolutely everything possible as a single person that you’d want to do.

The things is, me and dp are different and have different interests.

I am always reading. He finds books boring. He loves football and I hate it. He would rather be in the garden working at the weekend. I would rather go for a walk then sit in the house and read. We both ket the other do what they want and compromise. He wont spend all weekend working in the garden, I wont spend it all reading or walking the dog. I will go sit in the garden or help him out. He will come for a walk with me.

I have a professional role and am very career driven. Dp has a job, not a career and is happy where he is for the rest of his life.

However, we get on. We laugh, usually at eachother. He is very supportive of me. We love eachother very much.

Why it so important that have to want to learn? And learn what?

Are you sure you aren't just writing men off because they dont fit this set criteria.

There are other singletons out there too OP and it is tough! Hi from one!

Got to say, I didn't start dating my other half till I was 36/37 ish. He was someone Is met10 years earlier at work, he was married at that time but had subsequently separated and divorced. We are now one of those sickening couples that are mad affectionate, call and text each other multiple times a day and I've never been this happy in such a long time. Been together nearly 7 years now and can genuinely see this being a 'rest of our lives' thing. Because we are later in life (lol) we have more financial independence, less insecurities, and just we are happy and settled when maybes some other people we know that did it all earlier, are maybes struggling a bit as they have grown into different people. Don't give up, and don't write anyone off- I wasn't going to go on the first date as he had 3 kids and I wasn't sure I could deal with the 'baggage of the kids plus ex wife. My friend convinced me, and said at worst, it's a coffee and something to eat with someone having a catch up, and costs me an hour of my life lol

I know this sounds like a sickening smug post, but trust me, I had some absolute arsehoke in my life prior to DP, and had given up hope and resigned myself to a single life. It's amazing what life throws at you when you least expect it.

Good luck!

One commonality amongst my long-term single friends is that they all have quite set ideas about what they want. Whilst I understand certain non-negotiables (for example I couldn’t date someone who didn’t work), it seems too easy to search for people on dating sites who tick all of your imaginary “perfect” boxes and this seems to discount a lot of people!! I mean requests such as “ he must be able to dance” or “he must like action films” or even one girl who will only date men with a dog!! I mean, what if he’d love a dog but just doesn’t have one yet?! For me it was love at first sight when I met my husband, really and truly. I have to say though, I’d never have picked him online because we’re sodofferent! I can’t think of anywhere we’d have met if I hadn’t bumped into him when I did. Try to be more open to daring outside your box.

It’s great to love learning, I worked in education for a couple of decades but what do you do to have a laugh? because the one thing that keeps couples together is laughing together.

I have no idea if you come across as desperate, but you come across as serious in your post.

@Anotherdate11 you sound desperate for a relationship, not something appealing. Try looking for fun first if you insist on dating apps

I really don’t think any dates would have called me desperate, it was always them asking for more dates and wanting to move things along.

Although I can have a laugh I am certainly quite serious and that is definitely something to consider: never really thought about the impact of that and why I don’t progress things

Do you want kids? If not, then you probably shouldn't worry too much. By the sound of it you may be the sort of person who is more content than most to be on your own people.

I really want kids and want to do that with someone. Ok on my own but never wanted that over being with someone.

Ah ok that makes more sense then. If you're 35 then I think you need to decide about whether you would rather do it alone then never do it and formulate a plan. If a bloke comes along in the meantime or after then fine but even if you met a bloke tomorrow, he might not want kids or you might have fertility issues etc

Prioritise and plan

Plus if you're online dating profile says "no kids" and "want kids" and that you're 35 that might already put too much pressure on for some men

hi @Anotherdate11

believe it or not, i know exactly how you feel. I was single for years, watching all my friends pair off, procreate, and be ridiculously happy while i just kept on going on innumerable first dates with so many 'nice' and 'not nice' men.

I was so lonely at times I would sob on the bus all the way home facing the prospect of another solo dinner, tv watching and going to bed alone. I felt crazy for being so unhappy when in all other aspects my life was so good - made money, lived in an amazing city, had wonderful friends etc etc.

But - wanting love and companionship is normal! It's perfectly fine to say you want a life partner, and children. I wouldn't feel bad about that.

I felt strongly that I had to take matters into my own hands - I was 35 and felt very much like you. I always recommend this book on Mumsnet although it's viewed with horror by a lot of posters, but honestly, it changed my life.

[[https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?tag=mumsnetforum-21&url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=the+new+rules The New Rules]]

There are several versions, but this is the most up to date and deals with online dating, texting etc. I also recommend the original as it deals more with the self aspect - how to be kind and loving to yourself as you embark on this journey.

Feel free to message me or ask questions on here, i will do my best to help.

PS I met my husband at 36, married within 2 years after a 4.5 month engagement. We are so very happy and feel so lucky to have found each other. I am 38 and we are trying for a baby this year. So take heart, it can and will happen 100%!

I met DH at 35 - now at 40, nearly 41 we are married and currently pregnant.
Keep the faith!

When you know you know, we moved in together after 6 weeks, engaged after 4.5 months and married a year later.

Maybe you just don’t actually give anyone a chance?

Thing is you are never going to have the very same interests etc there has to be a compromise somewhere

Learning a new thing is fine if that’s for you but how do you have fun? Life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time.

No perfect partner exisists so keeping looking for that, never give anyone a chance and your not going to meet anyone

The thing is, if you decide people, for example, arent into learning and write them off straight away, you may have cut people off that it could have worked with.

I thought about this thread last night. Dp, who isn't interested in learning or reading or career orientated that much, spent the day building decking. He has done it before, still spent time researching more ways to do stuff, looking at different things he can do etc.

I thought about it and realised he does like learning, but about practical things.

I absolutely love learning about history and have no interest in learning to building decking. That doesnt mean we arent compatible. Just different interests.

I wouldn't have had him down to the type to want to actively learn. But it just has to e something he is interested in. I have been with him a while.

Its sounds like you write people off quite quickly

Please don’t give up hope!

I met my absolutely wonderful husband at 34, I’m now 36 and have our beautiful 4 week old son sleeping on my lap.

I never thought I’d meet the right person and get this chance. Happier than I’ve ever been.

I met DH through online dating.