How to find non vanilla partner?

[MehIAmKnackered]

I've posted this in the Sex topic butim not sure where it fots best, hence putting here too for traffic. I'm so hoping someone has experience of this.

I've been exploring a more kinky side of me for a number of years and have now been single for a few months. I don't think a relationship with someone who can't be the type of non vanilla person I crave for satisfaction will work long term and that's what I want, a long term relationship.

But...How do I go about finding it? I can't exactly trot off to bumble and include in my profile "I am a bratty sub looking for a caregiving dom please to get into my head and my knickers as well as my life". It would be chaos.

But I dont want to go to the heartache of getting into a relationship and then finding that we are totally mismatched in this area. And bringing it up early on just makes people think that's all I'm interested in, when it's really not- just important to me.

Any ideas?

Eek! I'm sorry for all the typos.

Try alt.com

Fetlife?

Come here and I will punish those typing errors. Severely.

Certainly get on fetlife.

And read this:
www.bdsmdatingsites.org/

Starry I'm on fet but find it a bit hard to actually engage with anyone about the other stuff! Yes the kink is important, but so is the rest. Aaargh!

Tesco I've not heard of alt.com, I'll have a little look. Ta!

The dating world appears to be full of people wanting just sex. I can imagine this is more so on sites based on sexual preferences.

My DP and i went through a very bdsm stage. I was certainly more into it than him but he did a pretty good job of indulging me!

Now if i change from missionary position he thinks its his birthday!!

My point being, we went on the journey together. Rather than arrivingat the party and having to look around

Fetlife is a good call. Although you need to make it clear it is a conventional relationship you are after with kink on the side, otherwise you get all kinds of people coming forth.

Affirmatively, you could just try OLD and weedle out the vanilla ones.

I was married to a vanilla guy and it did nothing for me. I embarassingly stuck with him hoping the abuse i received would come out in the bedroom. It never did. He was just a cunt. So be careful on that front.

I'm lucky now that I've found a perfect gentlemen who is the most romantic beautiful gentle person in the world, but will tie me up, choke me and slap my arse till its raw in the bedroom.

Good luck.

Alternatively. Not affirmatively!

I have it on good authority that Fetlife mostly attracts stranger folk who don’t quite fit in anywhere else, sexual preferences aside.

OP I think you’ll be surprised how many RL guys are into exactly what you’re looking for. I wouldn’t advertise that on your bumble but no harm bringing it up in a chat or on a date.

Try fabswingers
Plenty of kinky f*ckers on there.

I've never advertised that I am into kink. My latest kink partner I met near a local supermarket lol. Also met them on Tinder and just wheedled out the vanilla ones from having chats, getting to know each other online and asking the what you into question.

However, there are lots of guys who have read a couple of awfully written books and believe they know everything. Then ask you as a sub to train them when you quickly realise they know nothing loool.

I've seen some guys put their sexual preferences (looking for a sub and some fetishes) on their profiles

Try some kink dating site, www.kinkdatingsites.com offers some best bdsm, fetish kinky dating sites.

Waterspider made my morning!

What about going to the fetish shops and asking them? There are normally meeting places.

I was taken to a 'tupperware party' (and I really believed that!). It was a day party in a nightclub, that had been especially kitted out.

They carefully showed us the most vanilla part, 1-2 on the scale, but it was a real eye opener, how SENSUAL the human body is, and how you can pleasure another person for hours. I didn't realise that my sex life was only just this side of wham bam thank you Mam.

And how strict the rules are. They keep are very sharp eye out for abusers and sadists, and throw them out.

How men can patiently focus on a woman for hours. That was the eye opener.

AFF is also a good place to go. High volume of turn over and some reasonable humans too. ALT is quite quiet. POF or tinder also have their fair share of those willing to enjoy the non vanilla. Have fun 😉

OkCupid is great for kinksters.

On adult friend finder I have met a couple of people who are perfectly open to straight sex but through chatting we have found huge matching kinks :) Agree about the big turnover. It's not really a relationship site but people do seem to meet for the longer term on there too.

I have this exact problem! Current kink partner I met on Bumble and the one before that on Hinge but yes I had to wade through a LOT of vanilla guys first.

I'd just say be careful what you wish for, plenty of kinky guys out there, many very lovely, and whatever is consensual goes! But often there's a reason they like being able to play out a sadistic fantasy. I also know when I've felt that way it's because I feel out of control IRL and when you want to be told what to do, it's easy to go for the first person who offers, not everyone understands that wanting a bit of passion doesn't mean being left actually bruised and battered, so take your time to find some one exactly on your wavelength. It's really important.

I’m the opposite, I’m looking for a vanilla guy, hoping the guy I’ve just started seeing is one.
I’m sick of men thinking their in a bloody porno, I don’t want anal, I don’t want my hair pulled and I don’t want to be choked thanks.
Op, many men are not vanilla, they tend to keep quiet about their kinky side at first so that they don’t put the fear of god into whoever they are dating.
I would stick with the usual old sites and when you start chatting to somebody I’d make it clear from the start what you’re into. There are many, many men who would be up for it!

Hi OP. I met my DH on fetlife but got to know him by going to local munches. I met lots of people and made some good friends. The three or four different ones I went to was just a big group of people going to the pub for a chat once a month.

How and where do you go to munches, I’m recently divorced finally after finding the courage, I didn’t realise at the time how intimacy was cold and non sensual, now I am realising I want more in future relationships, I have always given pleasure for hours but unfortunately never had it in return. Now my daughter is grown up, I am no longer under abuse from marriage, am I allowed to say I want to be a bit selfish with wanting to explore sexual desires in a safe way.

Sorry this is my first post, I hope I haven’t offended anyone

I met my non v man on tinder, he listed shibari as his main interest and I knew from that, that it meant it would be Nv all the way. I was pretty shocked when he turned up on a first date with a huge bag of rope and cuffs and karabiners!

He'd been on fabswingers for a while and met lots of people but they all just wanted to meet for play with nothing else. I was different, and he and I have explored some amazing kink since.

So my advice would be to read men's profiles carefully, the kinksters will usually say so, and you can look on tinder, pof and all the kink sites too. Then think about how you subtly mention your kink side without making it an invite to novices or pervs who think they understand kink but have no idea of the reality.

Good luck.