Does it always feel like rape if that's what it is?

[Pinkypie22]

Strange question I know, but just wondering if it's just me. I know that I said repeatedly that I didn't want to, among other things. So surely it's technically rape if they continue. I'm confused because I felt nothing. I shed a few tears but didn't have any real feeling/emotion. I didn't feel scared or panicked. Just kind of accepted what was going to happen. Is this weird? Will it hit me at some point in the future? And is it still rape if he was blind drunk? Mayne that's why I didn't feel anything about it.

My ex of 6 years raped me. I came home drunk after a night out and passed out fully clothed on top of the covers. When I woke up the next morning I was naked, and when I asked why he replied "We had sex but it wasn't very good because you were passed out". It took me a very long time to come to terms with what he did to me.
He continued to abuse me but he would drug my tea and do it while I was asleep. That continued for 2 years.

People like that don't change. They can be remorseful, about the act or just about getting caught. But it will happen again.

My biggest regret is not going to the police. They can keep evidence for up to 6 months I believe so you at least have time to speak to a councillor and process this, and then decide what you want to do.

It isn't your fault, and whatever feeling a you have ARE VALID.

My ex said to me "How do you think it feels for me, to have sex with you knowing you don't want it"
At the time I felt humiliated, numb, trapped, inadequate, responsible and at fault. Some years later, I understood what had been going on, and all I could feel was anger. It took another few years of counselling for me to come to terms with it. Sounds like you have a journey ahead of you @Pinkypie22, do listen to all of the good advice here and take your first step.

It took me months to realise I'd been raped. It never "felt" like what I'd expected it to feel like. I'm so sorry this has happened to you!

Thank you so much for all the support and I'm sorry to hear of all your experiences. There's no point in me reporting as I know the CPS would drop the case. In fact it probably wouldn't even get that far. Reporting more than once means they won't touch the case apparently.

pinky doesn’t mean you can’t leave love.

Can you imagine if your son started behaving like him? Treating his wife they way he treats you? How would you look her in the face? How would you look your grand kids in the face?

It would be awful. Can't even bare the thought of him being like his dad.

His whole attitude is just wrong. Today we had another argument. My fault of course. After he was trying to mess about I think, lighten the mood. He went to grab me as I walked past but he did it too hard and I ended up on the floor. He did immediately say that he hadn't meant to do that. Might have also said sorry. But also said straight away "You did that". Didn't check if I was ok or show any particular concern. I know I have lost all perspective but that seems odd to me

please find out if there is a freedom programme local to you, you can google it (use a private browser)