Sexless marriage

[somersetdad116]

Im a newcomer here but after a google search about it lead me to this site i thought i would post.

Im a dad to a beautiful 7 year old girl and married to my gorgeous wife for 3 years now and been together 9 years this year. We have a nice house both work and should have everything going for us, we go on holidays and from the outside we look like we are in a great relationship, but there is a massive elephant in the room with us at all times, BUT we are in a sexless marriage.

It was only after googling and doing some research i realised how i may not be alone in my situation, We at best seem to have sex 6-8 times a year and then it is always initiated by me or we have had a argument about the lack of it before hand and it seems to be a chore and not really enjoyed.

I am very open person and will ask my wife what we can do and explain to her just how it makes me feel and that it is almost like we are brother/sister rather than husband and wife i have suggested counciling and maybe seeing doctors. I really do feel so bad as it almost makes me feel worthless i wouldnt say im bad looking and my wife assures me that its not that she doesnt fancy me but my self confidence is at a all time low, even though i have lost weight and got more in shape than ever there is still no interest from her.

I feel bad for even putting this in writing but dont have anyone i could confide in.

OP if she isn't interested in working on it just leave. Affairs will do more harm than a divorce.

She’s given you no indication that she wants things to change. The balls in your court.

I have this issue but currently im not into it. The problem i have is that my husband has become very lazy and i struggle to find his laziness attractive. Not only that but i had a traumatic birth to our child not that long ago which has left me really not feeling like a sexual being anymore
I second the counselling as hopefully it can get to the root of what is making your wife not want sex and help you make a plan together

@Hopoindown31 I didn't phrase that very well. What I meant is that I can't even imagine having a sexual desire that strong that I would be off looking for some random to have sex with. I have never had that high a libido that I want/need sex like that.

This thread has taken me by surprise a bit. Reading this thread you wouldn't believe that the OP wife is a human being with feelings, worries, concerns, worth or value. She is being talked about like an object that has been malfunctioning and now has stopped providing a service by some of the male posters on here! To the posters on here, not the OP, who sounded respectful and generally concerned for his wife, but the others, some of you seem very self serving, are you like that in bed also? If your wife seems to be avoiding wanting intimacy there will be some responsibility on your shoulders. Entitlement isn't a turn on, if you write about your wives like an object that should be providing you with sex, are you making her feel that way too? To men who talk about the lack of sex in their marriage, what would happen if your wife was in an accident and could no longer provide you with what you wanted, it sounds like you would leave her! Nice!
OP What ever has happened that has caused your wife to want to avoid intimacy needs respecting and dealt with sensitively.
To mens everywhere, try thinking about your wives and partners, rather than your own needs. A man who is selfless, generous, caring and considerate as a lover is the biggest turn on for women, believe me.

Leave, it gets no better it's more than likely going to get worse!
I was in your shoes for the past 10 years. Sex every other month, yet I wanted it every other day!
In the end I didn't have to leave as he had an affair. A sexless one apparently, laughable I know.
But I realised I wasted many years in a sexless marriage and would never settle for that again.

Interestingly I had a former partner who was selfless, generous, caring and considerate as a liver. He had previously left a sexless marriage after 10 years of struggling at the end of the relationship.

Just because a man or woman has all those attributes doesn’t mean anything if the other partner isn’t interested. It maybe that they just don’t click sexually anymore in the partners eyes and the most considerate lover may not be a turn on

crumbnugget, you seem to have ignored all the women saying the same thing.

deydododatdodontdeydo I wasn't ignoring them, I was just addressing the male posters as the OP is male and his issue was from the male side. Some women have also posted similar yes, but it seems my point about OP wife being talked about as if she was a malfunctioning object has been ignored, as has my point about a person not being able to provide sexual services if they became disabled.
I don't think this thread is for me, so I will take my people should't be objectified opinion away and let you all continue to feel robbed unjustly and talk about leaving your partners because you don't get enough sex. Good luck OP, I hope you find some help from the posts in this thread.

I totally feel for your situation, I am a 40 year old woman and in a sexless marriage, everything after birth of beautiful DD has come to a head after DH was burying his head about it all, it has been going on for 12 years as together 15, it has destroyed me as a woman and I lost all my confidence and felt so rejected, it led me to have a casual fling and now that is over I am struggling to get over this OM I ended it because of the guilt but I still crave what we had as he gave me everything DH couldn’t give me and I fear I will never get again, he knew I was vulnerable and never pressurised me but I became caught up in craving something I had not had for years and I became alive again, it’s left me broken hearted and depressed, in reality I should have addressed the main issue in may marriage and not done what I have done as it’s made everything much worse for me mentally, so please address the situation as you do not want to be some faced with the situation I have found myself in and it will happen as temptation will be there when you are feeling so rejected and your confidence is lost, I wish you all the best as know it’s so hard to confront