I’ve been ghosted 3 times in the last 6 months! Please help

[Sparkless]

I honestly feel so low!
I’ve had loads of interest (totally not being big headed) - it felt great!!
I’m in my early 30’s and would love to fall in love 🥰.
But 3 men I had been dating (not at the same time) all just disappeared.
Ok so 2 of the men -were interested but it wasn’t clear whether it was going to lead to a relationship.
However the 3rd man was amazing! Messaged me everyday asking how my day was. He seemed really keen, he had discussed a relationship and future together. Talked about having family holidays together etc. He made it clear that’s what he wanted.
I felt on top of the world but still was taking my time getting to know him.
Until poof! Nothing! He just has stopped messaging me. Just like the other 2
My self-esteem has taking a bashing and I’m not sure what I’m going to get out of this chat but I just wanted to talk to someone.
I mean is it me?
Has this happened to anyone else?
I just feel disrespected, deceived and a bit violated.
Not sure anyone can help with that but just feel like I need someone to talk to.
Thanks xx

I've had this OP it's basically shitty people not being honest. I truly believe in this modern time of OLD it's so easy and quick to just "move on to the next one"

No, it's him and not you!
But please beware of 'love bombing' and 'future faking'
This is what he has done and it's all the start of weird and abusive relationship.
You've had a lucky escape.

How long were you together? Had you made solid plans and met each others' families? When was the last time you saw him?
Too many people mistake stopping speaking with ghosting. You haven't been ghosted if it was just messages so that's something at least. It isn't personal. He'll have got back with an ex or met someone in real life most probably. Don't take it as a reflection on yourself.

How long were you actually going out with no 3?

This is quite common in OLD . It's not you it is them BUT number 3 sounds like a twat . I had 4 ghostings in 3 months - 3 were guys who suggested meeting up again after a first date then just disappeared ( no manners ) and 1 disappeared before we even met after him arranging it . Their loss !

It sounds like you didn't even meet number 3?

Fine of thumb:

Men who talk about the future and are intense in their communications from the outset are more likely to ghost than those who are moderate and less flashy with their devotions.

Do you tend to be more attracted to, and therefore to attract, men who are more full on, OP?

Firstly - and most importantly - these people's shit behaviour is not your fault OP. Modern dating makes people more likely to be selfish unfortunately. Anyone rude enough to ghost someone is not someone you would want in your life.

Anyone would feel horrible about this - but can you ask yourself did you perhaps ignore red flags/ signs this third guy was not what he seemed?

How well did you know him?

*Rule

1/ did you actually meet him?

2/ he probably does want all those things but hasn't found the right person yet

3/ anybody who talks about future stuff with you specifically, when you've just met, take with a pinch of salt...how can you know you want a future with a stranger? Rational thought is your friend 😉

OLD has been a game changer and not for the better.

It’s like a sweet shop for men.

After a year of OLD, I’ve deleted the app. I was going nowhere relative to the time invested. I feel so much better. It’s a massive headfuck even with thick skin. Perhaps give it a break for a bit and come back with a fresh perspective.

I think a lot of this is down to these men being in relationships already.

Many are having their cake and eating it, getting full before moving onto their next victim opportunity to cheat. Some are dipping in and out of OLD as they get caught by partners at home too.

Whatever it is, it's not you. I don't think OLD is the best way to meet someone for meaningful relationships. Why not join a social club or something instead?

I was ghosted after a pleasant date on Friday. How hard is it to send the ‘had fun but no spark for me, good luck’ text ffs?!??

Judging from my experience over the past year, I have no idea how people get a relationship off the ground through OLD. I’m in my early 40s and guys at this age seem really tricky.

Because your self Esteem is low (totally understandable) you're not choosing correctly. Also and this is a reflection on you being a nice trusting person you're perhaps a little naive. I say this because it reminds me of my dating experiences. I was going on the wrong things,judging apparently great men on the wrong things. Most of them were utter idiots and I always ended up upset and miffed.
One was a drug dealer who went to prison (the BMW with tinted windows didn't drop the penny for me) another had two young kids he failed to mention.....another one preferred men... I was exhausted. I'm a nice girl ffs. You're not alone.

