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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’ve been ghosted 3 times in the last 6 months! Please help

35 replies

Sparkless · 05/03/2019 11:18

I honestly feel so low!
I’ve had loads of interest (totally not being big headed) - it felt great!!
I’m in my early 30’s and would love to fall in love 🥰.
But 3 men I had been dating (not at the same time) all just disappeared.
Ok so 2 of the men -were interested but it wasn’t clear whether it was going to lead to a relationship.
However the 3rd man was amazing! Messaged me everyday asking how my day was. He seemed really keen, he had discussed a relationship and future together. Talked about having family holidays together etc. He made it clear that’s what he wanted.
I felt on top of the world but still was taking my time getting to know him.
Until poof! Nothing! He just has stopped messaging me. Just like the other 2
My self-esteem has taking a bashing and I’m not sure what I’m going to get out of this chat but I just wanted to talk to someone.
I mean is it me?
Has this happened to anyone else?
I just feel disrespected, deceived and a bit violated.
Not sure anyone can help with that but just feel like I need someone to talk to.
Thanks xx

OP posts:
MIA12 · 06/03/2019 15:31

Firstly it’s not you, it’s them.

Some men are terrible communicators and would rather say nothing than risk saying something that would upset you. Or they are already in a relationship so are used to treating people without respect or kindness.

As horrible as it feels now, with time you’ll realise that you wouldn’t want someone as spineless as that in your life anyway. I’ve been ghosted and feel almost repulsed at the cowardice of them. Once you get over the shock of it, you realise you actually don’t want anything else to do with them knowing they could do that.

Sparkless · 06/03/2019 15:36

He kept asking me if I told my friends about the guy who gave you his number.
He asked me to drunk message him when I was out with my friends and we had only been on one date.
He gave me lifts places as he knew I never had been given lifts places before.
He went a bought me a love heart chocolate on our 3rd date.
I’ve looked up love bombing and thus sounds similar but he didn’t want to meet up all the time like it says but he messaged everyday.
Do you think this is love bombing?
And that this is something we should all be watching out for??

OP posts:
filka · 06/03/2019 15:40

@userxx " you need to get your dickhead radar in working order" is about right

Have a read through the blogs on lalalaletmeexplain.com/ for lots of IRL examples of ghosting and red flags.

After you've read some of these you'll think that three times is nothing...

SweetRosie92 · 06/03/2019 17:38

I am so sorry OP. I hear about this happening to a lot of lovely ladies. Honestly I think it is having sex too soon. This is not a mistake with all men, just certain "types". That come on a little strong. Sadly I know a lot of guys like this, they see a desirable woman and want to see if they can get her in the sack, as a game to satisfy their ego and then they move on to the next. It happens to the best of us.

Or he could have been distracted by someone or something, or decided he wanted to date a blonde and not a red head, who knows. Some men can be such odd, shallow creatures when it comes to women and dating. Please don't take it personally, I hope next time - and there will be a next time - you manage to have a wonderful time and don't worry at all about sex unless you really really want to.

TwixBix1 · 06/03/2019 21:33

Hi OP,
Dating isn't how it used to be - it's easier than ever to get exposed to huge pools of available women via O.L.D and they'll throw the bait out there to chat to the ones they're somewhat interested in - though usually to multiple people (as we all do to improve our chances i.e cast a wide net), they'll continue chatting with them all until one they really "like" (which doesn't mean love but it could be something more sinister like a woman with tons of cash or even simply convenience e.g. lives more locally to them or has a "simpler" backstory (no kids, etc) whom they presumably zone into, by which time you get ghosted. They profess feelings before to you as if the other person might not have come along, they might have pursued you.

Alternatively, they are not serious about meeting anyone on there as they're already in a relationship or like being single but do the whole chat romance thing just to stroke their ego and reinforce that they can have anyone they want.

I've seen that a lot of them will initiate conversation repeatedly, keep complimenting me, etc but when it comes to meeting up, they either postpone it multiple times or are hazy about setting an actual date and time to meet... which I found unexpected (would make more sense if they did that after meeting, etc) so feels like they get scared when it comes to actually meeting as they'll still continue having endless text and phone convos (or perhaps they're not single)..

By the way, I am not anything terrible (mid-20s, told I'm pretty, quite well established in career, etc) and these men aren't anywhere near perfect lol so it's very unlikely to be that you're not worthy.. more that you're just unlucky with the ones you come across but it's fairly the norm now with internet dating.

Sparkless · 07/03/2019 13:38

Thanks everyone,
I’m feeling a bit better today
Chin up!
It’s a shame men do this to us! Xx

OP posts:
userxx · 07/03/2019 14:40

Good for you Sparkles. Just remember men get ghosted and treated like shit too. Some people just aren't decent.

unique1986 · 07/03/2019 14:52

I hate when you have met a few times, unclear if there is chemistry enough for it to progress.
But they stop wanting to meet.
Just own up!

unique1986 · 07/03/2019 14:54

It gets near the weekend and they stop texting..
Don't keep contacting me if you aren't keen enough to keep wanting to meet up.
This is worse than blocking.

Onemansoapopera · 11/03/2019 12:59

Those who say they want a relationship on/before a first date - AVOID

Those who say they don't want a relationship on/before a first date - AVOID

Those who say nothing, expect nothing and just see how it goes with a complete stranger they've just met - NORMAL

This advice is for both men and women.

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