I took two years off dating so I didn't rely on wanting or needing a relationship in that time I really thought about what I wanted/needed and what I wouldn't stand for. I also began to date guys who weren't in my normal criteria..... Best decision ever!

Think about the maturity of the men you've dated. If you had a crisis could you call them up at 4am?

On to the next one, OP. You've been unlucky. Be wary about "too much too soon" - those guys (and gals) are fickle.

He seemed really keen, he had discussed a relationship and future together. Talked about having family holidays together etc. He made it clear that’s what he wanted.

How long had you been seeing him?

I would immediately have my shackles up if someone started talking like that "immediately".

It's not normal - stuff like that should grow organically as you progress along with the relationship in my view.

Sorry you've gone through this OP. Ghosting seems to be the modern way of the coward's way out.

I'm in the club too (old friends, just gone awol), it's horrible.

Hey thanks everyone
I had been dating no. 3, he gave me his number when I was out with my kids and he was out with his child, I called him and it went from there.
It was full on from the get go! But I just thought he was really keen, he was just out of a relationship and said he hadn’t been on many dates.
I slept with him. I really let my guard down.
He kept messaging me loads but kept finding it difficult to meet and was late on a few occasions, he liked to meet at the beginning of week.
So really in hindsight your right he may be hiding s relationship but why lie and why goes to those lengths to give me his number at a kids thing.
Your right he might have been love bombing to get me into bed - and it worked!!
I’m so naive!
I honestly can’t cope, is there any decent men out there girls??!!
I’m sorry to hear that it’s happened to some of you as well - it’s really crap to not respect someone enough to just say you don’t want to meet again.

"But I just thought he was really keen, he was just out of a relationship and said he hadn’t been on many dates" That's a massive red flag right there. There are loads of decent men out there but you need to get your dickhead radar in working order. Anyone super full on at the very start is also a red flag, in fact most of what you've written has red flags wafting all over the place.

I've been a victim of ghosting too and started a thread earlier about my lack of luck OLD. Is honesty too much to ask for?

I think it's just too easy to be a coward with OLD and too easy to move onto the next person.

I was messaging a guy a few days ago on Tinder, he seemed nice (he messaged first), we seemed to have a lot in common, he asked if I fancied a chat that evening, I said yes and he disappeared! I sent one more message just in case, he didn't reply so I unmatched him as I can't be dealing with immature game players.

I came off OLD for 3 months around Xmas time for all these reasons and felt so much better. I thought i'd give it another go a week ago as I would like to meet someone but I don't think it's going to happen through OLD.

It seems to be a means of an ego boost for many - how many likes/matches/messages can I get?

Online dating is a sweetie shop and it’s so easy to find a better offer and move on to the next.

Some weirdos and liars do exist so you need a thick skin, if your lacking confidence online dating isn’t for you right now.

Of course many decent men are out there, you just have weed out the bad guys first.

Remeber it’s all bullshit until it actually happens

Thanks,

I wasn’t online dating, he gave me his phone number the old fashioned way and just asked me to call. At a kids event aswell. So he seemed legitimate.
God honestly if that’s not legit then I don’t know what is, I’ve really lost all faith!

Userxx thanks, I honestly thought him being keen and full on was a good thing. He was seemed so chuffed that I got in touch with him. Then he was saying things like ‘you and me just work on so many levels’ - so I’m guessing I should be wary if they are the other end of the scale and full on???

Going to have watch all these red flags!

Keen and very full on when you are strangers is a bad thing

Often being late is a bad thing

Finding it difficult to meet and only meeting up early in the week is a bad thing

When I was dating I always tended to find that when they were that full on in the early stages, things always flatlined soon after. In hindsight I can see it wasn't me, it was them. I don't understand why some people behave like this, it's a weird pattern but it's not you, it's them, so try not to feel too dispirited.